funk and stuff

Everyone has been in a funk around here.



Even Ella. She keeps eating things she’s not supposed to. Her latest victim was one of Peppy’s favorite dog beds. Needless to say this little eccentricity of hers does not make for a happy tummy. She is also on doggie probation which means that a watchful eye or ZAPPER is always present. Yes, we zap our dogs folks. I’m well aware that ZAPPING dogs is the equivalent of spanking children. I’m down with both. We have a three way dog training device that involves a special collar for each dog and a remote. Robert is not afraid to use it. I, however, am a pushover. I don’t think I’ve ever used it on the girls, but I’m not afraid to zap peppy when he’s not obeying. Peppy purposely disobeys whereas the girls sometimes make bloopers because they are still uncertain about the rules around here. And yes, we do run a tight ship. We expect the dogs to come when called, follow basic commands, know what certain words mean, and most importantly, refrain from barking unless Robert’s mother is entering the house. I’m not sure if most people out there understand the individuality of every single living creation in this world. Dogs are no exception. Peppy’s greatest acts of rebellion involve peeing and barking. He will continue to bark, even if he’s getting zapped, if he feels there is a need for it. I usually roll him over on his back and wrap my hands around his face if he keeps barking. Yes, he can still breathe; it’s really not even an uncomfortable position. The only reason he doesn’t like it is because I am taking away his control. He also likes to bite just about anyone who enters the house. For some reason he likes to attack men and grandmothers. He is very protective of everything in the house, especially Robert and I. When I have a moment of tears I can hide anywhere in the house and he will still find me. It is one of those rare moments when he doesn’t expect anything out of me, not even a hug or kiss. He just wants to be near me. Rose, the wonder dog, hasn’t even accomplished a feat like this. She rarely gets in trouble, but when she does, she hightails it to timeout. Yes, we have a designated spot for timeout. What’s hilarious is she will make a beeline for timeout if Ella or Peppy is in trouble. She cries and whines with pure sorrow if Ella or Peppy is being punished. She demands to be with them in timeout, and if she can’t have her way she pouts. Out of every creature, human or otherwise, that I have met in my life, she is the most compassionate. She strives to please everyone and everything. She even gets offended when we squeak her most precious squeaky. She has a special squeaky that is NOT for throwing and most importantly, it should NOT be squeaked in any way whatsoever. If one of us makes either of these terrible mistakes she will take this squeaky thing to a dark corner in the house and nurse it back to health. Amazingly enough this is the only squeaky that has never had to be sewn back together. She takes better care of this squeaky than some people take care of their kids and pets. While on the subject of squeakies, there is one very important rule that I must mention. We do not allow any of their toys outside. Often they try to sneak one out when they go out to play. They understand the command, ‘drop it’ very well now so there are very few moments when a squeaky makes a getaway. If one does make it outside it is usually in the mouth of Ella. Rose, the brown nose of the family, goes on squeaky patrol and throws a fit if a squeaky makes it outside. Ella is a little like Rose, but she shares her rebellious streak with Peppy. Her biggest problem is her ingestion of inedible objects. This long list includes a yogurt container, recliner, bath poofy and most recently a dog bed. She isn’t a stuffed animal lover like rose. She loves tennis balls and kong toys. When we go to the pet store Rose will most likely want to take a ferret home. When she realizes she can’t have one she picks out a stuffed animal. Ella, on the other hand, usually picks out rope/kong toys. She is a chewer, through and through, and we are coming to terms with the fact that this may be something she just has to outgrow. Until then she will be on doggie probation.
As for the funk going on around here—it’s been a tough week for us all. Robert found out some bad news about graduation and I have been up late the past few nights, putting finishing touches on two papers. Last night was a rare moment because I actually got to fall asleep with Robert and the pups. This morning proved to be even more brilliant. We slept in until 9 and for the first time in months, shared breakfast together. I do not think we realized it then but that quaint breakfast was a celebration for the end of a particularly long funk.
As most of you know, for the first time I am watching American Idol. I have a few favorites, Syesha Mercado, David Cook and Michael Johns. I was especially fond of Mercado’s performance last night. I am not a big fan of the song she sang because dolly is too simple with it and whitney sounds like she’s trying too hard. When Syesha Mercado came out I was ready to press the fast forward button but surprise surprise! I loved the arrangement. I gave it a chance and I think you should too.

ok mom. . .

Robert's body can feed 15!

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I definitely don't want to be in your RV when the world ends : )

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Apparently vagina doesn't count. I thought I'd be nearer to the F bomb.

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

apparently you're supposed to suck air in, but I'm full of it so I chose to expel.

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I do not consume caffeine so this one is technically irrelevant, but it was the most entertaining quiz so why not?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band

Listen!





oh and here's their myspace page:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=8524459

my way or the highway

Your Thinking is Concrete and Random

You are naturally inquisitive and curious. You're excited by new ideas, and you are a true independent thinker. You are interested in what is possible. You like the process of discovery. You are often experimenting, challenging old ideas, and inventing new concepts. Rules, restrictions, and limit don't really work for you. You have to do things your own way, and you can't be bothered to explain yourself.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Is there anybody out there besides me who is going to miss the celebrity apprentice?

ok mom I figured it out

spring break

I have learned that 'break' means to separate a person into many pieces.

I have two papers to write.
one will be over Song of Solomon.
the other will be over a canto (no ideas yet) from the faerie queene.
I just started a new asl class tonight.
+ spring cleaning has officially started.

perhaps we should start calling it spring brake. then there wouldn't be any confusion over the meaning of the word. it would simply mean 'stop everything you're doing and enjoy the first few rapturous moments of spring.'

I went with the 'brake' spelling today and halted everything.

I started two paintings for the dining room. The naked walls have been bothering me for months. I knew I couldn't spend more than $30 so that eliminated pictures and professional art work, even cheap poster reproductions. I did what any college student without an ounce of art education would do. I went to hobby lobby, bought two canvases and got to work.

This is what I came up with:







Meanwhile Robert, who is broken into a million pieces too, did what boys do best.






He made a mess.

you can unplug your ears now

I changed my music. No more harsh songs here folks. Unfortunately I could not find one of my favorite songs. I found it on youtube though. Enjoy!

Josh Groban and Ladysmith black mambazo-lullaby

time to play

we went to our favorite dog park today.







we tried out the sling shot.











on the way home the moon came out to play.





but it was shy





and rarely showed itself as more than a reflection.

she's a self-playing accordian & even
when she's asleep, her quiet
breathing goes a-one & a-two
-brian andreas

A poem and *SIGH* more food

A Fantasy
by Louise Glück

I'll tell you something: every day
people are dying. And that's just the beginning.
Every day, in funeral homes, new widows are born,
new orphans. They sit with their hands folded,
trying to decide about this new life.

Then they're in the cemetery, some of them
for the first time. They're frightened of crying,
sometimes of not crying. Someone leans over,
tells them what to do next, which might mean
saying a few words, sometimes
throwing dirt in the open grave.

And after that, everyone goes back to the house,
which is suddenly full of visitors.
The widow sits on the couch, very stately,
so people line up to approach her,
sometimes take her hand, sometimes embrace her.
She finds something to say to everybody,
thanks them, thanks them for coming.

In her heart, she wants them to go away.
She wants to be back in the cemetery,
back in the sickroom, the hospital. She knows
it isn't possible. But it's her only hope,
the wish to move backward. And just a little,
not so far as the marriage, the first kiss.



You may be wondering about my recent fascination with food. Honestly, it's nothing serious. Just a weird little infatuation. Next week it might be rocks. You never know. I do have a recipe that goes along with tonight's dinner. I used a morningstar black bean and roasted corn burger, but boca works fine. Robert grilled it for me because we all know that grilling is the only way to go with burgers (fake or real). I then added a little avocado, tomato, provolone cheese and onion. To top it off I threw on a little bbq sauce (Quicks is the best, but it's a kc thing). It was really fantastic.

holy crap

I must have a good memory. I looked at this photo last night and remembered the number of blooms and the precise color. Isn't that spooky?

Here is my response Robin

~Imagine a desert landscape. It is utterly simple. A horizon line. Sand. Sky.

~In this desert landscape, there is a cube.

See it. Describe it.

What size is it?
Where is it?
What is it made of?

(There are no rules, no right or wrong answers. Describe the cube you see).

~Now:

In this landscape, as well as the cube, there is also a ladder.

Describe it: it's size, position, what it's made of.

~Now:

In this desert there is also a horse.

Describe it.

What kind of horse is it? What size? What color? Where is it relative to the cube and the ladder? What is it doing?

~Now:

Somewhere in this landscape is a storm.

Describe it.

Where is it? What kind of storm is it? How does it affect-or not affect- the cube, the ladder, and the horse?

~Finally in this desert are flowers.

Describe them.

How many are there? What kind? What color? Where are they in relation to the cube, the ladder, the horse, the storm?


Ok this is what I saw:



The cube is see through. It has metal edges. The metal edges have ridges. When I look through the cube I see clouds. The metal perturbs me because it seems so out of place. The size appears to be larger than a shoe box, but smaller than a box that would hold a computer. The cube is in the sky. Nothing is holding it up.

The ladder is floating too. It is a decorative ladder that is made of old, dark barn wood. It is damp, and a flower pot sits two rungs up. The flower pot is ivory with an abstract painting of a red flower on one side. I don’t know what kind of plant this is, but it is green and trailing down past the ladder. There are no blooms on this plant. I don’t think this ladder is close to the cube. I can’t see the cube and ladder together.

The horse is solid brown with a black tail. It is medium sized. There is a man on the horse, but I can’t see his face. Once again I can’t the see the ladder or cube when I’m looking at the horse. The horse is standing still.

Wow that was a fast storm! Everything was sunny two seconds ago! I swear! I am having a hard time imagining a storm and sand together because I am in the desert. Oddly enough there is a little snow, a little hail and a few fat drops of rain. Mostly I feel wind. The cube is swinging a little. The ladder isn’t moving, and oddly enough the leaves on the plant are not moving. The horse, too, is still calmly rooted to one spot. The only changes are the few weird horsey noises it is making. The man on the horse is spitting, looking up with interest at the sky, but try as I might I still can’t see his face.

The flowers are yellow. They look exactly like the flowers I just saw on my mom’s blog last night. There is a little orange in the middle and they are close to the ground. There are only three, but I can see more off in the distance. I can actually see the horse and the flowers together.


P.S. Robin-You can expect an email from me later tonight : )

Lost in Translation

There are some days when no matter
what I say it feels like I'm far away in
another country & whoever is doing
the translating has had far too much to drink

-Brian Andreas

KIAAA conference cont.

we went to the cosmosphere which included a lot of boring moon stuff that made no sense to me whatsoever. the kiddos loved it though.

I then went on an adult only field trip (ooh la la) to tour the fox theater, stop by fraese drugstore/soda fountain and have a float, and shop the downtown antique stores. I found a beautiful jar of turquoise buttons + a handful of glass and bone buttons with intricate carvings. I'm going to attempt to take better pictures, but here's a general overview of the mess:




And let's not forget the float!







Also here's a nifty neat-o website for the fox theater. Their pictures are much better than mine.

http://www.hutchinsonfox.com/


I also took Joseph to the Underground Salt Mines. It was very interesting. My favorite part? the two minute, pitch black ride on the elevator. Here's the website. Once again their pictures are better than mine.

http://www.undergroundmuseum.org/index.php


last but not least here is the view from the room:

KIAAA conference

We are back from the KIAAA conference. It was long. boring. confusing. stressful. tiring. I never knew where I was supposed to be, who I was supposed to be with or what I was supposed to be doing. R and I’s room overlooked the indoor water park, so rest was never attainable. Sure, they closed the pool down at midnight, but Robert forgot his machine (sleep apnea isn’t fun folks) and we spent every evening designing INVENTIVE AWE-INSPIRING ear plugs. I finally downed a few Tylenol PMs and used a headband to hold tissues to my ears. I tried to sleep a few minutes during the day, but Suzy, one of the munchkins I babysat figured out where my room was and would stand outside (remember there was a water park right outside the glass wall) giggling until I opened the curtains and invited her in for a game of ‘find the moose’. I thank god that the damn moose was never found because it kept her entertained for hours. The moose game, plus two GIANT bouncy balls were the best $7.00 I have ever spent in my life. When I found out that Suzy had an attachment problem and didn’t bond well with anybody except her family I went to target and bought a few toys. I knew that Suzy had to like me by Saturday night or I would have failed my job. Saturday night was the big night for her dad, who was president of this event for the last time. Last year, as president, he had wanted his wife to join him for the big dinner but Suzy didn’t want to go to the daycare they had set up at the motel. This year was his last chance. That meant I had less than three days to get acquainted with Suzy. Saturday night she said goodbye to her mom and we hopped in the car. For the first few hours she was fine. We had a blast. During the ride to pizza hut, however, she abruptly stopped talking to me. I couldn’t see her well in my mirror so before I started panicking I asked her brother what was going on. Silence. I started flashbacking to the night before we left for the conference. On that Tuesday night I had the double T’s in my car. Tiffany was singing and Taylor was picking a scab on her knee. Taylor started to complain that her knee was bleeding. I asked Tiffany if it was and Tiffany stopped singing and said, “no SIGH it’s not bleeding, but her Band-Aid fell OH MY GOSH HANNAHJANESTOPTHEEECARRRRRSTOP THE CAR!” I pulled over to a side street, shot out of my car, yanked open the backseat and found two hysterical girls crying over a sudden nosebleed. Apparently Tiffany had bent over to pick up the band-aid. When she looked up taylor’s nose was dripping blood everywhere. The whole episode freaked me out like nothing else and I doubt that I will ever fully recover. I think it was the sudden burst of noise that scared the peewaddens out of me.
Last night, however, was totally different. I knew that both kids were awake, but I couldn’t get them to talk. Finally Joseph spoke up and said that Suzy did this sometimes. When we stopped for pizza I was worried that she wasn’t going to get out of the car but she hopped right out. When we got inside she still refused to speak to me, joseph or the waitress. This went on until we got back in the car and then, without warning, she was back to her giggly, talkative self. The giggly side only lasted a couple more hours and that’s when she completely turned and became very argumentative. It was a very weird experience. I was glad when it all ended. R and I managed to get home about 2:00 this morning. We just woke up a little while ago. It was an exhausting trip that had a few bright spots, but I can honestly say that I’m just happy to be home. I will post a few pictures later.

vagina woes

tacky title?

perhaps, but I have reasons for everything.

It’s always hard to play tennis after 9.

The worst part? Robert and the pups are usually going to sleep when I leave. It’s always difficult to come home to a silent house knowing that everyone is asleep.

I play tennis several times a week. There are rare days when I cannot get a court until 9. These are usually days when I play by myself and a ball machine is required. There are many courts at the club I play at, but only four are ball machine accessible. These four courts also happen to be the pick of the litter. They are the crème de la crème. First, they are easily accessible. Second, the lighting and temperature are usually perfect. And third, they are at the center of attention. This means that anybody who wants to can sit on the other side of the glass wall and watch you play. Most often people will play their games for the day, grab a beer and sit back and watch others play. I don’t understand why this makes the courts highly desirable, but I’m sure there are some fruitcake people out there who enjoy being watched and picked apart. I don’t.

Unfortunately I have no choice when I am playing by myself and need the ball machine. This is why I usually cannot get a court until 9. You’d be surprised at the number of people who are CHARGED UP at 9:00 in the freaking evening. Even though I don’t get up until 8 most mornings I have a terrible time getting my body cranked up at 9:00. Between wrestling with the ball machine and stretching it is usually close to 9:30 by the time I play. Each round with the ball machine is roughly 200 hits at constant speed, and I can usually crank out 4 or 5 rounds by 11 when they kick me out. After playing the ball machine it takes every bit of strength I have to stretch and take off my shoes. Tonight was short lived due to a not-so-gentle reminder from my pulled muscle. Yes, I pulled a muscle last Wednesday in a place that no person should pull one. Last Thursday I could barely drive and briefly considered emailing my professors with the blunt complaint of a broken vagina, but I drove slow and took the elevator. The pain disappeared on Friday, which was a bleeping miracle because I ended up playing a read badass. After playing three people (a whopping total of 4 hours) on Saturday the pain came back and stayed through Sunday. I made the stupid mistake of lifting Rose (all 60-70 lbs. of her) into the back of Robert’s truck. I sat down after that and didn’t move for a long time. I knew that if I was to play tonight that I had to chill for a couple of hours. I didn’t experience any pain today, but after only a mere 40 minutes of tennis it was back. I have no other choice but to take it easy. Those are not three words that stick together very easily in my vocabulary. I have a strict rule about tennis and exercise in general. I absolutely cannot go two days without it unless I have a damn good excuse. There are many problems with this rule. One problem will present itself Wednesday when Robert and I leave for a few days on a business trip. Robert will be helping out with technological things I don’t understand and I will be babysitting various kids. How the heck do I play tennis outdoors with a kid on each hip? I know for a fact that Wednesday morning is the last opportunity I’ll have to play until Sunday. I really want to have a stress-free trip without worrying that I’ll lose my game, but eeeeeeeeek 6 days without tennis? I’m not sure if I want to risk making my injury even worse, but by god I have to play Wednesday.

More about the trip! It is in a far away city in Kansas. Our hotel, meals and gas are paid for. More importantly we are getting paid for this adventure. I will only babysit a few times, so the rest of the trip is open to catching up on homework. Josh will be staying with the pups while we are gone (and eating us out of house and home), so we don’t have to worry about the house or the dogs. It will be a nice little break from everything. I am looking forward to it. I’ve just got to figure out this tennis catastrophe.

manicotti

Robert made manicotti tonight. Enjoy!

bubblegum?

I'm not sure how I feel about this.

I imagine I probably pissed you off

I doubt you'll have much to say about this after what I said about the american idol kid, but I thought I'd throw it out there for you robin. this is my favorite version of imagine. it's by jack johnson.

what a day

There was a minor explosion in my kitchen this morning. I barely slept 7 hours last night so I was fairly tired. I was also hungry. I was so hungry I could barely walk. I made the dumbass decision to make oatmeal when I should have just had a protein shake and called it a day and gone back to sleep. Nope. I wanted oatmeal. The kitchen was a mess. Robert made a batch of chili and cornbread the night before and didn’t clean up. I think he was honestly going to, but he had a test early this morning. He left the cornbread on the stove in a glass pyrex container. Did I move it? No. I just wanted some damn oatmeal. I flipped on the stove (electric), and began to make toast. Just as I was about to butter my bread BAM! No wait. It was more like KAPOW! Glass and cornbread went EVERYWHERE. A large chunk hit the fish tank and about 2 pounds of glass dust settled on every surface. Somehow during the explosion I held the knife up (I guess to defend myself), and a humongous wad of butter got tangled in my hair. Because I had my back to the stove (thank the lord), I didn’t get any glass on my face, but I had a large amount of glass dust in my hair, and with the wonderful combination of butter it was a sticky sparkly mess. My first reaction to all of this? Well, I turned off the stove. My second? The dogs!! The girls were outside. Peppy, however, was glued to my side before the explosion. When the explosion occurred I thought for sure he would run and hide, but no, he was frantically racing around, trying to lick the cornbread off the glass. So, I got him the heck out of there and locked him up. Next thing I know I’m calling my mom. I thought my heart was going to pop out of my chest. Here I was, in my favorite bath robe and slippers (all covered in glass), with butter and glass in my hair, and instead of picking things up I call my mom. I have had some scary shit happen to me in my life, but never an explosion. I think any person would have called their mom.
I got the mess cleaned up, but my hair was a different story. I tried shampooing it a few times with no results, so I grabbed the orange stuff that Robert keeps in the garage (go jo?) and guess what? It worked!
Robert came home during this mess. We got the kitchen cleaned up, sat down and had a soul talk (not just about the kitchen mom), and we ended up clearing up a lot of frustrations. He offered to drive me to the one class that wasn’t cancelled and on the way we stopped at Blue Koi for some dumplings and eggplant pockets. During lunch we got the message that night classes had been cancelled. SWEET! Robert still had to work tonight, but Josh came home and we went shopping. Josh is an awesome driver. We hit a few slick spots, did a few spins, but I didn’t feel freaked out. I think I might actually learn how to drive in snow one day. Seriously, I need to grow a pair. But we had a blast. I got an awesome c.d. while we were out (thank you mom), and stopped for pizza on the way home. The silly guy even watched American Idol with me. As much as I complain about Josh I still love him. He’s a little gross and obnoxious and sometimes I wonder if Robert is going to gain some of his bad habits, but mostly I enjoy his presence. Him and Robert are like peanut butter and jelly. So, guess what mom. I’m going to shut my trap about him. If you’re reading this Josh you should probably know I was talking smack about you with my mom.
All in all this day has been monumental in many ways. I think that I’m stepping out of the blues. I’m going to make a greater effort to talk to Robert. We aren’t going to split chores completely. If we need help we’re going to ask for it. And most importantly I’m not going to try to cook if I haven’t eaten in 20 hours. Forfeit can be a powerful thing folks.
BTW I have a hair appt. tomorrow! I’m finally getting highlights! It might be crazy!

While reading this month's popular mechanics I came upon something interesting which led to something CUTE and OUT OF THIS WORLD. If you wish to make your heart wings flutter go to this site:

pigeonwatch.org

Once you are there scroll down to the question of the month. Click on it. Play the video.

lazy day

Make an on-line slideshow at www.OneTrueMedia.com

turn your ears on robin

Gary Jules "Mad World"






All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kinda funny
I find it kinda sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very mad world ... mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

going to the farm

sorry

nope, no pictures. false alarm. we have a new thing we're trying that allows us to share pictures between all the computers but right now it's not working : ( I'll try again tomorrow. I'll have even more by then because we took a trip to warrensburg today and ella had her first encounter with water. and you're right, robin. I have become a golden girl.

the 4th

yesterday was very interesting.

we knew it was going to rain late afternoon so there went the picnic at the park.

we went on a sunday drive with peppy, (rose was too busy making kissy faces with raleigh, the pup next door) only it was wednesday and a holiday to boot. there was very little traffic however and it was a peaceful drive. we found a hole in the wall bbq joint and grabbed some food to go. now, I don't know much about bbq but I will tell you that this was the best damn bbq in the kc kingdom. I know this because robert was so busy snarfing that he didn't know I was whooping his ass in dominoes until BAM I won. I rarely win against him.

now, I know what you're thinking. you're thinking, why the hell are they eating bbq and playing dominoes when they could be outside setting things on fire on the one day they can get away with it. well, it was so freaking humid that we had some kind of air advisory. because of all the flooding that's south of us the air has been overwhelmingly stagnate and humid. I may be an idiot at times but there was no way in hell I was going outside to do anything.

we then went to the store to stock up on ice cream. we had specials out the wazoo. we bought enough ice cream to fill the freezer downstairs.

when we stepped out of the store it was raining.

we got home. I started a load of laundry. we sat down to watch a little house on the prairie and BOOM.

the electricity went out.

no it didn't.

yes, it did.

etc....

robert called the great big electricity person in the sky and they told us to flip off the breakers. ok, no problemo. we waited an hour, did some yardwork (yes, in the rain) and flipped them back on.

the lights stayed on for oh, about 5 minutes and then it went dark.

we waited and waited and waited. finally, robert and I got so hungry we could wait no more, so for the second time that day we ate out. we grabbed our handy dandy coupon book and trudged outside, surrounded by smoke and lightning. we had fun trying to figure out which booms were thunder and which were fireworks.

people were still setting things on fire even as it stormed.

our lights did come back on but the fireworks didn't stop for a long time. peppy and I played it smart though and curled up way under the covers while rose and robert took care of everything.

it was just about the oddest 4th of july I've had yet so far.

passing time

What were you doing 10 years ago?

It was the summer before 5th grade. I really cannot remember that paticular summer. I do remember that I could climb up the poles on the dock and sit on the roof (didn't know that one did ya mom)? I read a lot, ran a lot and most likely, ate a lot : ).

What were you doing 1 year ago?

school, just like this year.

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. apples and peanut butter
2. string cheese
3. nectarines
4. 100 calorie packs (grasshoppers hands down)
5. cinnamon apple rice cakes (I have to hide them from the double t's because they're so good)


Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

1. anything n sync
2. anything sara groves
3. fresh prince of belair lol
4. there's this song the double t's and I sing - "I don't want to be a chicken. I don't want to be a duck. so I shake my butt. . ." I've got it memorized.
5. make the world go away by eddy arnold?

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

1. pay for the rest of college
2. and
3. that's
4. it
5. .

Five bad habits:

1. counting syllables on my fingers (it's a stress induced thing)
2. emphathising with the silverware
3. leaving projects undone
4. spitting out food that I don't like. seriously though, why eat something that you don't like.
5. cleaning the little itty bitty things like the tops of doors and completely missing the big things like paint all over the back porch.

Five things you like doing:

1. playing games with anybody! esp. the double t's and robert and heather. I love game night.
2. running with rose and peppy
3. TENNIS!!!!!!!!!!!
4. creating (but, no, not decorating)
5. reading/writing

Five things you would never wear again:

1. platforms
2. that's
3. all
4. I
5. got

Five favorite toys:

1. computer
2. downstairs stereo
3. ummmmmmmm
4.
5.

zzzz

we were exhausted after our day out on the lake.

I take up a lot of space

What does your handwriting say about YOU?
The results of your analysis say:

You fill every waking moment with activity.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You enjoy life in your own way and do not depend on the opinions of others.

?

What does your drawing say about YOU?

Your friends and associates should generally find you a dependable and trustworthy person.
You are a direct and forthright person. You like to get to the core of the issue right away, with few signs of hesitation.
You like following the rules and being objective. You are precise and meticulous, and like to evaluate decisions before making them.
You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.

waiting for the next class

1. Do you like cheese?
depends

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
no

3. Do you own a gun?
nope

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
I get so nervous that I can’t sleep the night before or keep food down. Why, I do not know. I am probably one of the top five healthiest people in the world, knock on wood: )

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
that’s a big fat no

7. What's your favorite Christmas song?
have yourself a merry little christmas

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
nothing

9. Can you do push ups?
hahAHA! Now I can, thanks to Robert. The poor guy had to show me how to correctly do a GIRL push up. Apparently the caboose doesn’t go up in the air.

10. Is your bathroom clean?
nope, not if I can help it. I am a complete mess when it comes to organizing a bathroom.

11. What's your favorite piece of jewlery?
I can’t directly say because I have three favorite pieces.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
ignore them. That’s worked for me so far : ) I’ve got the best nerd in the whole wide universe.

21. Current Hate?
well I am growing a horn on my wrist. I have no idea what it is. It doesn’t hurt but I can just about poke someone’s eye out with it. It’s a sharp little booger.

22. Favorite place to be?
on the hot hot tennis court in the middle of july OR with any member of my family, doing anything or absolutely nothing.

23. Where did you spend New Years?
In bed asleep.

24. Where would you like to go?
right now it’s a tie between Maine and Hawaii

27. Do you own slippers?
YES!!

28. What shirt are you wearing?
I know I’ll get in trouble for saying this BUT it’s a tennis shirt I found in the little boys section in an elite tennis shop. I couldn’t say no. It’s a nike tennis shirt, gray with a red emblem. Very very cool.

29. Do you burn or tan?
I burn and then freckle.

30. Favorite color?
gray and purple this week

31. Would you be a pirate?
?

35. What's in your pocket right now?
nothing...  mom what’s the dots for?

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
A picture I posted in my son's comment.  that was funny mom. He hasn’t deleted it yet.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
no flipping clue

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I haven’t had any serious injuries knock on wood

39. What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have too many. Currently it’s Johnson freaking county driving. It takes me an hour and a half sometimes to drive to school. If it’s not busy I’m there in 20 minutes.

How many TVs do you have in your house?
none

41) Who is your loudest friend?
My daughter Hannah  gosh mom when I read this I started laughing and I’m in the COMPUTER LAB! I have to say that you are my loudest friend. I get the obnoxious gene from you my dear.

42. Who is your most silent friend?
My imaginary friend  mom I thought you left that friend in the bathroom a long time ago. My silent friend is Robert.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
YES but that’s a whole new jar of beans. Hopefully he got the hint after I hit him with my car.

44. Do u wish on shooting stars?
I tried to once but then I fell off the picnic table I was laying on and that was the end of that.

45. What is your favorite book?
my very favorite book is “a heartbreaking work of staggering genius” by dave eggers.

46. What is your favorite candy?
dark chocolate, war heads, popcorn jelly beans

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Live Close By and Visit Often KT Oslin  mom you are a nut. I really want the song, “ticks” by brad paisley to be played at my wedding.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I’m with you on that one mom

49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
sleeping

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
cereal damnit food food food

domain kick phylum 'cause order folks genus smacked

This is how I remembered a certain something something for my biology test today.
*Domain
don't
*Kingdom
kick
*Phylum
people
*Class
'cause
*Order
onery
*Family
folks
*genus
get
*specific name
smacked

-a Hannah Jane creation

a little bit of pepper and hannah jane with a pinch of purple

What Your Favorite Color Purple Says About You:

Intuitive --- Seeking --- Creative Kind --- Self-Sacrificing --- Growth Oriented Strong --- Very Wise --- Rare

What Does Your Favorite Color Say About You?

Mom's take on the survey

Tired of those same old 55 questions about me surveys?
Well here are 55 you've never answered.

1. What kind of toliet paper do you use?
We use toilet paper made for RVs.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
I don't have a favorite one. My mother does, and don't even think about using it.

3. Look at your planner for April 14, what are you doing?
That was two days ago and we made plans to go cemetery hopping.

4. What color are your toenails usually?
all natural

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
I usually do copy and paste so I would have to say pictures.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
I don't have a bedroom. I sleep on an air mattress right behind the driver seat, up against the couch.

7. What color are the seats in your car?
grey cloth

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
No I have always wanted a tuxedo cat.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
A card to Robert, my daughter's beau.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
No

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
I don't frequent ATMs

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
It would have to be my grandson Hayden

13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
no

14. Do you like cinnamon toothpaste?
Yes

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
Matrix

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
What are those?

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
When my kids were small.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
Entire house

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
Clorox wipes

20. Last person to give you a business card?
The RV park we are staying in now.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
My Son

22. Closest framed picture to you?
Framed picture..... I can not hang pictures. I have over 2 dozen photo albums.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
Last night

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
Yes, had to start somewhere

25. How many emails do you have?
five or six

26. Last time you received flowers?
Last month. My mother picked an itty bitty, teeny weeny flower and asked that I photograph it.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman??
Because of the legalities, I feel marriage needs to embrace all sexes.

28. What are you listening to right now?
The hot water heater rumbling.

29. Do you play air guitar?
No

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
Just a little water to cool it off.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
Use to

32. What is your high school's rival mascot?
I have no idea.

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
About a year ago.

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
Everytime I pump gas.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
NO

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
White

37. What is in your inbox at work?
I don't have an inbox

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
An article about Nauvoo IL

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
None

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
Peter Pipers and it was nasty.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
No

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
That I can't remember

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
No

44. Are you ticklish?
Extremely - Hannah stay away from me.

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
4th of July with Hannah and Robert in Kansas City MO

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
Been ages.

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually
called back?
Hannah

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
Many many moons ago.

49. Do you have a black dog?
Yes, my geriatric puppy Surely Not.

50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge?
Yes

51. What is the worst household chore?
Making my mother's bed. We live in a RV and it is a pain in the arse to walk around the bed.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
Isabel, my granddaughter.

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
today

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
No

55. Do you have a little black dress?
No

My response to the survey

Tired of those same old 55 questions about me surveys?
Well here are 55 you've never answered.

1. What kind of toliet paper do you use?
Gosh, I’m always the person who asks for the toilet paper once I’ve sat down, if ya know what I mean. Robert’s the toilet paper man. He knows the soft brand and he buys it and splits it with me.

2. Do you have a favorite type of pen?
yes, right now it is a green one that I’ve properly destroyed with my teeth so no one will touch it.

3. Look at your planner for April 14, what are you doing?
Um, that was two days ago. It says, “Lake of the Ozarks” but it has a big ‘x’ through it and snow written by it. I wonder what happened?

4. What color are your toenails usually?
It’s funny that you ask about my toenails mr./mrs. Computer. I planned on painting them silver sparkles this morning but the purple sparkles wouldn’t come off so right now they look like sparkle vomit. Normally they are only one color of sparkles.

5. What was the last thing you highlighted?
my planner.

6. What color are your bedroom curtains?
curtains? You’re asking this question to someone who grew up in a trailer park? Why don’t you ask, “what color are your blinds”?

7. What color are the seats in your car?
many MANY colors. I have never had my car detailed, nope not in the 4 years I’ve had it.

8. Have you ever had a black and white cat?
nope.

9. What is the last thing you put a stamp on?
beau? Mom, that was so two days ago : ) As for stamps, read question number one and guess who does the stamping for me.

10. Do you know anyone who lives in Wyoming?
No

11. Why did you withdraw cash from the ATM the last time?
that is a good question. I think I needed food.

12. Who is the last baby that you held?
Sammy eli, yesterday at red lobster.

13. Do you know of any twins with rhyming names?
no

14. Do you like cinnamon toothpaste?
nope

15. What kind of car were you driving 2 years ago?
matrix

16. Pick one: Miami Hurricanes or Florida Gators?
wtf??

17. Last time you went to Six Flags?
the summer of 5th grade to be exact mom. Please don’t ask me the exact year though.

18. Do you have any wallpaper in your house?
that’s funny mom. I hate wallpaper.

19. Closest thing to you that is yellow?
I’m in the computer lab and this guy is wearing a green shirt with yellow words. It’s actually an awesome shirt. It says, “My invisible friend created me” Psalm 139:13-14

20. Last person to give you a business card?
Effie, the hairdresser of the past. I promptly spit my gum on it and flushed it.

21. Who is the last person you wrote a check to?
KCP&L

22. Closest framed picture to you?
computer & desk stretches. No joke.

23. Last time you had someone cook for you?
it’s been awhile. I’ll have to have my ‘beau’ cook again soon.

24. Have you ever applied for welfare?
mmmmmmm, I haven’t.

25. How many emails do you have?
a lot

26. Last time you received flowers?
a couple of weeks ago. Robert just about chopped down half of this pink tree outside his house and gave it to me.

27. Do you think the sanctity of marriage is meant for only a man & woman??
mom, what the hell does that mean?

28. What are you listening to right now?
candy wrappers, clicks, murmurs, giggles, humming, a stapler, a VERY BIG stapler

29. Do you play air guitar?
No

30. Do you take anything in your coffee?
I do not drink coffee.

31. Do you have any Willow Tree figurines?
I have it mom, don’t worry.

32. What is your high school's rival mascot?
Let’s see Camdenton high’s mascot was a sailboat. What are sailboats afraid of? Tornados?

33. Last person you spoke to from high school?
Emily/deckan/walter

34. Last time you used hand sanitizer?
last Wednesday.

35. Would you like to learn to play the drums?
yes

36. What color are the blinds in your living room?
THERE WE GO. Finally a hillbilly question. Unfortunately I do not have any windows in my living room.

37. What is in your inbox at work?
work???? What is that?

38. Last thing you read in the newspaper?
newspaper??? What is that?

39. What was the last pageant you attended?
none

40. What is the last place you bought pizza from?
sounds gross mom, you shouldn’t eat at places that can’t remember the whole riddle : ) as for me, I last ate at wheat state pizza. Best pizza place in the whole world.

41. Have you ever worn a crown?
does underwear count?

42. What is the last thing you stapled?
that takes too much arm movement. I usually just fold over the edges.

43. Did you ever drink clear Pepsi?
clear pepsi????????????

44. Are you ticklish?
o mom, remember the woo woos? There are two things that make my mom pee her pants. Woo woos (armpit tickles) and driving on the wrong side of the road (she’s a terrible backseat driver).

45. Last time you saw fireworks?
the 4th

46. Last time you had a Krispy Kreme doughnut?
long long time

47. Who is the last person that left you a message & you actually
called back?
well, aren’t I special?

48. Last time you parked under a carport?
many suns ago

49. Do you have a black dog?
yes, peppy, BUT he would want me to mention the defining part of his character and that is his distinctive white stripe.

50. Do you have any pickles in your fridge?
no, gasp

51. What is the worst household chore?
pulling robert’s shirts and pants inside out.

52. Who has the prettiest eyes that you know of?
can’t really think of anyone

53. Last time you saw a semi truck?
today

54. Do you remember Ugly Kid Joe?
No

55. Do you have a little black dress?
does a little black tennis outfit count?

common to all great men?

Nooooo, not the pickled cow's heart again

On an entirely different note (one of which is the ever so ominous minor) I have two test grades to report. A ‘B’ in my cpr/first aid class. AND, drum roll please, a big fat 50% (F) on my biology lab exam. I have all but failed the ding dong class. But, like a stubborn mule I am going to keep attending the class so that I can be a little bit more prepared when I take it again next semester. It will be my third time. I have realized that in a situation such as this the best thing that I can possibly do is laugh and when I get frustrated and angry because I have to see a pickled cow's heart AGAIN I just rev up the treadmill and run until everything is a white-hot blur.
I should have the Jagged Canyon cave trip pictures by tonight after a long month of waiting. It was an awesome trip, Robert’s very first cave trip, so I will be thrilled when I have the pictures and can show them off.
I am off to a meeting with my therapist aka the treadmill : )

raw oysters make me horny

No, not me, my ASL teacher.

In my ASL class today my ASL teacher signed what appeared to be,

“Raw oysters make me horny”.

After a long silent pause, everyone made the sign for “again please”.

Most of us had not been paying a whole lot of attention before this bizarre occurrence.

He signed it again, and within seconds, 7 (number of people in class) ASL dictionaries were being flung open, although most of the class had a slight clue.

The sign: (index fingers on sides of head, pointing skyward) appeared to be many different things (especially for the naïve person in the class: me) a large rabbit, candles, an eighties dance, a basketball court etc.

By the time we had our dictionaries open, the teacher, who is 254% deaf, started making grunting noises that we would have usually recognized as laughter, but in light of what he was signing, sounded a whole lot different. After catching his breath he finger-spelled the mystery word:

Horny

I wonder, now that I am home and a little more awake, if he flung that out there in an attempt to get our attention. Half the class wasn’t there and those of us who were there had our hands too tied up to sign. Three people were sharing an enormous cookie, one person was eating pizza and the rest of us wouldn’t take our hands off our cups of hot coffee for nothing (it’s 40 goddamn degrees outside for those of you who are reading this on a beach somewhere in Texas). Even if it was a trick to get our attention (a trick that works might I add) I bet that he got more joy out of teaching that word to us than all the other words combined.

apples to apples

I had a great weekend. Josh and Heather came back for the weekend so Robert and I spent Saturday with them. We played an awesome game, apples to apples, and had a super time. I spent most of Sunday working on math homework but ended the day well with dinner at Cinzetti’s (an Italian buffet) with Robert. I find out how I did on my biology lab exam tomorrow and have a math test on Wednesday but the weather is supposed to be warming up so I’ve got a cheerful face.
This is the game we played. I am not only going to buy it I’m also going to get the expansion pack. It’s the best game ever. Everyone has seven red cards. Each card has different phrases, people, words, body parts, food etc. For example I remember one particular hand I was dealt. I had Britney Spears, gallbladder, warts, the sun, oprah winfrey, apples, and skinheads. Each of the cards explains the subject. One person picks up a green card that usually has an adjective on it. For example, one of the words would be phony and on the bottom of the card there would be a list of synonyms for the word. Everyone, with the exception of the person with the green card, picks out a red card that they think fits the description the best. The person with the green card then gets to choose the red card he/she thinks is best. The person whose card is picked wins the green card. Everyone gets chances to judge. The objective is to get 8 green cards.



Just like every woman out there I am trying to lose weight. I have been exercising 1-3 hrs a day, 5-6 days a week. I am hoping to take a little bit of weight off my small frame. I have reached the infamous plateau and have introduced push-ups and rice cakes into my lifestyle (girl push-ups mind you). I have a lot of muscle so I have bumped up the cardio workouts in an effort to keep it under control. I do not want to be Hercules. I do not want veins popping out of my forehead. Anyways, so far so good. I am going to reward myself a tennis outfit for every ten pounds I lose. This adds up to 2 ½ outfits : ) Any encouragement will be accepted.

just flapping my gums

I played tennis with Ted yesterday. . . . And kicked his ass: 6-0, 6-1. He was having one of those days though so we’re going to play again when his game is on. I’ll still kick his ass.
I also have the nanny job I wanted for the summer. I have a feeling that we are going to be spending a lot of time at the pool. I’m looking forward to it. I cannot wait for this stupid semester to be over. It is wearing me down. Never again will there be another semester without at least one English class to cheer me up. Every day I try to create a list inside my head of things to look forward to.
Today’s list:
1. Chocolate dirt and worms pudding cup for tonight’s desert. (Robert made a dozen for me yesterday)
2. Tennis on Tuesday!
3. Running with Rose and Peppy on Tuesday!
4. Seeing my mom and grandma in April!
5. Tutoring on Parabolas on Thursday! HA! I’m so full of crap sometimes.

71%

After my classes today I made the slow walk to the computer lab to peek at my grade for the biology exam I took today. Normally when I am walking to check on a grade for something biology related I think of unpleasant thoughts such as, “you are walking to your grave. It will be dark and cold. These are your last few moments to breathe normally so take advantage now!” This creates a stress that’s the icing on a poop-filled cake. I begin to make clicking noises with my teeth as I get closer to the lab. My heart races with the clicking noises. My mind tries to outrun my heart and by the time I walk into the lab I am a whizzing, clicking, slam-banging, sweaty mess. I must look like the perfect ad for Paxil by god.
Today it was different. As I was walking to the lab I told myself, “Hey maybe there will be pretty red flowers at the grave! And a lemonade stand! And Justin Timberlake!(ok probably not)” I walked in, sat down at a computer, pulled up the grade and it was still a poop-filled cake but at least it had no icing. Hell, if you can’t be optimistic at least learn how to decorate the negative!

woooooweeeeeee

I MADE A 96% ON MY MATH TEST!!!!!!!!!!

And I have no idea why you didn't put this picture up mom. We look fabulous!

not a very friendly cat

You Are: 20% Dog, 80% Cat

You are are almost exactly like a cat. You're intelligent, independent, and set on getting your way. And there's no way you're going to fetch a paper for anyone!

Are You More Cat or Dog?

Your Extroversion Profile:

Activity Level: High

Cheerfulness: High

Sociability: Low

Assertiveness: Very Low

Excitement Seeking: Very Low

Friendliness: Very Low

How Extroverted Are You?

Remember...

watching The Lawrence Welk Show every Saturday night?

saturday morning blues

listening to blues and waiting for the early hours to pass.

You Are An INFP

The Idealist You are creative with a great imagination, living in your own inner world. Open minded and accepting, you strive for harmony in your important relationships. It takes a long time for people to get to know you. You are hesitant to let people get close. But once you care for someone, you do everything you can to help them grow and develop. You would make an excellent writer, psychologist, or artist.

What's Your Personality Type?

sleeping the day away

A wise old drooler and a high fashion flopper

A few of the pictures of Rose and Robert are powerful to me. They go together like skittles and milk. I haven't seen anything quite like it before. She's a daddy's girl. Yesterday she got out of her cage while Robert was gone, and because I've left quite a few pairs of shoes at Robert's house, she made good use of her freedom by piling every shoe on Robert's bed. She didn't chew on them. She simply piled them on his bed. Apparently we have one thing in common. Shoes!

updates

Ok so I failed my second biology exam. I remember looking at the exam and reading “blah kreb’s cycle blah blah ATP cyanide blah blah”. I studied but apparently I studied the wrong way. I did, however, study the right way for my biology lab exam. I passed that with a big fluorescent “B”. WOO to the HOO!
I am going on a cave trip March 10th. I cannot even express how excited I am. I will either be camping out or getting a motel room. Because I’ll be going by myself I will most likely get a motel room. I’m not that brave or that stupid. I don’t know all the details yet, but I’m excited nonetheless.
Robert somehow managed to get suite tickets to the George Strait concert. I honestly have no idea what that means. I heard the word ‘box’ in the midst of all the excitement so I am assuming they are super tickets. Robert told me he wants to be close enough to get spit on by George Strait as he sings BUT I’m assuming the box will keep us safe. I have no idea. I’ve never been to a concert before. We are also going to see STOMP tonight. That’s pretty darn exciting to me. I’ve always wanted to see them. I’m sure if they saw me banging on stuff that I’d be in the band, no problemo. I have been trying to figure out a way to bang on something tonight while I’m there. The problem I have is “Will they see me in row G?” I’ll have to up the obnoxious meter a bit.

Rose and Peppy

very frustrating

well, I made a 'C' on my first ASL test. Not the best of news. I am hoping that tutoring will help me bring up the grade on the next test. Tomorrow I find out how awful I did on my biology lab exam. I am not asking for any miracles, only a 'C', which shouldn't be too much to ask for, right? This semester is rough compared to the last two semesters. I'm spending almost 30 hours a week at school with classes and math/ASL tutoring. Today I had my second biology test and depending upon those results, I might be spending a few more hours getting biology tutoring. I cannot wait for spring break. I pray that my head doesn't explode before then.

A little bit of zany

Appetizer
What sound, other than the normal ringing, would you like your telephone to make?
Silence at its best. That’s exactly what it is most of the time.
Soup
Describe your usual disposition in meteorological terms (partly cloudy, sunny, stormy, etc.).
Hey Charles we’ve got what appears to be hail coming this way, no wait the sun is starting to shine, mmmmmm maybe not. It now looks like a snow storm is coming in from the west, nope, maybe the east. Whoa is that thunder I hear?
Salad
What specific subject do you feel you know better than any other subjects?
I know an awful lot about twirling in a circle and not getting dizzy. Does that count?
Main Course
Imagine you were given the ability to remember everything you read for one entire day. Which books/magazines/newspapers would you choose to read?
I would memorize faces, flowers, chewed-up pieces of gum, and motion at its highest peak. Everything would be magnified. I would take all of this and paint it so I could remember the day I remembered everything.
Dessert
If a popular candy maker contacted you to create their next confection, what would it be like and what would you name it?
cashews, mint oreos and a special strawberry paste. I would leave the name calling for the professionals.

On The Radio

Add to My Profile | More Videos

Texas is just a few short weeks away!!!!

Appetizer - Have you been sick yet this winter? If so, what did you come down with?
4 TIMES! Three sinus infections and that ulcer in my eye. It’s been a nightmare this winter.

Soup - What colors dominate your closet?
BOLD colors

Salad - How would you describe your personal "comfort zone"?
In Robert’s arms, fighting with Rose and Peppy for his attention.

I almost always win ; )

Main Course - On which reality show would you really like to be a contestant?
Um, I do not watch reality shows so I have no idea.

Dessert - Which holiday would you consider to be your favorite?
I do not think I have a favorite. My family has so many itty bitty holidays that happen at spontaneous moments. I consider going to the mall with my mom and grandma last October a holiday. When we had Thanksgiving at the wrong time in 2005 and all ended up puking up our guts-that was a holiday. When Scott, Robert and I went out to eat last month-that was a holiday. It will be one heck of a holiday when Robert and I fly down to Texas in March to see my mom and grandma. Those are my favorite holidays.

for robin

I have been trying to figure out a way to send this to you, Robin. I finally decided to tack it up on my blog. I read this awhile ago and it instantly reminded me of you, the harmonious brilliance you share with all of us who read your blog. After reading this again and again I found myself wondering if there might be a few special people out there who can hear or perhaps feel the deeper groove of life. If so, you are definitely one of these people, Robin.

What the Dog Perhaps Hears
Lisel Mueller

If an inaudible whistle
blown between our lips
can send him home to us,
then silence is perhaps
the sound of spiders breathing
and roots mining the earth;
it may be asparagus heaving,
headfirst, into the light
and the long brown sound
of cracked cups, when it happens.
We would like to ask the dog
if there is a continuous whir
because the child in the house
keeps growing, if the snake
really stretches full length
without a click and the sun
breaks through clouds without
a decibel of effort,
whether in autumn, when the trees
dry up their wells, there isn’t a shudder
too high for us to hear.

What is it like up there
above the shut-off level
of our simple ears?
For us there was no birth cry,
the newborn bird is suddenly here,
the egg broken, the nest alive,
and we heard nothing when the world changed.

An Indecipherable, Supernatural message from yours truly, The Bathroom Door

Well I am sick. Again. I can always tell when I’m getting sick because the knot on the back of my head (I think it’s called a gland) swells to the size of a golf ball. When I turn my head the knot makes a sickening noise that only I can hear. I found this out through a technique called “ask another person if they heard an odd noise and pretend the noise came from the chair beneath you”. This technique also requires a little wiggling of the posterior to prove that you are truly curious. It’s an awfully useful technique and I advise all who are reading this to write it down. But I kid you not, my golf ball is quite vocal. It sounds like a combination between a tiny fart and nails on a chalk board.
I hope that this turns out to be a cold because I am losing patience with my immune system and anymore infections might result in some serious immune system ass kicking.
I’m changing the subject. Watch!
On to more important matters. Ok, you know when your nose itches or you get a tingle somewhere and it technically and almost scientifically means that your ex boyfriend is going to come knocking with news about the moon breaking a mirror and black cats walking under ladders? Well I have had several unfortunate occurrences with various bathroom doors. I have honestly been smacked to Pluto in the past few days by these bathroom doors and it has kicked the supernatural section of my brain (which takes up approximately ¾ of the gray matter) into gear. Does anyone know what all these doors are trying to say to me? Now, I know y’all are thinking that they are saying, “Don’t walk so close to me you wibbergigget!” Trust me, I have already tried that approach. I now walk clear on the other side of the hall and they still somehow manage to clang me on the head. If anyone knows how to speak “bathroom door” please let me know so I can get to the bottom of this. One knot on my head is plenty.

best music video in a long time

Vegetatrian Physics by David Clewell

The tofu that’s shown up overnight in this house is frightening
proof of the Law of Conservation: matter that simply cannot be
created or destroyed. Matter older than Newton,
who knew better than to taste it. Older than Lao-tzu,
who thought about it but finally chose harmonious non-interference.
I’d like to be philosophical too, see it as some kind of pale
inscrutable wisdom among the hot dogs, the cold chicken,
the leftover deviled eggs, but I’m talking curdled
soybean milk. And I don’t have that kind of energy.

I’d rather not be part of the precariously metaphorical
wedding of modern physics and the ancient Eastern mysteries.
But still: whoever stashed the tofu in my Frigidaire
had better come back for it soon. I’m not Einstein
but I’m smart enough to know a bad idea when I see it
taking up space, biding its time.
Like so much that demands our imperfect attention
amid the particle roar of the world: going nowhere, fast.

HelloGoodBye again

I am in love with Forrest Kline.

The Concert by Lisel Mueller

The harpist believes there is music
in the skeletons of fish

The French horn player believes
in enormous golden snails

The piano believes in nothing
and grins from ear to ear

Strings are scratching their bellies
openly, enjoying it

Flutes and oboes complain
in dialects of the same tongue

Drumsticks rattle a calfskin
from the sleep of another life

because the supernatural crow
on the podium flaps his wings
and death is no excuse

LOOK AT THE POGS YALL

Music Video:

Here (In Your Arms) - Hellogoodbye Videos

Get Yours: Music Video Codes & Flash Games

my first publication

Awhile ago I sent off a few of my poems to a literary magazine at my school. I did not question whether or not they would be published but sent them as a first step into the wondrous world of rejection. On the day I sent them off I sat down and proceeded to write a letter to Denny, my best friend in high school who passed away when we were 16. As I was collecting the poems to be sent off I threw in the letter as an afterthought. Oddly enough the letter has been selected for publication in the magazine. Because it is officially copyrighted now I am going to post it on my blog.




A letter to Denny 12/05/85-04/24/02


It has been four years since you’ve passed.
I live in the city now.
It is always bright here.
Lights are always shining in my eyes.

It was raining the week before you passed and the roads to your house flooded.
You had two strokes or you would have seen the rain too.
Maybe you did.
My mother and I had to walk a few miles to reach your mother.
She was alone. Her house was filled with strangers but the room where your mother sat was empty. I walked over to her and put my arms around her and touched her hair the way you would have.
She smelled bitter and the ashes from her cigarettes speckled her face and hair.
I could hear surrender in her breathing.
Her spark never returned. It caught fire and ravaged her bones.
She died a year after you.
The doctors said it was bone cancer but I knew better.
The grief metastasized and ate her up.
After she passed your sister and brother moved away.
They are orphans. I no longer know them.
Before they moved someone set fire to your house.
Your prom dress was in there.

I learned to drive and my grandfather bought me a brand new car.
I drove to the top of your hill and waited for you.
You never came.
I graduated high school. When they called the names I kept waiting to hear yours.
It was never called.
I went on my first date after starting college. He picked me up in his beat up car and took me out to dinner.
At the end of the night he kissed me. My first kiss.
I raced up the stairs to my apartment and picked up my phone to call you.
I must have dialed the wrong number because it was disconnected.
It didn’t matter though. I made popcorn and talked out loud while I ate.
Did you hear me?

My grandfather is gone now. The last word I heard him say was, “help” but it was too late.
The house I grew up in is gone. The trees are gone too. Hermit’s Holler has been raped and its bosom still leaks milk.
The whippoorwills will cry,
“give me room, give me room”, until there isn’t any space left.
It’s someone else’s private property now.
I’m not allowed to kick the rocks and touch the ground I touched for 18 years.

When I hear other girls whisper and giggle it takes every particle of my strength not to dissolve.
I am jealous. Their laughter and words should be ours.

I will be graduating in two years. I will buy two hats to toss in the air.
I will throw yours first.
I wrote my first concrete poem and it startled me.
The words took the shape of you.
I have grown smaller since you saw me last. I lost the weight of my depression and now wear the lip gloss you put down when your lips turned cold.

I take walks with my dog and fiancée and tell them stories about the years you and I were blessed with.
When I have kids I will tell them these stories too. They will know who you are.
Your pictures will never be taken down and put away.

It is hard to move on.
I have been moving on for four years.
I am moving past your death.
I take you with me.

o is for obnoxious

Appetizer: What comes to mind when you see the color orange?
Before Guatemala I always thought of that orange soap men like to keep in their garages. Now I also think of Sunsets that can be heard, seen and tasted.

Soup: Did you ever get in trouble while you were in school? If so, what was it for?
In high school I did. I could not walk in a straight line or talk without moving my hands and feet. I used those same hands and feet to run from the straight line one day and never came back.

Salad: Which topping(s) make up your perfect pizza?
zucchini, pineapple, spinach, avocados and LOADS OF PARMESON BABY!

Main Course: Do you believe in UFOs/aliens/etc.? Why or why not?
of course. I know that humans are aliens to others.

Dessert: What color is your bedspread/comforter/quilt?
I have a few. The first is a childhood quilt that is used for aesthetic purposes only. I also have a light green quilt, a dark green comforter, and an outrageously ugly plaid overthrow that is simultaneously flashy and quiet.

Here and There by Stephen Dunn

Here and there nightfall
without fanfare
presses down, utterly
expected, not an omen in sight.
Here and there a husband
at the usual time
goes to bed with his wife
and doesn’t dream of other women.
Occasionally a terrible sigh
is heard, the kind that is
theatrical, to be ignored.
Or a car backfires
and reminds us of a car
backfiring, not of a gunshot.
Here and there a man says
what he means and people hear him
and are not confused.
Here and there a missing teenage girl
comes home unscarred.
Sometimes dawn just brings another
day, full of minor
pleasures and small complaints.
And when the newspaper arrives
with the world,
people make kindling of it
and sit together while it burns.

I am an angry masculine chocolate wood sun with creative morning space in summer not spring god not spring and I will active your yang baby

You Are More Yang

Masculine Creative Angry Spring Summer Morning Sun Space Active Wood Chocolate

Are You More Yin or Yang?

what a way to start the year

I had a very peaceful first day of the year. Robert and I stopped at one of our favorite Chinese places with Rose and Peppy in tow. After lunch we drove them out to the doggy park. It was Rose’s first time. We jumped out of the truck with a pup on each leash and proceeded to slide down the muddiest hill I have ever seen. To make matters worse other dogs were coming and going and Peppy had to exchange sniffs with each and every one of them. He kept trying to get Rose involved but she was just too darn interested in the people. She licked, wiggled and jumped her way into the hearts of every single person out there. When I took her leash off she threw me a surprised look that said, “really”? and instead of shooting off like Peppy she lingered with Robert and I for a few moments. She could not resist greeting every single person though. Peppy started what Robert and I fondly call the “drool factor”. The “drool factor” is a rapid increase in the production of saliva that eventually hangs to the ground because Peppy gets too excited to swallow. He can go for several minutes without dropping the long string of drool. It usually gets caught on a rock or if he is running extremely fast long pieces will pull against the wind and streak his upper face. He becomes this black whir of slobber and spit that can outrun and out-drool anything on the face of this earth. A few select people ooh and ah over the sheer beauty and grossness of it. Most just pull their dogs away and start heading in the other direction. Kids almost always understand his long strings of drool. They linger between shouts of “cool” and “ewww”. Halfway through our walk Rose came running up to us and we were shocked to see long sticky trails of drool all over her head. Apparently she got underneath his chin and soaked up his most massive drool string yet.
It was a very exciting walk. Rose was attacked during the beginning by two unknown pups who were thrilled to see another pup. At first she kept trying to get away from them, but it didn’t take long for her to start playing with them. She rarely interacted with the other dogs though. She did, however, do her best to go home with every person there. She would stop directly in front of a person and roll onto her back. Nobody could resist scratching her tummy. Many commented on how soft she was, but after she became a giant drool ball many chose to comment on how large her head was. She looks like a golden retriever/giraffe mix with a head that belongs on a Saint Bernard. She grows every day but it’s in bits and pieces so she always looks off balance. I have hope that someday the rest of her body will catch up with her head.
After we took a walk we all took a nap, Peppy excluded. He was trying to show off how tough he was because apparently he zonked out at bedtime last night. We ended the day with Robert’s special spaghetti and The Blue Collar Comedy Tour. It was a very peaceful day.

another year

Appetizer
How do you usually celebrate on New Year's Eve?
asleep. there is no way in hell I’m staying up for just another damn year.

Soup
Name one thing unexpected that happened to you in 2006.
LOTS of unexpected things happened. I got accepted into UMKC, aced two math classes and fell in love with Fergie.

Salad
Where was your favorite place that you visited in 2006?
Landahl and Guatemala. I really loved the off road biking thing and Guatemala was and still is beyond my comprehension. I loved the fast setting sun and beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I loved BRUNO aka froggy and that stupid ass peacock that almost took off my mom’s toes. I’m sorry mom but that was hilarious.

Main Course
What resolution is your top priority for 2007?
Ok let’s think about this. I’m a twenty something year old with an average build. Hmmm how hard can this be? No, if I lose 23 pounds and can fit into a size 2 that would be great. That was my resolution from last year. I gained 6 pounds though.

Dessert
Using just three words, describe 2006.
suffocating, confident, sluggish

helicopter?

Appetizer
Have you ever flown in a helicopter?
No but I dance like one

Soup
What color is your warmest coat or jacket?
HA! Like I own a coat. I think the warmest thing I have is layers. One layer for every 5 degrees below 80. I look like chunky peanut butter if I wear my favorite brown sweater and it’s 20 outside.

Salad
What is your favorite rainy day activity?
I really like to run in the rain. all is well until my undies get wet then I call it quits and read a book.

Main Course
Describe your hands.
short, fattish, scarred thumbs thanks to scott and that damn hammer. my nails are quite ghastly because I keep em’ short for tennis.

Dessert
If you could eat only one nut for the rest of your life, what nut
would you pick?
dark chocolate almonds

I miss my mascara, confidence! and my Rosie pie and Peppyboo

Well my eye is doing a lot better (for those of you who didn’t know I have a corneal ulcer). I am, however, about to go mad because I haven’t been able to wear mascara for awhile. Such a small catastrophe. I am now awaiting the next disaster. I know now never to brag about my inability to get sick because God will put me in my place. I have been enjoying my break immensely but I am ready to get back to school. Making straight A’s last semester really gave me the confidence I needed to face biology again. Hopefully this will be my last time I take biology. I also know that I will most likely ace any math class that comes my way. It’s hard for me to admit that I enjoy math. Who the hell likes math?
Rose and Peppy are doing so well together. Just last night Peppy finally let Robert and I see how much he loves Rose. He actually played with her right in front of us. Usually we have to peek between the blinds to see them play together. He was very gentle with her too and even licked her face a few times. She is growing so fast. Already her paws are bigger than Peppy’s. The neighbors across the street from Robert have been letting their kids walk them around the block. Rose carries her leash in her mouth just like Lily does. It’s really cute.

?

Should I post anymore?

An update as of two seconds ago

Here is an update on my life.
I am out of school for 3 or 4 weeks. I will be working more hours at the bank and babysitting more until school starts up again. Christmas presents were sent off last night! I only wrapped 2% of them. Heather wrapped the rest. I will know my final grades tomorrow! I am nervous. I am currently decorating my apartment and trying to make tofu the southern way. Robert’s uncle bought a 1976 yellow ambulance off of ebay and they are picking it up tomorrow. It is very funny looking. Rose and Peppy played together for the first time yesterday. Peppy is slowly warming up to her. She likes to sleep with her head underneath the entertainment center. She is currently trying to find a way to chew on several squeakies at once. We bought them stocking stuffers and filled hers with tennis balls. It’s funny because when I drop the stocking it bounces. Robert is turning the newly renovated downstairs into a home theater. Josh brought over big speakers and helped install them. It is the funniest thing to feel the house shake as it blasts George Strait. There will be no Christmas tree this year. There is no time to set one up.

one word

one word meme
1. Yourself: funny
2. Your spouse: N/A
3. Your hair: poofy
4. Your mother: eccentric
5. Your father: cuckoo
6. Your favorite item: apartment
7. Your dream last night: suffocation
8. Your favorite drink: tea
9. Your dream car: F350
10. The room you are in: yellow
11. Your ex: soft
12. Your fear: geese
13. What you want to be in 10 years: alive
14. Who you hung out with last night: robert
15. What you’re not: quiet
16. Muffins: nope
17: One of your wish list items: seashells: )
18: Time: morning
19. The last thing you did: giggle
20. What you’re wearing: ooolala
21. Your favorite weather: frosty
22. Your favorite book: heartbreakingworkofstaggeringgenius
23. The last thing you ate: honeybunchesofoats
24. Your life: spontaneous
25. Your mood: calm
26. Your best friend(s): peppy
27. What you’re thinking about right now: work
28. Your car: slow
29. What you’re doing at the moment: kissing
30. Your summer: tennis
31. Your relationship status: taken
32. What’s on TV: ?
33. The weather: brrrr
34. The last time you laughed: now