An Indecipherable, Supernatural message from yours truly, The Bathroom Door

Well I am sick. Again. I can always tell when I’m getting sick because the knot on the back of my head (I think it’s called a gland) swells to the size of a golf ball. When I turn my head the knot makes a sickening noise that only I can hear. I found this out through a technique called “ask another person if they heard an odd noise and pretend the noise came from the chair beneath you”. This technique also requires a little wiggling of the posterior to prove that you are truly curious. It’s an awfully useful technique and I advise all who are reading this to write it down. But I kid you not, my golf ball is quite vocal. It sounds like a combination between a tiny fart and nails on a chalk board.
I hope that this turns out to be a cold because I am losing patience with my immune system and anymore infections might result in some serious immune system ass kicking.
I’m changing the subject. Watch!
On to more important matters. Ok, you know when your nose itches or you get a tingle somewhere and it technically and almost scientifically means that your ex boyfriend is going to come knocking with news about the moon breaking a mirror and black cats walking under ladders? Well I have had several unfortunate occurrences with various bathroom doors. I have honestly been smacked to Pluto in the past few days by these bathroom doors and it has kicked the supernatural section of my brain (which takes up approximately ¾ of the gray matter) into gear. Does anyone know what all these doors are trying to say to me? Now, I know y’all are thinking that they are saying, “Don’t walk so close to me you wibbergigget!” Trust me, I have already tried that approach. I now walk clear on the other side of the hall and they still somehow manage to clang me on the head. If anyone knows how to speak “bathroom door” please let me know so I can get to the bottom of this. One knot on my head is plenty.