Nooooo, not the pickled cow's heart again

On an entirely different note (one of which is the ever so ominous minor) I have two test grades to report. A ‘B’ in my cpr/first aid class. AND, drum roll please, a big fat 50% (F) on my biology lab exam. I have all but failed the ding dong class. But, like a stubborn mule I am going to keep attending the class so that I can be a little bit more prepared when I take it again next semester. It will be my third time. I have realized that in a situation such as this the best thing that I can possibly do is laugh and when I get frustrated and angry because I have to see a pickled cow's heart AGAIN I just rev up the treadmill and run until everything is a white-hot blur.
I should have the Jagged Canyon cave trip pictures by tonight after a long month of waiting. It was an awesome trip, Robert’s very first cave trip, so I will be thrilled when I have the pictures and can show them off.
I am off to a meeting with my therapist aka the treadmill : )

raw oysters make me horny

No, not me, my ASL teacher.

In my ASL class today my ASL teacher signed what appeared to be,

“Raw oysters make me horny”.

After a long silent pause, everyone made the sign for “again please”.

Most of us had not been paying a whole lot of attention before this bizarre occurrence.

He signed it again, and within seconds, 7 (number of people in class) ASL dictionaries were being flung open, although most of the class had a slight clue.

The sign: (index fingers on sides of head, pointing skyward) appeared to be many different things (especially for the naïve person in the class: me) a large rabbit, candles, an eighties dance, a basketball court etc.

By the time we had our dictionaries open, the teacher, who is 254% deaf, started making grunting noises that we would have usually recognized as laughter, but in light of what he was signing, sounded a whole lot different. After catching his breath he finger-spelled the mystery word:

Horny

I wonder, now that I am home and a little more awake, if he flung that out there in an attempt to get our attention. Half the class wasn’t there and those of us who were there had our hands too tied up to sign. Three people were sharing an enormous cookie, one person was eating pizza and the rest of us wouldn’t take our hands off our cups of hot coffee for nothing (it’s 40 goddamn degrees outside for those of you who are reading this on a beach somewhere in Texas). Even if it was a trick to get our attention (a trick that works might I add) I bet that he got more joy out of teaching that word to us than all the other words combined.

apples to apples

I had a great weekend. Josh and Heather came back for the weekend so Robert and I spent Saturday with them. We played an awesome game, apples to apples, and had a super time. I spent most of Sunday working on math homework but ended the day well with dinner at Cinzetti’s (an Italian buffet) with Robert. I find out how I did on my biology lab exam tomorrow and have a math test on Wednesday but the weather is supposed to be warming up so I’ve got a cheerful face.
This is the game we played. I am not only going to buy it I’m also going to get the expansion pack. It’s the best game ever. Everyone has seven red cards. Each card has different phrases, people, words, body parts, food etc. For example I remember one particular hand I was dealt. I had Britney Spears, gallbladder, warts, the sun, oprah winfrey, apples, and skinheads. Each of the cards explains the subject. One person picks up a green card that usually has an adjective on it. For example, one of the words would be phony and on the bottom of the card there would be a list of synonyms for the word. Everyone, with the exception of the person with the green card, picks out a red card that they think fits the description the best. The person with the green card then gets to choose the red card he/she thinks is best. The person whose card is picked wins the green card. Everyone gets chances to judge. The objective is to get 8 green cards.



Just like every woman out there I am trying to lose weight. I have been exercising 1-3 hrs a day, 5-6 days a week. I am hoping to take a little bit of weight off my small frame. I have reached the infamous plateau and have introduced push-ups and rice cakes into my lifestyle (girl push-ups mind you). I have a lot of muscle so I have bumped up the cardio workouts in an effort to keep it under control. I do not want to be Hercules. I do not want veins popping out of my forehead. Anyways, so far so good. I am going to reward myself a tennis outfit for every ten pounds I lose. This adds up to 2 ½ outfits : ) Any encouragement will be accepted.

just flapping my gums

I played tennis with Ted yesterday. . . . And kicked his ass: 6-0, 6-1. He was having one of those days though so we’re going to play again when his game is on. I’ll still kick his ass.
I also have the nanny job I wanted for the summer. I have a feeling that we are going to be spending a lot of time at the pool. I’m looking forward to it. I cannot wait for this stupid semester to be over. It is wearing me down. Never again will there be another semester without at least one English class to cheer me up. Every day I try to create a list inside my head of things to look forward to.
Today’s list:
1. Chocolate dirt and worms pudding cup for tonight’s desert. (Robert made a dozen for me yesterday)
2. Tennis on Tuesday!
3. Running with Rose and Peppy on Tuesday!
4. Seeing my mom and grandma in April!
5. Tutoring on Parabolas on Thursday! HA! I’m so full of crap sometimes.

71%

After my classes today I made the slow walk to the computer lab to peek at my grade for the biology exam I took today. Normally when I am walking to check on a grade for something biology related I think of unpleasant thoughts such as, “you are walking to your grave. It will be dark and cold. These are your last few moments to breathe normally so take advantage now!” This creates a stress that’s the icing on a poop-filled cake. I begin to make clicking noises with my teeth as I get closer to the lab. My heart races with the clicking noises. My mind tries to outrun my heart and by the time I walk into the lab I am a whizzing, clicking, slam-banging, sweaty mess. I must look like the perfect ad for Paxil by god.
Today it was different. As I was walking to the lab I told myself, “Hey maybe there will be pretty red flowers at the grave! And a lemonade stand! And Justin Timberlake!(ok probably not)” I walked in, sat down at a computer, pulled up the grade and it was still a poop-filled cake but at least it had no icing. Hell, if you can’t be optimistic at least learn how to decorate the negative!

woooooweeeeeee

I MADE A 96% ON MY MATH TEST!!!!!!!!!!

And I have no idea why you didn't put this picture up mom. We look fabulous!

not a very friendly cat

You Are: 20% Dog, 80% Cat

You are are almost exactly like a cat. You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way. And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

Your Extroversion Profile:

Activity Level: High

Cheerfulness: High

Sociability: Low

Assertiveness: Very Low

Excitement Seeking: Very Low

Friendliness: Very Low

How Extroverted Are You?

Remember...

watching The Lawrence Welk Show every Saturday night?

saturday morning blues

listening to blues and waiting for the early hours to pass.

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

sleeping the day away

A wise old drooler and a high fashion flopper

A few of the pictures of Rose and Robert are powerful to me. They go together like skittles and milk. I haven't seen anything quite like it before. She's a daddy's girl. Yesterday she got out of her cage while Robert was gone, and because I've left quite a few pairs of shoes at Robert's house, she made good use of her freedom by piling every shoe on Robert's bed. She didn't chew on them. She simply piled them on his bed. Apparently we have one thing in common. Shoes!

updates

Ok so I failed my second biology exam. I remember looking at the exam and reading “blah kreb’s cycle blah blah ATP cyanide blah blah”. I studied but apparently I studied the wrong way. I did, however, study the right way for my biology lab exam. I passed that with a big fluorescent “B”. WOO to the HOO!
I am going on a cave trip March 10th. I cannot even express how excited I am. I will either be camping out or getting a motel room. Because I’ll be going by myself I will most likely get a motel room. I’m not that brave or that stupid. I don’t know all the details yet, but I’m excited nonetheless.
Robert somehow managed to get suite tickets to the George Strait concert. I honestly have no idea what that means. I heard the word ‘box’ in the midst of all the excitement so I am assuming they are super tickets. Robert told me he wants to be close enough to get spit on by George Strait as he sings BUT I’m assuming the box will keep us safe. I have no idea. I’ve never been to a concert before. We are also going to see STOMP tonight. That’s pretty darn exciting to me. I’ve always wanted to see them. I’m sure if they saw me banging on stuff that I’d be in the band, no problemo. I have been trying to figure out a way to bang on something tonight while I’m there. The problem I have is “Will they see me in row G?” I’ll have to up the obnoxious meter a bit.

Rose and Peppy

very frustrating

well, I made a 'C' on my first ASL test. Not the best of news. I am hoping that tutoring will help me bring up the grade on the next test. Tomorrow I find out how awful I did on my biology lab exam. I am not asking for any miracles, only a 'C', which shouldn't be too much to ask for, right? This semester is rough compared to the last two semesters. I'm spending almost 30 hours a week at school with classes and math/ASL tutoring. Today I had my second biology test and depending upon those results, I might be spending a few more hours getting biology tutoring. I cannot wait for spring break. I pray that my head doesn't explode before then.

A little bit of zany

Appetizer
What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
Silence at its best. That’s exactly what it is most of the time.
Soup
Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Hey Charles we’ve got what appears to be hail coming this way, no wait the sun is starting to shine, mmmmmm maybe not. It now looks like a snow storm is coming in from the west, nope, maybe the east. Whoa is that thunder I hear?
Salad
What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
I know an awful lot about twirling in a circle and not getting dizzy. Does that count?
Main Course
Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?
I would memorize faces, flowers, chewed-up pieces of gum, and motion at its highest peak. Everything would be magnified. I would take all of this and paint it so I could remember the day I remembered everything.
Dessert
If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?
cashews, mint oreos and a special strawberry paste. I would leave the name calling for the professionals.

On The Radio

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Texas is just a few short weeks away!!!!

Appetizer - Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with?
4 TIMES! Three sinus infections and that ulcer in my eye. It’s been a nightmare this winter.

Soup - What colors dominate your closet?
BOLD colors

Salad - How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"?
In Robert’s arms, fighting with Rose and Peppy for his attention.

I almost always win ; )

Main Course - On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant?
Um, I do not watch reality shows so I have no idea.

Dessert - Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite?
I do not think I have a favorite. My family has so many itty bitty holidays that happen at spontaneous moments. I consider going to the mall with my mom and grandma last October a holiday. When we had Thanksgiving at the wrong time in 2005 and all ended up puking up our guts-that was a holiday. When Scott, Robert and I went out to eat last month-that was a holiday. It will be one heck of a holiday when Robert and I fly down to Texas in March to see my mom and grandma. Those are my favorite holidays.

for robin

I have been trying to figure out a way to send this to you, Robin. I finally decided to tack it up on my blog. I read this awhile ago and it instantly reminded me of you, the harmonious brilliance you share with all of us who read your blog. After reading this again and again I found myself wondering if there might be a few special people out there who can hear or perhaps feel the deeper groove of life. If so, you are definitely one of these people, Robin.

What the Dog Perhaps Hears
Lisel Mueller

If an inaudible whistle
blown between our lips
can send him home to us,
then silence is perhaps
the sound of spiders breathing
and roots mining the earth;
it may be asparagus heaving,
headfirst, into the light
and the long brown sound
of cracked cups, when it happens.
We would like to ask the dog
if there is a continuous whir
because the child in the house
keeps growing, if the snake
really stretches full length
without a click and the sun
breaks through clouds without
a decibel of effort,
whether in autumn, when the trees
dry up their wells, there isn’t a shudder
too high for us to hear.

What is it like up there
above the shut-off level
of our simple ears?
For us there was no birth cry,
the newborn bird is suddenly here,
the egg broken, the nest alive,
and we heard nothing when the world changed.

An Indecipherable, Supernatural message from yours truly, The Bathroom Door

Well I am sick. Again. I can always tell when I’m getting sick because the knot on the back of my head (I think it’s called a gland) swells to the size of a golf ball. When I turn my head the knot makes a sickening noise that only I can hear. I found this out through a technique called “ask another person if they heard an odd noise and pretend the noise came from the chair beneath you”. This technique also requires a little wiggling of the posterior to prove that you are truly curious. It’s an awfully useful technique and I advise all who are reading this to write it down. But I kid you not, my golf ball is quite vocal. It sounds like a combination between a tiny fart and nails on a chalk board.
I hope that this turns out to be a cold because I am losing patience with my immune system and anymore infections might result in some serious immune system ass kicking.
I’m changing the subject. Watch!
On to more important matters. Ok, you know when your nose itches or you get a tingle somewhere and it technically and almost scientifically means that your ex boyfriend is going to come knocking with news about the moon breaking a mirror and black cats walking under ladders? Well I have had several unfortunate occurrences with various bathroom doors. I have honestly been smacked to Pluto in the past few days by these bathroom doors and it has kicked the supernatural section of my brain (which takes up approximately ¾ of the gray matter) into gear. Does anyone know what all these doors are trying to say to me? Now, I know y’all are thinking that they are saying, “Don’t walk so close to me you wibbergigget!” Trust me, I have already tried that approach. I now walk clear on the other side of the hall and they still somehow manage to clang me on the head. If anyone knows how to speak “bathroom door” please let me know so I can get to the bottom of this. One knot on my head is plenty.

best music video in a long time

Vegetatrian Physics by David Clewell

The tofu that’s shown up overnight in this house is frightening
proof of the Law of Conservation: matter that simply cannot be
created or destroyed. Matter older than Newton,
who knew better than to taste it. Older than Lao-tzu,
who thought about it but finally chose harmonious non-interference.
I’d like to be philosophical too, see it as some kind of pale
inscrutable wisdom among the hot dogs, the cold chicken,
the leftover deviled eggs, but I’m talking curdled
soybean milk. And I don’t have that kind of energy.

I’d rather not be part of the precariously metaphorical
wedding of modern physics and the ancient Eastern mysteries.
But still: whoever stashed the tofu in my Frigidaire
had better come back for it soon. I’m not Einstein
but I’m smart enough to know a bad idea when I see it
taking up space, biding its time.
Like so much that demands our imperfect attention
amid the particle roar of the world: going nowhere, fast.