updates

Ok so I failed my second biology exam. I remember looking at the exam and reading “blah kreb’s cycle blah blah ATP cyanide blah blah”. I studied but apparently I studied the wrong way. I did, however, study the right way for my biology lab exam. I passed that with a big fluorescent “B”. WOO to the HOO!
I am going on a cave trip March 10th. I cannot even express how excited I am. I will either be camping out or getting a motel room. Because I’ll be going by myself I will most likely get a motel room. I’m not that brave or that stupid. I don’t know all the details yet, but I’m excited nonetheless.
Robert somehow managed to get suite tickets to the George Strait concert. I honestly have no idea what that means. I heard the word ‘box’ in the midst of all the excitement so I am assuming they are super tickets. Robert told me he wants to be close enough to get spit on by George Strait as he sings BUT I’m assuming the box will keep us safe. I have no idea. I’ve never been to a concert before. We are also going to see STOMP tonight. That’s pretty darn exciting to me. I’ve always wanted to see them. I’m sure if they saw me banging on stuff that I’d be in the band, no problemo. I have been trying to figure out a way to bang on something tonight while I’m there. The problem I have is “Will they see me in row G?” I’ll have to up the obnoxious meter a bit.

Rose and Peppy

very frustrating

well, I made a 'C' on my first ASL test. Not the best of news. I am hoping that tutoring will help me bring up the grade on the next test. Tomorrow I find out how awful I did on my biology lab exam. I am not asking for any miracles, only a 'C', which shouldn't be too much to ask for, right? This semester is rough compared to the last two semesters. I'm spending almost 30 hours a week at school with classes and math/ASL tutoring. Today I had my second biology test and depending upon those results, I might be spending a few more hours getting biology tutoring. I cannot wait for spring break. I pray that my head doesn't explode before then.

A little bit of zany

Appetizer
What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
Silence at its best. That’s exactly what it is most of the time.
Soup
Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Hey Charles we’ve got what appears to be hail coming this way, no wait the sun is starting to shine, mmmmmm maybe not. It now looks like a snow storm is coming in from the west, nope, maybe the east. Whoa is that thunder I hear?
Salad
What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
I know an awful lot about twirling in a circle and not getting dizzy. Does that count?
Main Course
Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?
I would memorize faces, flowers, chewed-up pieces of gum, and motion at its highest peak. Everything would be magnified. I would take all of this and paint it so I could remember the day I remembered everything.
Dessert
If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?
cashews, mint oreos and a special strawberry paste. I would leave the name calling for the professionals.

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Texas is just a few short weeks away!!!!

Appetizer - Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with?
4 TIMES! Three sinus infections and that ulcer in my eye. It’s been a nightmare this winter.

Soup - What colors dominate your closet?
BOLD colors

Salad - How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"?
In Robert’s arms, fighting with Rose and Peppy for his attention.

I almost always win ; )

Main Course - On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant?
Um, I do not watch reality shows so I have no idea.

Dessert - Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite?
I do not think I have a favorite. My family has so many itty bitty holidays that happen at spontaneous moments. I consider going to the mall with my mom and grandma last October a holiday. When we had Thanksgiving at the wrong time in 2005 and all ended up puking up our guts-that was a holiday. When Scott, Robert and I went out to eat last month-that was a holiday. It will be one heck of a holiday when Robert and I fly down to Texas in March to see my mom and grandma. Those are my favorite holidays.

for robin

I have been trying to figure out a way to send this to you, Robin. I finally decided to tack it up on my blog. I read this awhile ago and it instantly reminded me of you, the harmonious brilliance you share with all of us who read your blog. After reading this again and again I found myself wondering if there might be a few special people out there who can hear or perhaps feel the deeper groove of life. If so, you are definitely one of these people, Robin.

What the Dog Perhaps Hears
Lisel Mueller

If an inaudible whistle
blown between our lips
can send him home to us,
then silence is perhaps
the sound of spiders breathing
and roots mining the earth;
it may be asparagus heaving,
headfirst, into the light
and the long brown sound
of cracked cups, when it happens.
We would like to ask the dog
if there is a continuous whir
because the child in the house
keeps growing, if the snake
really stretches full length
without a click and the sun
breaks through clouds without
a decibel of effort,
whether in autumn, when the trees
dry up their wells, there isn’t a shudder
too high for us to hear.

What is it like up there
above the shut-off level
of our simple ears?
For us there was no birth cry,
the newborn bird is suddenly here,
the egg broken, the nest alive,
and we heard nothing when the world changed.

An Indecipherable, Supernatural message from yours truly, The Bathroom Door

Well I am sick. Again. I can always tell when I’m getting sick because the knot on the back of my head (I think it’s called a gland) swells to the size of a golf ball. When I turn my head the knot makes a sickening noise that only I can hear. I found this out through a technique called “ask another person if they heard an odd noise and pretend the noise came from the chair beneath you”. This technique also requires a little wiggling of the posterior to prove that you are truly curious. It’s an awfully useful technique and I advise all who are reading this to write it down. But I kid you not, my golf ball is quite vocal. It sounds like a combination between a tiny fart and nails on a chalk board.
I hope that this turns out to be a cold because I am losing patience with my immune system and anymore infections might result in some serious immune system ass kicking.
I’m changing the subject. Watch!
On to more important matters. Ok, you know when your nose itches or you get a tingle somewhere and it technically and almost scientifically means that your ex boyfriend is going to come knocking with news about the moon breaking a mirror and black cats walking under ladders? Well I have had several unfortunate occurrences with various bathroom doors. I have honestly been smacked to Pluto in the past few days by these bathroom doors and it has kicked the supernatural section of my brain (which takes up approximately ¾ of the gray matter) into gear. Does anyone know what all these doors are trying to say to me? Now, I know y’all are thinking that they are saying, “Don’t walk so close to me you wibbergigget!” Trust me, I have already tried that approach. I now walk clear on the other side of the hall and they still somehow manage to clang me on the head. If anyone knows how to speak “bathroom door” please let me know so I can get to the bottom of this. One knot on my head is plenty.

best music video in a long time

Vegetatrian Physics by David Clewell

The tofu that’s shown up overnight in this house is frightening
proof of the Law of Conservation: matter that simply cannot be
created or destroyed. Matter older than Newton,
who knew better than to taste it. Older than Lao-tzu,
who thought about it but finally chose harmonious non-interference.
I’d like to be philosophical too, see it as some kind of pale
inscrutable wisdom among the hot dogs, the cold chicken,
the leftover deviled eggs, but I’m talking curdled
soybean milk. And I don’t have that kind of energy.

I’d rather not be part of the precariously metaphorical
wedding of modern physics and the ancient Eastern mysteries.
But still: whoever stashed the tofu in my Frigidaire
had better come back for it soon. I’m not Einstein
but I’m smart enough to know a bad idea when I see it
taking up space, biding its time.
Like so much that demands our imperfect attention
amid the particle roar of the world: going nowhere, fast.

HelloGoodBye again

I am in love with Forrest Kline.

The Concert by Lisel Mueller

The harpist believes there is music
in the skeletons of fish

The French horn player believes
in enormous golden snails

The piano believes in nothing
and grins from ear to ear

Strings are scratching their bellies
openly, enjoying it

Flutes and oboes complain
in dialects of the same tongue

Drumsticks rattle a calfskin
from the sleep of another life

because the supernatural crow
on the podium flaps his wings
and death is no excuse

LOOK AT THE POGS YALL

Music Video:

Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye Videos

Get Yours: Music Video Codes & Flash Games

my first publication

Awhile ago I sent off a few of my poems to a literary magazine at my school. I did not question whether or not they would be published but sent them as a first step into the wondrous world of rejection. On the day I sent them off I sat down and proceeded to write a letter to Denny, my best friend in high school who passed away when we were 16. As I was collecting the poems to be sent off I threw in the letter as an afterthought. Oddly enough the letter has been selected for publication in the magazine. Because it is officially copyrighted now I am going to post it on my blog.




A letter to Denny 12/05/85-04/24/02


It has been four years since you’ve passed.
I live in the city now.
It is always bright here.
Lights are always shining in my eyes.

It was raining the week before you passed and the roads to your house flooded.
You had two strokes or you would have seen the rain too.
Maybe you did.
My mother and I had to walk a few miles to reach your mother.
She was alone. Her house was filled with strangers but the room where your mother sat was empty. I walked over to her and put my arms around her and touched her hair the way you would have.
She smelled bitter and the ashes from her cigarettes speckled her face and hair.
I could hear surrender in her breathing.
Her spark never returned. It caught fire and ravaged her bones.
She died a year after you.
The doctors said it was bone cancer but I knew better.
The grief metastasized and ate her up.
After she passed your sister and brother moved away.
They are orphans. I no longer know them.
Before they moved someone set fire to your house.
Your prom dress was in there.

I learned to drive and my grandfather bought me a brand new car.
I drove to the top of your hill and waited for you.
You never came.
I graduated high school. When they called the names I kept waiting to hear yours.
It was never called.
I went on my first date after starting college. He picked me up in his beat up car and took me out to dinner.
At the end of the night he kissed me. My first kiss.
I raced up the stairs to my apartment and picked up my phone to call you.
I must have dialed the wrong number because it was disconnected.
It didn’t matter though. I made popcorn and talked out loud while I ate.
Did you hear me?

My grandfather is gone now. The last word I heard him say was, “help” but it was too late.
The house I grew up in is gone. The trees are gone too. Hermit’s Holler has been raped and its bosom still leaks milk.
The whippoorwills will cry,
“give me room, give me room”, until there isn’t any space left.
It’s someone else’s private property now.
I’m not allowed to kick the rocks and touch the ground I touched for 18 years.

When I hear other girls whisper and giggle it takes every particle of my strength not to dissolve.
I am jealous. Their laughter and words should be ours.

I will be graduating in two years. I will buy two hats to toss in the air.
I will throw yours first.
I wrote my first concrete poem and it startled me.
The words took the shape of you.
I have grown smaller since you saw me last. I lost the weight of my depression and now wear the lip gloss you put down when your lips turned cold.

I take walks with my dog and fiancée and tell them stories about the years you and I were blessed with.
When I have kids I will tell them these stories too. They will know who you are.
Your pictures will never be taken down and put away.

It is hard to move on.
I have been moving on for four years.
I am moving past your death.
I take you with me.

o is for obnoxious

Appetizer: What comes to mind when you see the color orange?
Before Guatemala I always thought of that orange soap men like to keep in their garages. Now I also think of Sunsets that can be heard, seen and tasted.

Soup: Did you ever get in trouble while you were in school? If so, what was it for?
In high school I did. I could not walk in a straight line or talk without moving my hands and feet. I used those same hands and feet to run from the straight line one day and never came back.

Salad: Which topping(s) make up your perfect pizza?
zucchini, pineapple, spinach, avocados and LOADS OF PARMESON BABY!

Main Course: Do you believe in UFOs/aliens/etc.? Why or why not?
of course. I know that humans are aliens to others.

Dessert: What color is your bedspread/comforter/quilt?
I have a few. The first is a childhood quilt that is used for aesthetic purposes only. I also have a light green quilt, a dark green comforter, and an outrageously ugly plaid overthrow that is simultaneously flashy and quiet.

Here and There by Stephen Dunn

Here and there nightfall
without fanfare
presses down, utterly
expected, not an omen in sight.
Here and there a husband
at the usual time
goes to bed with his wife
and doesn’t dream of other women.
Occasionally a terrible sigh
is heard, the kind that is
theatrical, to be ignored.
Or a car backfires
and reminds us of a car
backfiring, not of a gunshot.
Here and there a man says
what he means and people hear him
and are not confused.
Here and there a missing teenage girl
comes home unscarred.
Sometimes dawn just brings another
day, full of minor
pleasures and small complaints.
And when the newspaper arrives
with the world,
people make kindling of it
and sit together while it burns.

I am an angry masculine chocolate wood sun with creative morning space in summer not spring god not spring and I will active your yang baby

You Are More Yang

Masculine Creative Angry Spring Summer Morning Sun Space Active Wood Chocolate

Are You More Yin or Yang?

what a way to start the year

I had a very peaceful first day of the year. Robert and I stopped at one of our favorite Chinese places with Rose and Peppy in tow. After lunch we drove them out to the doggy park. It was Rose’s first time. We jumped out of the truck with a pup on each leash and proceeded to slide down the muddiest hill I have ever seen. To make matters worse other dogs were coming and going and Peppy had to exchange sniffs with each and every one of them. He kept trying to get Rose involved but she was just too darn interested in the people. She licked, wiggled and jumped her way into the hearts of every single person out there. When I took her leash off she threw me a surprised look that said, “really”? and instead of shooting off like Peppy she lingered with Robert and I for a few moments. She could not resist greeting every single person though. Peppy started what Robert and I fondly call the “drool factor”. The “drool factor” is a rapid increase in the production of saliva that eventually hangs to the ground because Peppy gets too excited to swallow. He can go for several minutes without dropping the long string of drool. It usually gets caught on a rock or if he is running extremely fast long pieces will pull against the wind and streak his upper face. He becomes this black whir of slobber and spit that can outrun and out-drool anything on the face of this earth. A few select people ooh and ah over the sheer beauty and grossness of it. Most just pull their dogs away and start heading in the other direction. Kids almost always understand his long strings of drool. They linger between shouts of “cool” and “ewww”. Halfway through our walk Rose came running up to us and we were shocked to see long sticky trails of drool all over her head. Apparently she got underneath his chin and soaked up his most massive drool string yet.
It was a very exciting walk. Rose was attacked during the beginning by two unknown pups who were thrilled to see another pup. At first she kept trying to get away from them, but it didn’t take long for her to start playing with them. She rarely interacted with the other dogs though. She did, however, do her best to go home with every person there. She would stop directly in front of a person and roll onto her back. Nobody could resist scratching her tummy. Many commented on how soft she was, but after she became a giant drool ball many chose to comment on how large her head was. She looks like a golden retriever/giraffe mix with a head that belongs on a Saint Bernard. She grows every day but it’s in bits and pieces so she always looks off balance. I have hope that someday the rest of her body will catch up with her head.
After we took a walk we all took a nap, Peppy excluded. He was trying to show off how tough he was because apparently he zonked out at bedtime last night. We ended the day with Robert’s special spaghetti and The Blue Collar Comedy Tour. It was a very peaceful day.

another year

Appetizer
How do you usually celebrate on New Year's Eve?
asleep. there is no way in hell I’m staying up for just another damn year.

Soup
Name one thing unexpected that happened to you in 2006.
LOTS of unexpected things happened. I got accepted into UMKC, aced two math classes and fell in love with Fergie.

Salad
Where was your favorite place that you visited in 2006?
Landahl and Guatemala. I really loved the off road biking thing and Guatemala was and still is beyond my comprehension. I loved the fast setting sun and beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I loved BRUNO aka froggy and that stupid ass peacock that almost took off my mom’s toes. I’m sorry mom but that was hilarious.

Main Course
What resolution is your top priority for 2007?
Ok let’s think about this. I’m a twenty something year old with an average build. Hmmm how hard can this be? No, if I lose 23 pounds and can fit into a size 2 that would be great. That was my resolution from last year. I gained 6 pounds though.

Dessert
Using just three words, describe 2006.
suffocating, confident, sluggish

helicopter?

Appetizer
Have you ever flown in a helicopter?
No but I dance like one

Soup
What color is your warmest coat or jacket?
HA! Like I own a coat. I think the warmest thing I have is layers. One layer for every 5 degrees below 80. I look like chunky peanut butter if I wear my favorite brown sweater and it’s 20 outside.

Salad
What is your favorite rainy day activity?
I really like to run in the rain. all is well until my undies get wet then I call it quits and read a book.

Main Course
Describe your hands.
short, fattish, scarred thumbs thanks to scott and that damn hammer. my nails are quite ghastly because I keep em’ short for tennis.

Dessert
If you could eat only one nut for the rest of your life, what nut
would you pick?
dark chocolate almonds

I miss my mascara, confidence! and my Rosie pie and Peppyboo

Well my eye is doing a lot better (for those of you who didn’t know I have a corneal ulcer). I am, however, about to go mad because I haven’t been able to wear mascara for awhile. Such a small catastrophe. I am now awaiting the next disaster. I know now never to brag about my inability to get sick because God will put me in my place. I have been enjoying my break immensely but I am ready to get back to school. Making straight A’s last semester really gave me the confidence I needed to face biology again. Hopefully this will be my last time I take biology. I also know that I will most likely ace any math class that comes my way. It’s hard for me to admit that I enjoy math. Who the hell likes math?
Rose and Peppy are doing so well together. Just last night Peppy finally let Robert and I see how much he loves Rose. He actually played with her right in front of us. Usually we have to peek between the blinds to see them play together. He was very gentle with her too and even licked her face a few times. She is growing so fast. Already her paws are bigger than Peppy’s. The neighbors across the street from Robert have been letting their kids walk them around the block. Rose carries her leash in her mouth just like Lily does. It’s really cute.