Friday, December 29, 2006

another year

How do you usually celebrate on New Year's Eve?
asleep. there is no way in hell I’m staying up for just another damn year.

Name one thing unexpected that happened to you in 2006.
LOTS of unexpected things happened. I got accepted into UMKC, aced two math classes and fell in love with Fergie.

Where was your favorite place that you visited in 2006?
Landahl and Guatemala. I really loved the off road biking thing and Guatemala was and still is beyond my comprehension. I loved the fast setting sun and beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I loved BRUNO aka froggy and that stupid ass peacock that almost took off my mom’s toes. I’m sorry mom but that was hilarious.

Main Course
What resolution is your top priority for 2007?
Ok let’s think about this. I’m a twenty something year old with an average build. Hmmm how hard can this be? No, if I lose 23 pounds and can fit into a size 2 that would be great. That was my resolution from last year. I gained 6 pounds though.

Using just three words, describe 2006.
suffocating, confident, sluggish


Have you ever flown in a helicopter?
No but I dance like one

What color is your warmest coat or jacket?
HA! Like I own a coat. I think the warmest thing I have is layers. One layer for every 5 degrees below 80. I look like chunky peanut butter if I wear my favorite brown sweater and it’s 20 outside.

What is your favorite rainy day activity?
I really like to run in the rain. all is well until my undies get wet then I call it quits and read a book.

Main Course
Describe your hands.
short, fattish, scarred thumbs thanks to scott and that damn hammer. my nails are quite ghastly because I keep em’ short for tennis.

If you could eat only one nut for the rest of your life, what nut
would you pick?
dark chocolate almonds

Thursday, December 28, 2006

I miss my mascara, confidence! and my Rosie pie and Peppyboo

Well my eye is doing a lot better (for those of you who didn’t know I have a corneal ulcer). I am, however, about to go mad because I haven’t been able to wear mascara for awhile. Such a small catastrophe. I am now awaiting the next disaster. I know now never to brag about my inability to get sick because God will put me in my place. I have been enjoying my break immensely but I am ready to get back to school. Making straight A’s last semester really gave me the confidence I needed to face biology again. Hopefully this will be my last time I take biology. I also know that I will most likely ace any math class that comes my way. It’s hard for me to admit that I enjoy math. Who the hell likes math?
Rose and Peppy are doing so well together. Just last night Peppy finally let Robert and I see how much he loves Rose. He actually played with her right in front of us. Usually we have to peek between the blinds to see them play together. He was very gentle with her too and even licked her face a few times. She is growing so fast. Already her paws are bigger than Peppy’s. The neighbors across the street from Robert have been letting their kids walk them around the block. Rose carries her leash in her mouth just like Lily does. It’s really cute.

Sunday, December 24, 2006


Should I post anymore?

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

An update as of two seconds ago

Here is an update on my life.
I am out of school for 3 or 4 weeks. I will be working more hours at the bank and babysitting more until school starts up again. Christmas presents were sent off last night! I only wrapped 2% of them. Heather wrapped the rest. I will know my final grades tomorrow! I am nervous. I am currently decorating my apartment and trying to make tofu the southern way. Robert’s uncle bought a 1976 yellow ambulance off of ebay and they are picking it up tomorrow. It is very funny looking. Rose and Peppy played together for the first time yesterday. Peppy is slowly warming up to her. She likes to sleep with her head underneath the entertainment center. She is currently trying to find a way to chew on several squeakies at once. We bought them stocking stuffers and filled hers with tennis balls. It’s funny because when I drop the stocking it bounces. Robert is turning the newly renovated downstairs into a home theater. Josh brought over big speakers and helped install them. It is the funniest thing to feel the house shake as it blasts George Strait. There will be no Christmas tree this year. There is no time to set one up.

one word

one word meme
1. Yourself: funny
2. Your spouse: N/A
3. Your hair: poofy
4. Your mother: eccentric
5. Your father: cuckoo
6. Your favorite item: apartment
7. Your dream last night: suffocation
8. Your favorite drink: tea
9. Your dream car: F350
10. The room you are in: yellow
11. Your ex: soft
12. Your fear: geese
13. What you want to be in 10 years: alive
14. Who you hung out with last night: robert
15. What you’re not: quiet
16. Muffins: nope
17: One of your wish list items: seashells: )
18: Time: morning
19. The last thing you did: giggle
20. What you’re wearing: ooolala
21. Your favorite weather: frosty
22. Your favorite book: heartbreakingworkofstaggeringgenius
23. The last thing you ate: honeybunchesofoats
24. Your life: spontaneous
25. Your mood: calm
26. Your best friend(s): peppy
27. What you’re thinking about right now: work
28. Your car: slow
29. What you’re doing at the moment: kissing
30. Your summer: tennis
31. Your relationship status: taken
32. What’s on TV: ?
33. The weather: brrrr
34. The last time you laughed: now

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I do love my books

What Kind of Reader Are You?
Your Result: Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm

You're probably in the final stages of a Ph.D. or otherwise finding a way to make your living out of reading. You are one of the literati. Other people's grammatical mistakes make you insane.

Dedicated Reader
Literate Good Citizen
Book Snob
Fad Reader
What Kind of Reader Are You?
Create Your Own Quiz

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

just a peek...

at my new glasses! And my boyfriend! Mom and grandma: can you tell that the pants have been hemmed?

Saturday, November 11, 2006


I am sooooo flippin' excited. Robert and I are going on a date tonight. oooo la la. We are going to a movie and THEN we're going to have dinner at this quaint vegetarian restaurant on the plaza. We are celebrating loooove AND the 97% I made on my math test. woooooooweeeee. The restaurant is
BUT FIRST I have to finish my essay on Heather McHugh.

The Dizzy and Giddy Empress

It's no fair that you got to be "The Tower" mom.

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents,
beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home
decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

You Are "Dizzy and Giddy"

Friday, November 03, 2006


Maybe There's a Loving God

For those of you who haven't heard this song...

I'm trying to work things out • I'm trying to comprehend • Am I the chance result • Of some great accident • I hear a rhythm call me • The echo of a grand design • I spend each night in the backyard • Staring up at the stars in the sky • • I have another meeting today • With my new counselor • My mom will cry and say • I don't know what to do with her • She's so unresponsive • I just cannot break through • She spends all night in the backyard • Staring up at the stars and the moon • • They have a chart and a graph • Of my despondency • They want to chart a path • For self-recovery • And want to know what I'm thinking • What motivates my mood • To spend all night in the backyard • Staring up at the stars and the moon • • Maybe this was made for me • For lying on my back in the middle of a field • Maybe that's a selfish thought • Or maybe there's a loving God • • Maybe I was made this way • To think and to reason and to question and to pray • And I have never prayed a lot • But maybe there's a loving God • • Maybe this was made for me • For lying on my back in the middle of a field • Maybe that's a selfish thought • Or maybe there's a loving God • • Maybe I was mad this way • To think and to reason and to question and to pray • And I have never prayed a lot • But maybe there's a loving God • • And that may be a foolish thought • Or maybe there is a God • And I have never prayed a lot • But maybe there's a loving God • •

Friday, October 27, 2006

tagged again damnit

1. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up?
I wouldn't blow up someone. I would blow up all the condos on the lake.

2. You can flip a switch that will wipe any band or musical artist out of existence. Which one will it be?
It's a tie between Lenny Kravitz and Shakira

3. Who would you really like to just punch in the face?
no one

4. What is your favorite cheese?
jalepeno cheddar

5. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your immediate disposal. What kind will you make?
avocado, hummus, spicy mustard, bean sprouts, spinach, salsa, and feta cheese.

6. You have the opportunity to sleep with the movie celebrity of your choice. We are talking no-strings-attached sex and it can only happen once. Who is the lucky celebrity of your choice?
There is not one celebrity I want to sleep with. honestly.

7. You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who do you pick?

8. Now that you’ve slept with two different people in a row, you seem to be having an excellent day because you just came across a hundred-dollar bill on the sidewalk. Holy cow, a hundred bucks! How are you gonna spend it?
I would probably buy a few books.

9. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
Austra or Nepal

10. Upon arrival to the aforementioned location, you get off the plane and discover another hundred-dollar bill. Now that you are in the new location, what are you gonna do?
keep it in case something happens.

11. A demon rises out of Hell and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. It is…?
I don't drink.

12. Rufus appears out of nowhere with a time-traveling phone booth. You can go anytime in the PAST. What time are you traveling to and what are you going to do when you get there?
Rufus from Dogma? I would visit the apostolic council during the year of 48 A.D. and have a little talk with them about Jesus.

13. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place?
The first rule would be that no one would be allowed on the island except for me.

14. You have been given the opportunity to create the half-hour TV show of your own design. What is it called and what’s the premise?
It would be about beat poetry. Semi-clean beat poetry. It would basically be about expression.

15. What is your favorite curse word?
damn. It can be such a spicy word.

16. One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything; they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?
grab the febreeze. I'm sure they stink like hell.

17. Your house is on fire! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the item?
my computer

18. The Angel of Death has descended upon you. Fortunately, the Angel of Death is pretty cool and in a good mood, and it offers you a half-hour to do whatever you want before you bite it. Whatcha gonna do in that half-hour?
climb the highest building and die before the angel of death gets to me.

19. You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What’s it gonna be?

20. You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
the time that denny and I jumped off the dock in febuary.

21. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
god that time my dress got stuck in my underwear in kindergarten.

22. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool stuff… you can move to anywhere else in the world! What country are you going to live in now?
canada. yep I'm boring.

23. This question still counts, even for those of you who are under age. Check it out. You have been eternally banned from every single bar in the world except for ONE. Which one is it gonna be?
I'm not a bar hopper.

24. Hopefully you didn’t mention this in the super-powers question…. If you did, then we’ll just expand on that. Check it out… Suddenly, you have gained the ability to FLOAT!!! Whose house are you going to float to first, and be like “Dude, check it out… I can FLOAT!”?
Well since my mother will be in my home floating I think I'll hang out with her and maybe have a picnic in the sky outside my apartment.

25. The constant absorption of magical moonbeams mixed with the radioactive vegetables you consumed earlier has given you the ability to resurrect the dead famous-person of your choice. So which celebrity will you bring back to life?
Mr. Rogers.

26. The Gates of Hell have opened, and Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person, etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back?
nobody. they're where they're supposed to be.

27. What’s your theme song?
Maybe There's a loving God by Sara Groves.

Sunday, October 22, 2006

I've been tagged

5 Thingamajigs I Like:

5 Thingamajigs I Hate:
peanut butter
crowded places
gas prices

5 Thingamajigs I Do Far Too Often:
stress out

5 Thingamajigs I Do Even Though I Shouldn't:
jump up and down in my apartment (I live on the 2nd floor)
judge others
laugh at people instead of with them

5 Thingamajigs I Would Never Do:
drive a focus
lick envelopes
jump out of a plane
touch a spider
wear animal prints

5 Thingamajigs I Regret Doing:

5 Thingamajigs I Would Do If I Won 100 Million Dollars:
the only thing that would be different would be that I would get my CDL and buy one of these:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
(It's a CXT)

I would still go to school and work everyday because I like school and I like my jobs. I would probably pay for the rest of my school but other than that I cannot think of anything that I really need.

5 Thingamajigs About Me That Are Peculiar But True:
I have a double jointed jaw
I disapprove of feminism
There are skittles in my m&m machine
I do not own a T.V.
I can almost lick my elbow

I would love to see grandma fill this out so I tag her. Grandma, YOU'RE IT!!

Mr. Hoot

I am a sucker for cheap and gaudy things especially if they are plaid and have owls on them.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Another flower...

I got TWO flowers today! Robert just stopped by and gave me a very dark red rose. I now have something to peek at while I study tonight...

two faces, no wait three, a flower and yes, my ex-logic teacher had a bizzare nose

well I’ve had an odd day. very odd. It was one of those ‘two left feet-pulling when the sign says push-uh oh I just transferred $5000 from and to the wrong account’ days. Yep, I am definitely guilty of having little or no faith in people, of carrying grudges and making those annoying paper clip chains that everyone cusses about. I am the person that is too slow in the city but too fast in the country. I admit that sometimes I’m the person that farts in the supermarket. You know, THAT person. Not just two faces but three and there’s this clever little thing I can do with my mouth when I am faced with someone I cannot stand but pretend to like because they’re my boss, teacher, coworker, customer etc. I smile rather than shoving something large up their nose.
I had an awful, no-good, very bad, terrible incident with a customer yesterday. She withdrew money but after I sent the tube to her she had a COW, no wait, something larger, a TRUCK, a small YACHT. You get the picture. Apparently she received 90% of her money. So what, I thought. 90% is better than 40% (my wonderful disposition would make Mother Theresa proud). So, I ask my boss what I should do because I gave the lady a strap of the requested money. A strap is 100% accurate especially since I counted it twice in addition to its accuracy. My boss told me to count down my drawer. I did. I balanced. My boss told the lady that the money must have been dropped or something. The lady told her that she should check my pockets. She also asked for my name. I was mortified. I was wearing a low cut shirt and I started breaking out in hives (I do this when stressed and normally do not wear low cut shirts but my mom and grandma convinced me that I look beautiful in it). As we were closing the bank that evening another coworker of mine came waltzing in with a very muddy ten dollar bill. He found it when he was walking out to his car. I called the lady and told her that her money had been found and that I would deposit it immediately. I also apologized even though it wasn’t my fault. She said some very rude things over the phone which I will not disclose. I left work in a very crappy mood. WELL today she stopped by with a flower and a note apologizing for her rudeness. Because I do not get there until late afternoon I did not get to see her but I was completely shocked by her apology.
Also, we went offline today at work. I do not completely understand what this means but nothing was posted, we couldn’t close out properly and we had to wait around for an hour to see if we would go back online. We never did. It was a mess.
I have a political science test tomorrow. Shouldn’t be a big deal. As the two of you know I failed my logic test and ran crying to the bathroom. Why? Not because I failed the damn thing, but because I did not know who Robert DeNiro was and missed 2 valuable points because of it. It was injustice dressed in an ugly jacket with a reptilian nose. I do not know why I let other people get to me so much. But apparently it is quite obvious that there are others like me. The proof was in that little note I received today from yesterday’s unruly customer.

By the way JP is French, not Russian. Yea, you can tell I'm a redneck.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

lazy day and Big Smittle pictures

I love lazy mornings. Usually I am wide awake by 5, ready to throw on heels and lipstick and face the day. And on the days I am not running to school I start doing homework as soon as I can get my eyes open. I decided to have none of that crap today. I am embracing laziness. My stereo is blasting, my homework is in my car FAR AWAY, and I am pulling out my Michael Jackson moves. It is all so very lovely. I could dance all day and be absolutely aok with life. Unfortunately I have to be at work later today, and I do have a pretty hefty stack of homework. I found out through a reliable source that I was a hit at my babysitting gig last week. Isn’t that super? I had such a blast and cannot wait to babysit for them again.
Well I should get to work. I will mention that I made a ‘B’ on my second math test. I’m pretty happy about that.


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Thursday, September 21, 2006


I FINALLY got my essay back in my poetry class. He is a harsh grader. I spent over 9 hours on that essay and made a B+. I am trying not to be upset about it.
I did, however, make a 91% on my poetry test, and I am very pleased with that because it was a hard test for me.
Other than that everything is going a-ok. My very first test at work is today and tomorrow is my second logic test. I am hopeful. Optimistic? no.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

first exam in political science

Have I mentioned that I made a 100% on my first political science exam? Yea, I know. I'm the shiznit. Elvis points rock!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Crawling around in bat guano....

Next Sunday I will be crawling around in bat guano with a Russian and a bunch of rednecks. I am slowly starting to get nervous. It will be a 10 hour cave trip inside Big Smittle. Big Smittle is what the local cavers like to call a ceiling sniffer which means that there is very little space to crawl in and most of the space will be occupied with water and mud. JP, the Russian, called to confirm just a little while ago. It took me about 20 minutes to decipher his message because his accent is so thick and another 20 minutes to work up the courage to call him back because I have this fear about talking to people I do not understand. It went well. He is a lot like Scott #2, my tennis partner in Springfield, very polite and very Christian. We are riding down together to save money on gas. I am more nervous about the car ride than I am about crawling around for 10 hours in a treacherous cave. Will we talk? What will we talk about? What if I have to tell him I do not understand something he says? Will that offend him?

This past week has been quite obnoxious. First I must tell you about Friday when I was on the radio; yes I was on the radio. I really wanted to win tickets to a particular concert, so I called. The dj, sweet lenny, ANSWERED. Even though I was calling it never occurred to me that someone might actually answer. Our conversation went like this:

Sweet Lenny: 95.7 the vibe
Me: Is it over?
Sweet Lenny: No I think we could make this relationship work. Don’t you?
Me: No
Sweet Lenny: SLAM, you’re one of those mean girls aren’t you?
Me: no I just want those tickets.
Sweet Lenny: Well we’re giving more away later on tonight. What’s your name?
Me: Hannahjane (I actually told him. god)
Sweet Lenny: Where are you?
Me: Bo Lings (I was ordering takeout).
The Chinese lady behind the counter gave me a nasty look.
Me: oops I’m at Chien Dynasty.
Sweet Lenny: what??
Me: Overland Park
Sweet Lenny: Oh so you’re a JO girl (JO is for Johnson county)
(I would go on, but I’ve already embarrassed myself enough.)

When I got back out to my car (I swear to you this happened) I turned on the radio and right away our conversation came on the radio. I sounded like such a snobby prat.

My logic class is slowly starting to grate on my nerves. I really don’t give a damn about deductive validity. It is boring as all get out. I made a 75% on my first
test. Bombed it. It is definitely not my cup of tea.

I did, however, make an 88% on my first math test.

Tomorrow is going to be hell. I have two tests, political science and poetry but Monday is usually quiche day in the cafeteria so there is light in the darkness.

my picture

my blog refuses to identify me so here is a picture

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Sunday, September 10, 2006

anger, insecurities, squished spiders, winston churchill, and the most beautiful love

My anger is such a great battle. I have such great control over everything in my life, but my anger… I hit and kick walls, throw books, cuss out my closest friends and family and then feel so small afterwards. Too small for tears or words. Very small. I am so contained. If I were to remove my perfect face I would be baring contorted features with burrowed lines of insecurities, trenches disguised as wrinkles. I am too small, too big, oblique, so very clear, morbid, polite, simple, complex… My breasts are too small, too big, I am not happy enough, too happy, so very old, so very child-like. I cannot run fast enough, I want to run until my heart bursts. Who am I running from?

This is funny. I currently have ‘spider hotels’ in my apartment. The maintenance men strategically placed twenty-three of these miniature hotels. I have six in my bathroom and I stepped on one. Who knew that you could stick to the roof of them? I have come to the realization that spiders are here for three reasons. 1. peek-a-boo. They love this game. ‘Look’, one says to another, ‘she’s got shampoo in her eyes. whenever she gets most of it out, but not all of it let’s DROP from the wall and swing out. This way all she will see is a fuzzy black spot swinging towards her.’ 2. eating. this is a given, because as a living creature, they must eat. Unlike other creatures they leave their leftovers tightly wrapped in creepy crawly webs. 3. To claim all of the great cds in the world. I have found more spiders drooling, yes drooling, on my Justin Timberlake cd than anywhere else in my apartment. Ok, well it’s a tie, my Justin Timberlake cd and the shower.

I have become quite the artist. Depending on what type of shoe I use to kill a spider, a masterpiece is sometimes born. If I were to leave the squished spiders around my apartment I could start an art museum with a catchy name like “Splat”. I would use my serious voice as I showed people around. “Here you will find a spider that I killed with an Amanda Smith heel at 2:00 in the morning after I woke up to pee. AND HERE is a pretty red spider killed during an unfortunate collision with an Adidas tennis shoe. Note the ripples in the Spiders guts. This means that the shoe was a RUNNING shoe.” It would be a fabulous show.

I told my dad about the spiders and he gave me some fabulous advice. He told me that I needed to talk to them, let them know in a CALM voice that they are unwelcome and should relocate. I tried this. I was putting on makeup the other morning when I looked up and noticed that I was surrounded. There, on each wall, was a spider. I’ll let you do the math on that one. I calmly looked up and because it was 5:00 in the morning, promptly let out the most horrific scream ever to grace this planet. The spiders didn’t even move. I tiptoed into my closet and grabbed an old grubby tennis shoe and tucked the laces inside the tongue (I’ve learned to do this because one time a spider grabbed hold of one of the laces while I was trying to kill it, and the shoelace AND spider whipped back in my face while I was flinging the shoe around. Needless to say that was the only time in my adult life that I have ever peed my pants). So, SMACK CRUNCH SMACK, three spiders down. The fourth spider dropped to the floor, and scampered. I had to dismantle a bookshelf to get to it. I was getting grumpy. But I did talk to him the whole time. I told him that God was coming to take him away and that God probably had a nicer apartment than me. I also told him that God went barefoot a lot.

I feel like I’m turning into an insensitive bastard. If I held a flashlight underneath my chin and laughed low and long my true identity would be revealed.

While on the subject of mass murder, we have been studying Adolf Hitler in my political science class. So, Robert and I went to check out the Winston Churchill exhibit at the Truman Library. I truly think my grandma would be jealous. Robert and I got so caught up in the Truman part of the library that we had little time to check out Winston Churchill. It was all so very fascinating.

Peppy and I went running tonight. I love that dog more than any human being on this earth. He is always so very happy to see me. Robert calls me sometimes and lets him talk to me. He makes these beautiful snorting/breathing noises into the phone and all I want to do is run over there and play with him. Robert also has him trained now. Whenever I am on my way over there to run with him I call and Robert tells him that “mommy is on the phone”. I swear to you that I can hear his toenails start clicking on the floor as he jumps up and down in anticipation. Isn’t that amazing? A love like that is the reason why God put us here.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I guess even vegetarians taste like chicken.

hannahjane --


Tastes like fried chicken

'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Mom, you have to give me time to post

ok so I am really excited right now. I just got invited to join Phi Theta Kappa!! This may be a small feat for those geniuses out there, but I am by no means a genius so this is super awesome. I just have to maintain a GPA of 3.5 or higher. I can do that right?

Great news!!! Jeff is visiting on my birthday AND he’s going to let me drive his truck. We are going to ride shopping carts in wal-mart, talk about all the beautiful women in his chemistry class (ok, so he’ll be talking and I’ll be nodding my head enthusiastically), and have a gay ol’ time. I am very excited.

TODAY!!!!! I had a brilliantly klutzy day. It was raining on the way to school this morning, really heavy menacing rain, not the drip drip kind. So when it stopped raining all of a sudden I about had a heart attack. It just stopped. Like that. BAM! and then KAPUT! I could not figure out what had happened, until I looked up and realized I was in the parking garage. Ok, it gets even better. While waiting in line for lunch this obnoxious gentleman started talking to me, or at me rather. He was outlandishly dressed with a big ol’ afro. He was actually pretty scaring looking. In addition to that he started talking about the differences between personal space in different countries AND illustrating it. I just kinda stood there, with my plastic fork in my hand, prepared to attack if he got too close. Finally, he said very loudly with a lot of pride, “I’m from Switzerland”. And I said, “That explains it”. OUT LOUD. It was one of those things I meant to say in my head, but not out loud. He just looked at me and said, “excuse me?” I saw him reach for his plastic fork as he said this, seriously. Before I became the victim of a stabbing incident I quickly said, “you’re different than the folks who live here.” He put his fork down and asked me if I wanted to sit with him. I, of course, said no, and in my head, but not out loud, said, “HELL NO.” And that wasn’t the end of the embarrassing moments. Because my bag weighed roughly the size of a pregnant hippo I fell going up the stairs. The guys standing around me asked if I was ok, but when I started laughing they went back to talking. BECAUSE I was laughing so hard I fell AGAIN, and that time they just laughed, not bothering to help me. I now have two rug burns on my knee. And they hurt like hell because I am a wuss and hate pain.

Tom and I played tennis today and had a blast. He’s pretty good for a guy. I give him two weeks and he’ll be kicking my ass.

That is all.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

rotten pepsi, loosing my ear lobe (not really), dripping lettuce, weird teachers, and super tomato quiche

well my car smells like rotten pepsi. the funny thing about this is the fact that I do not even drink pepsi. I would buy a strawberry air freshener but I am scared that it will only make the smell worse, and I am in no mood to smell rotten strawberry pepsi in my car.

I do not live in a very aesthetically pleasing environment right now. Not only my car is suffering from the jolt of moving. My apartment appears to have also been the victim of a very clown-like storm with 230 mph winds (I say this because I own a helluva lot of polka dot underwear and makeup). I used my phone as a flashlight to get into my apartment tonight because I could not find the light switch. This was a very painful method of light source. The only way I could get the light on was to press the volume- up, down, up, down. I used my wonderful vocabulary to illustrate my anguish every time my ankle, nose, shin, elbow etc. hit a box. After a moment, I realized that it would be much safer to crawl, but after I lost ¾ of my earlobe to the scissors that I thought I had lost a few days ago, I stood up. I found the kitchen, hell it could have been the bathroom, and flipped the switch. To my horror I was greeted by Mr. eight legs. Realizing that I had been crawling on the floor (currently owned by Spiders Inc.) I did an utterly amazing dance move, consisting of a whirlwind of hands and legs. Sometime during this beautiful move my hair came undone and I lost support on the left side if you know what I mean. To make matters worse somebody started knocking on my door. Apparently I left my keys in the door and the most gorgeous man in my building had to find them. By then I was mortally embarrassed, and ready to call it a night, but then I realized I had homework to do.

Have I mentioned how terrible the parking is here at my apartment? Tonight I had to park three blocks away. I turned it into a positive situation though. I had just bought a taco at taco bell and thought, what the hell, I might as well eat it on the walk over. I am a messy taco eater so this worked out well. I dripped lettuce all the way there and didn’t have to pick it up.

I had a very interesting first day at school. My poetry teacher wore a pinstripe suit with an obnoxious red tie. He had a beak for a nose and when he said the word ‘poems’, he made it into two syllables, po ems. Even though most of us already had our books he would walk up to random people and hand them his book, and with this incredible enthusiasm, shout, “READ”! He is old and shuffles when he walks, but when he gets excited he does these wild hand movements that could knock out a flying dinosaur.

My math teacher also turned out to be a true individual. With very little hair and even less confidence he walked into class late, only to realize he left his paperwork on the other side of campus. He must be training for the next Olympics by god because he was back in 20 minutes.

Because I have turned into quite the math nerd I had read ahead in the textbook. Every time I knew the correct process of solving a problem I would tell him. He would stop drawing on the board and look at me and say, “shhh, this is top secret. You weren’t supposed to tell anybody! The Russian spies now have all our secrets and will be able to establish a government on Pluto before us”. Seriously. He thought I was genuinely funny, and I thought he was genuinely cuckoo. Finally he realized that I had read ahead and started calling on me when he began to write something. I have become the teacher’s pet in an algebra class of all places.

I also have two classes with my hairdresser. She is very loud, with bright lipstick. I really do not think that I need to say anymore.

Overall the day was interesting, and the tomato quiche they served in the cafeteria wasn’t half bad.

Tomorrow I start weight training.

Cue the evil villain music please.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

spider lodge

Ok, so I am seriously angry right now. Since moving into this apartment I have been killing about 2-6 spiders A DAY! It has only been a week and the bug man has already been here. Must I also mention that I do not have very much food here. I have a container of mandarin oranges, 60 bottles of water, three bottles of unopened mustard and a loaf of bread. THAT IS IT. There is NOTHING for me to eat, let alone for the spiders. So, I did an extensive bit of research on the problem. I have to report the problem again, that’s a-ok, the bug man will be here again next week. If the problem is not fixed by then, I have to take personal responsibility of the 8 legged monsters. This means that I have to document the amount of spiders I see daily. So, being the creative genius that I am, I am going to not only document the spiders, I am also going to take pictures of the spiders after I kill them and make a photo album. After I do this for a month I am to call an extermination company of my choice and have them come out and fix the problem. The money that I spend will be deducted from my rent due to the laws of the state of Kansas and my well recorded documentation. But it creeps me out. There are spiders that want to take showers with me, spiders trying to steal my Justin Timberlake C.D., spiders that scamper sideways and JUMP. I have no doubt that within a few days, there will be spider hair in my razor. I have taken to sleeping with a shoe in my hand; just the other morning I woke up to a dangling spider, yes, I am not joking. It was across the room thank god or I would have peed my pants. I should not have to fight creepy crawly hairy creatures that are not even half my size (but close!) for my personal space and belongings.