Tripping

I tried something new last night. Lately I have been struggling with tiny but all consuming spurts of sadness and stress. I have a great life, don’t get me wrong, but the stress is breaking me down. I haven’t been able to get through the day without tiny stresses that all but stop my breathing when added up. I am trying to slow down and stop blaming myself for everything. I am trying to count my blessings without tripping over them and cussing them out. Yesterday Robert came up with the idea of counting these blessings. Surely this idea has hit me before.

Didn’t I use to keep journals just for this very thing?
Yes.
When did they stop?
When I wadded up God and put her in a box full of old fads and the pieces of myself that required effort to fit.
Did I get too busy to pinpoint the exact moments of happiness in my life?
Yes.

Yesterday’s blessings were hard to come by. I felt them inside me. I knew they were there. But for every positive thing I had a negative thing to match it. Every time a negative thing would slip out, Robert would shout “two more positive things”! Instead of getting closer, 10 just kept getting further away.
Today was impossibly easy. Tonight I will share my blessings with you. Don’t be surprised if I get carried away.

1. I woke up. Not only did I wake up, but Robert was the first person I saw. He smiled when I touched his face. Sleep couldn’t keep my presence away.

2. My new hair dryer blew me away. Literally. It also has attachments. I have no idea what the hell they are for but it’s absolutely adorable to watch Robert attach them and make rocket noises.

3. Robert made me and the girlios pink pancakes. They looked like the results of a Pepto-Bismol truck after smacking into a bakery, but damn they were good and they made us all smile.

4. Robert took a picture that made me all fuzzy inside, like a new tennis ball. That’s the best kind of fuzzy.



5. Tennis was outstanding. I practiced on the backboard, and I can honestly say that I kicked its ass. I can still feel a few shots right now, hours and hours later.

6. I ate dinner with Scott and Robert at Olive Garden. We tried about four different wines, shared a chocolate martini and ate, laughed and talked ourselves silly. I was amazed at all the people who came to wish him goodbye (he used to work there). It was crazy awesome to see how many people had fallen in love with him during his short stay in KC.

7. I got more than a one armed man hug from Scott. Words cannot describe this. He then stuck his armpit in my face, and as much as it annoyed me, I know I will be more than ready for his stinky armpit in a few months.

8. On the way home Robert pulled me close and played with my hair all the way home.

9. Ella made her noise for me when I came home. Someday I will share her noise with you. It’s a one-of-a-kind noise that always gets a smile.

10. I am home. I have my music playing LOUD. The house is quiet outside my ears. I know there are loved ones everywhere thinking of me, and it makes me feel so elated inside because it makes them that much closer. I am becoming a bigger person every day. I currently take up three or four states. I am big because you are taking me everywhere. If there is a time that one of us feels small love can inflate us.

P.S. Don’t worry Rose. You always make the list.


I liked the kool aid wine the best.






All of Scott's coworkers/friends sang happy birthday to him.