waste of words expressive

you will be missed

2009-10-25T15:23:00.004-05:00

This morning little Zeus passed away from a tumor in his intestines. He was his perky little self until a couple of days ago. At that time we noticed that most of his whiskers were burned off. Apparently the little fart got a little too close to a candle. But after a little research we discovered that cats who lose their whiskers will act funny so we decided that if he was still in the same shape that we would take him to our vet on Monday. He was sleeping most of the time and when he did get up he would walk like a drunk, but other than that he was fine. His little motor kept chugging along and he kept pooping in his box and eating regularly. This morning, after Robert and I woke up, my mom and grandma (they stayed the night) mentioned that he started screaming about 4 and after a little while he messed himself. Well, shortly thereafter he had a similar incident and after bathing him Robert and I decided to take him to the vet. He never came home. They said that the tumor was too massive to remove.

He was such a joy to have around. Rose keeps looking for him and to be quite honest I keep expecting to see his little head pop up from the basket that Robert took him in. It was quite sudden and we're all a little shocked.

We had him for only a month, but I would like to think he lived a grand life. Two great dog friends, wet food every day, an automatic crapper and two suffocating humans.

It was a great month for us too, Zeus.

lots of love

2009-10-19T16:22:00.001-05:00

Meet Zeus

2009-10-14T15:47:00.005-05:00

About a month ago a friend of ours found a crying box while out playing frisbee golf. Lo and behold there was a kitten inside! One phone call later and he had a new home, OURS! Right away he bonded with Robert, but he tolerates me well, esp. when he wants to eat and I'm the only one around. Rose immediately took to him, and promptly filled the mama role. Ella was not pleased for awhile, but slowly and surely she warmed up to him. Now they romp through the house like two best buds. Honestly I wasn't sure how a teeny tiny kitten that barely weighed a pound was going to hold his own in a house filled with dinosaurs, but he's quite the little shit (excuse my language). One sneak attack is all it takes to put the girls in their place.

He loves car rides!

frustrated

2009-09-12T12:35:00.001-05:00

The last two weeks have been crazy. Two weeks ago I caught the flu. As I was getting better my mom and grandma showed up for a visit and during their visit I managed to get sick again and am only now feeling better. This morning I finally attempted tennis again and played fairly well considering my stuffy nose and rusty skills. Next on my list of musts are two papers that really should be completed this weekend because next week my mom and grandma are visiting again and I will no doubt be too preoccupied to write. I am also seeing my doctor this upcoming week for my yearly physical, which can only be a pleasant experience after she stuck things up my nose last week, and I plan on asking her why I have been catching every damn bug. It seems like just when I’m beginning to feel fantastic, and I’m accomplishing goals, eating healthy, maintaining my weight and exercising ferociously I am suddenly tackled by some kind of bug and then all I can manage to do is sleep which is quite depressing. Then once I’m better I start all over again only to be taken down once more. It’s getting to be exhausting, frustrating and unbelievably depressing. Interestingly enough I had mono about six years ago and after I fought through that the doctor warned that because my immune system was shot I may catch every bug known to man. I went at least a year without getting sick at all and then for quite awhile I only got sick occasionally. Now, over the past year I have been sick at least half a dozen times. What am I doing wrong? I don’t know. Perhaps it is the stress. Perhaps, after six years of semi-vegetarianism, four of which I have eaten quite healthy and two of which I have begrudgingly added fish, it is finally catching up with me. Maybe I need to exercise more than ten hours a week. Maybe I need meditation or God rather than painting or cuddling with my dogs, or more than seven or eight hours of sleep a night. Maybe it isn’t enough to have a fantastic family. Maybe I don’t laugh enough or take enough Vitamin ABCDEFGHIJK etc. Perhaps I should wear a mask and gloves or a bubble. Maybe I should spray my feet with disinfectant after I use them to open bathroom stalls and flush toilets. What if I’m allergic to my dogs or my books? I throw my hands up. What am I doing wrong?

hurry up wait

2009-08-30T22:43:00.003-05:00

I don't know what to say to the cooler weather.

my goldens

2009-08-24T21:23:00.006-05:00

they're usually piled up nearby

unless one sneaks into my favorite chair

a message from my pond

2009-08-21T15:15:00.011-05:00

even when it rains & you lob like a drunk emu & all the blueberries have turned smushy, there just might be some small bit of wonder you're missing.

robin and a little bit of route 66

2009-08-13T10:36:00.003-05:00

*Important Note* Robert and I bought a small pull behind RV earlier this summer. This was our first long trip.

Please excuse all spelling and grammatical errors. Also, this is a tad long so you might want to grab a cup of coffee and make yourself comfortable. I wanted to break it up but couldn't figure out how. Oh and for the pictures you need to visit my myspace.

Last Saturday, 8/1, we took off in our RV and rushed to Chicago to visit Robin, a very special friend of mine (we’re also related too-she’s my mom’s cousin). The last time I visited her was about twelve years ago and I totally loved her then but we didn’t keep in touch after that. About three years ago we found each other through blogging and since then it has been a wish of mine to visit her, Jay (her husband) and Meander (their golden). Well last week that wish came true! We were able to visit for awhile on Sunday and then on Tuesday she drove up to the campground where Robert and I were staying at and we went hiking and cooked out. It was a total blast. I wish we lived closer together. It’s interesting that my most favorite people, Scott, Robin and Louis, all live so so far away (mom and grandma you don’t count because you’re close by sometimes).

Oh but this trip was so amazing. We drove through Iowa just to see something different. We saw a lot of corn. Every little teeny tiny space was filled with corn. I think we even saw it in the median a few times. Just goes to show that different isn’t always good. But still it was my first time in Iowa. When I told my father that I was finally going to Iowa he said, “at least your first 22 years were good.” He never knows my age.

But Iowa wasn’t all bad. Somewhere towards the end of it was the world’s largest truck stop. It had a dentist, movie theater, food court and an entire wall of LED lights. Robert swears that he can build a semi out of the parts they sell there. And I’m inclined to believe him.

After rushing through Iowa we decided to stop for the night in a mystery place. My mom called after we woke up the next morning and asked where we were. I told her we were at a Flying J. “But where,” she asked. “Not a damn clue,” I said as I stumbled into a large water tower with 'La Salle' painted on its side.

We should have known that the rest of the day was going to be much the same way, with a lot of blundering and confusion, but no, we filled up on truck stop food (grits and rye toast) and took off blindly. It was a Sunday so we had assumed that Chicago traffic would be light and that we wouldn’t have a huge problem finding an RV spot so we could hook up, leave the dogs and take the truck into Chicago to see Robin. WRONG. After looking for and not finding an RV park we decided to look for a camping world. The first camping world no longer existed, although thankfully there was a sign in the parking lot with the new location written on it. When we found the new location the people there kindly directed us to Chain O’ Lakes (spitting distance from Wisconsin), which is exactly what it sounds like. Like a bag o’ donuts you buy at the gas station, a cheap little park filled with a smattering of lakes. At first we were excited. We had visions of swimming with the dogs, which has been a goal that we have been pursuing for three years now. Every place that offers swimming is always for humans or for dogs. There’s no swimming for dogs and humans. So Robert and I were pretty gosh darn excited about the swimming factor.

After we found the place we hooked up and dropped the dogs off and set off for
Chicago. We were perfectly aware of the toll roads. In fact we had spent about $20 in tolls just driving around trying to find an RV park, but we what we weren’t aware of was the fact that our GPS was trying to take us on all the toll roads. At one point we just decided to keep on driving straight (we actually missed our turn), and not only did we save time by missing the toll turn, we also missed the toll turn. I am not kidding nor am I paranoid. Our GPS was out to get us.

Finally, finally, we arrived at Robin’s place, which was this little extraordinary piece of paradise right on the edge of what appeared to be Hell. As Robert and I drove in we made sure the doors were locked and whispered small prayers. Well I did. When we arrived at Robin’s the view completely tackled me, and for a small moment I became a water person. It was unbelievable. Her apartment is right on Lake Michigan, and after meeting Meander and getting a quick and delicious bite to eat at a nearby Greek restaurant we all went out to her back porch and watched and listened to the waves. There is something healing about her place, and I’m positive that it has everything to do with the water. We had a wonderful chat that night, sitting outside with Robin and Jay, sharing memories and laughs. I cannot illustrate the power of good conversation with words. Nor can I illustrate the sound of the waves.

The next day Robert’s mom and grandma met us at the campsite. They were on their way back from Philadelphia and decided to stop by and explore Chicago with us. And that’s what we did. We ate the best pizza I have ever had and drove through Boystown. We even stopped at the Whole Foods in Boystown and picked up some vegan beef jerky (a no no) and root beer (fantastic!). After we left Chicago we returned to Chain O’ Lakes for our second night. Robert’s mom was thrilled to stay in the RV, but because Robert’s grandma did not receive a formal invitation to sleep in the RV she opted to sleep in the car. Yes folks, Robert’s grandma stayed in the car. At the beginning of the day Robert had pulled me aside, and with that cute face of his, asked me if his mom and grandma could stay with us. I was all for it, not because I really wanted them to stay but because I would be owed. Because it was a huge favor Robert would no doubt be playing with my hair and listening to Mary Oliver’s poetry all the way back home. It sounded like a good idea to me. Well then Robert took it one step further and asked me to invite them. This did not sound like a good idea, but I half agreed because I figured I might be able to get a t-shirt out of the deal. Well I never really invited them. I just said, “so are you guys staying with us?” Well apparently that was a big fat mistake because I didn’t say, “Ms. Audrey and Ms. Carolyn you are cordially invited to sleep in our recreational vehicle.” So Robert’s grandma opted to sleep in the car, and although we asked her politely and then not so politely to get in the damn RV, she refused. She wouldn’t even use our bathroom! At first we were worried about her, especially since she would have to walk to the park’s bathroom if she needed to pee, but later, as we sat around eating ice cream and playing cards we all started laughing at the situation, and you know, I kind of hope that his grandma heard us. The whole situation just makes me appreciate my grandma even more.

After Robert’s mom and grandma left we investigated the park where we were staying at and discovered that nobody could go swimming. Not even the dogs. Apparently there is an evil weed lurking beneath the waters. We didn’t ask any questions. I’ve read stories and seen movies about vicious plants. As a vegetarian I’m already on their shit list.

After Robert’s mom and grandma left, Robin, Jay and Meander came out to the park and we went for a wonderful hike which was more like a stroll through various parking lots, but because we were accompanied by three exuberant golden retrievers it was a very awesome experience. We could have been walking next to a sewage plant and we wouldn’t have cared. As predicted Meander and Ella became fast friends. Rose, who is strictly a Robert lover, even enjoyed his presence but had to use her stern voice a few times. After our hike Robert and Jay went to Wal-Mart and Robin and I had a wonderful conversation. When Robert and Jay got back we set some hot dogs and marshmallows on fire and had a fantastic dinner.

After dinner we sat around and chatted some more until a very old and cranky park ranger told us that we had to leave. Earlier in the day Robert had spoken to the park manager and asked for a few extra hours because we didn’t want to stay the night. The manager had agreed to give us a couple extra hours because we didn’t want to get charged for the whole night since we were leaving before the night even started. Well this park ranger told us to put leashes on our dogs (they were laying at our feet) and get out before a certain time. So we had to quickly pack up and say our goodbyes to Robin, Jay and Meander.

We headed to Joliet where Robert’s mother and grandma had found a motel (it’s ok I’m laughing too) and parked in a Taco Bell for the night that was located next to where they were staying. Robert’s mom actually paid more money to stay in a motel with an indoor pool so that Robert and I could go swimming. This was a huge deal, because as most of you know, she is a penny pinching, ramekin stealing, coupon crazed maniac.
The next day we started out on Route 66 and visited quite a few fun places including the Joliet prison and the Gemini Giant.

BUT, before I bore you to tears I am just going to skip ahead to my favorite part of Route 66 in IL. Robert and I thought we were just going to stop for a few minutes and take pictures of a semi with a ‘Humpin’ to please’ logo on it at Henry's Rabbit Ranch. It was late in the day and we weren’t expecting to see anybody. Boy were we in for a surprise. As we started looking around at the place the owner approached us and asked us if we wanted to look inside the shop. So we did. While we were looking around he started talking about Montana, a black rabbit who obviously meant a lot to him. He pulled out pictures, books and pamphlets bearing her name and pictures before finally mentioning that she ran for president. That’s when Robert and I knew that we weren’t just talking to an ordinary person. The guy pulled out banners, buttons and shirts with “Montana for president” written all over them and told us that she had one over on all the previous presidential candidates. “First,” he said, “she’s a woman. And not only is she a woman, she’s also black and old.” Well what could we say to that?

Before Robert and I knew it this man was telling us about the rabbits that he had rescued, past and present with this voice of complete wonder and adoration. He even asked if we wanted to meet the rabbits that he had at the moment. And we just couldn’t say no of course. It turns out that this man had 26 rabbits that were currently outside waiting to be loaded up and taken inside for the evening. Not only did he have 26 rabbits, he knew everything there was to know about them, including genealogy, temperament, and their current health conditions. He told us each and every one of their names and who their soul mates were. He told us stories about how he came to know them, tales of tragedy and miracles and introduced us to Montana’s running mate, a very clean and studious rabbit with freckles. One rabbit, a peanut butter colored one, had endured two seizures, the first giving him a lopsided appearance and the second reversing the affects of the first seizure.

Finally after meeting each and every rabbit he pointed to a cluster of VW Rabbits and said, “I collect all kinds.” Robert and I said our goodbyes and began to wander off. Before we could make it very far we stumbled upon a very large and well kept cemetery. Montana’s ‘headstone’ was the first in a very long line. As we stopped to read each headstone we noticed that each mentioned brothers and sisters, sidekicks and soul mates, and a complete character description of each rabbit. One headstone really spoke to me. On it was a rabbit that had clearly passed away, but beneath his name was a name I recognized as one of the rabbits the man had just introduced us to. Even though she hadn’t passed away yet there was room for her next to her deceased soul mate. It was definitely one of those moments when you feel like everything is right in the world.

Of course there was more wonderful and fabulous adventures including the best frozen custard ever and the charming dilapidated buildings filled with spirits and creaky floors, but nothing quite as special as the rabbit ranch.

We visited the Route 66 State Park which used to be Times Beach and stumbled into a patch of seed ticks that turned my black flip flops brown. Robert, in his superman cape, took them back to the RV, leaving me barefoot with the girls. Perhaps it was because I was walking quietly and focusing on each sharp rock in the gravel road, but somehow we stumbled upon two deer. One close enough to see inside her nose. We all froze, the deer, Rose, Ella and myself, and just stared at one another. I watched her nostrils flare as she watched the dogs pant. Our curiosity was so bright that it made all boundaries invisible. Finally Rose half lunged, half tripped and startled the two deer, but all the way back to the RV we could hear the faint rustle of leaves. A few times we even saw flashes of them as they followed us.

Our last day was supremely magical. After touring Meramec Caverns the day before we decided to wait to check out other caves at a better time rather than fight the crowds on a busy Saturday. So we ended Route 66 in Sullivan, MO and set out to Springfield to see Josh. On the way there Robert pulled down a gravel road that ran alongside a small river. I thought he was crazy when he said that we were going to climb down the embankment and go swimming with the dogs. I didn’t think he was serious. Not only was the embankment a sharp and dangerous mess of weeds and fallen branches, it was also a steep drop into the river. As soon as I realized he wasn’t joking I had no other choice but to throw on a brave face and my swimsuit. Going down wasn’t quite that bad. Rose had to be coaxed into jumping off the bank into the water, but while Robert coaxed her I took off with Ella. I will admit that I envisioned us swimming side by side, but I should I have known that was a little too unrealistic. She kept insisting on getting on top of my back which hurt like all get out so I carried her until she could touch. Once she caught her breath she got right back in and fought the current and conquered. Eventually we did get to swim side by side which is an extraordinary thing folks. Extraordinary. Once Robert got Rose off the hill and into the water she took off. While Rose may be a lazy whiner at times there is nothing that can stop her when she swims.

We swam for about ten minutes with the dogs and started searching for a way to get out where the dogs could reach. We eventually found a spot that worked for them but it didn’t work very well for us. Once we got up we knew we were in deep doo doo. As soon as we got out of the river we ran into what felt like a mile long patch of stinging nettle. Thankfully we had a massive web of fallen trees to distract us as we tore our way through the itchy, fiery mess of nettle. We had swam so far down the river trying to find a dog friendly exit that we hadn’t realized how far we would have to walk back, and I swear to you now that every single inch of our way back was filled with stinging nettle and fist sized spiders hanging haphazardly everywhere. When we made it back to the road we came across another obstacle: a barb wire fence. Let’s just say that we said a few prayers before we jumped. After we made it across the fence we were a slimy, muddy, scratched up mess. Rose and Ella, however, were still racing through the spider and nettle infested woods at top speed, happier than we’ve ever seen them. When I asked Robert if he would do it all over again he just looked over at me and gave me the biggest smile. What a way to end such an awesome trip.

2 new paintings

2009-07-25T20:11:00.004-05:00

Yellow Flower

Mother Teresa

now I'm hungry

2009-07-20T23:02:00.005-05:00

Recently Robert and I became fans of the television show, “The BestThing I Ever Ate,” which is a show with a bunch of chefs talking about their favorite places to eat particular types of food. Tonight we watched one about their obsessions and I couldn’t help but think of a few of my obsessions. Although I am definitely not a chef I like to think that, as a pickatarian, I have darn good taste. I have a few obsessions, but if I have to narrow it down my two greatest obsessions are definitely Sister Mary’s Righteous root beer and a special kind of baked tofu, but I’ll give you a list.

Mccoys, KC, MO – Sister Mary’s Righteous root beer. It is like a root beer float without the ice cream. There’s some kind of magic that they do to their root beer (they tell me it’s almond extract). It’s as if they make a root beer float and then wave a magic wand over it and POOF, no ice cream. The best part is that they serve it in a frozen mug. It’s fantastic.

Chopped – This is a popular place in Tucson, AZ. So popular that they have two! You walk in and take a card and check off all the things you want on your salad (they have everything you can imagine), and then they chop it up into super duper tiny pieces. Because of this it blends into what I like to call salad soup. Interestingly enough they do not chop up their grapes, which is perfectly fine, because they become these little jewels in your salad. Each time you find one you feel victorious! My most favorite thing about Chopped, however, is their baked tofu. I have dreams about this tofu. The texture is very dry, and the taste is a very explosive kick of soy sauce. It’s this beautiful blend of rich and simple. I order it on the side, because as much as I love the salad, it definitely takes away from the beautiful simplicity of the tofu.

Si Senor – thankfully there are two of these, one in Chandler, AZ, and one in Las Cruces, NM. This place is so good that Robert and I have gone out of our way to stop at one when we’re out on a road trip. And it’s probably our favorite place to eat, which is an amazing thing, because he’s a diehard meat fanatic and I’m a picky semi-vegetarian. Their chile relleno is the best I’ve ever tried, and I’ve tried a lot. It’s simple too, nothing fussy or fancy about it. It comes with a few other things on the only vegetarian platter they have, and to be quite honest it’s so good that I don’t have a darn clue what else is on the plate. I always choose the green sauce over the red, because the chile relleno has a kick to it. And even then I typically scrape the sauce off. It’s that good.

Loving Spoonfuls – This is a vegan restaurant in Tucson, AZ, but unlike many other vegan places it serves the plain ol’ hamburger and carrot salad in addition to the fancy stuff. At most vegan restaurants I’ve been to there isn’t anything simple. It’s all a bunch of indecipherable fancy pants stuff. Sometimes even a vegetarian wants is a damn hamburger. We’re humans too. But even though their hamburger is quite extraordinary, it isn’t an obsession of mine. My obsession is the chocolate peanut butter shake. It must have crack in it because no matter who I am with, I always end up fighting for it. My mother somehow always makes off with most of it! It is this perfect blend of smooth and chunky. It is super thick with peanuts that are so big they get stuck in the straw. Usually vegan shakes are chalky, but this one is incredibly silky. And because the people at Loving Spoonfuls are so friendly they will even make one for breakfast!

Blue Koi – Two words – lettuce wraps. Oh holy wow, these are the best lettuce wraps out there. You have not lived until you’ve tried them. Don’t forget the drizzle of hot sauce.

Now, l do have a couple of cheap obsessions. First, I have an incredible obsession with Auntie Anne’s plain pretzels. This is my weakness. Once a year I will sneak into a mall dressed completely incognito with sunglasses, a hat and a little mustache (j/k!) and grab one of their pretzels and race back to my car to eat it in private. There is something about a plain ol’ Auntie Anne’s pretzel that speaks to me. It is 310 calories of pure carb fantasy. I know that when God made me he gave me the weakness of carbs. I can say no to a margarita or chocolate fudge brownie, but I can’t say no to bread. Or cereal. If I could eat with no regret I would have rye toast and bran flakes every morning for the rest of my life. But back to the pretzel. If someone could figure out a way that I could eat one every day without having to run 10 miles and do 2,000 squats each time then I would marry them. No questions asked. My other cheap weakness is Juice Stop. Just typing those two words makes me want to get in my car and drive to Lawrence, KS right now and wait for them to open tomorrow. They have this drink that Josh and Robert have been getting for years. They’ve changed the name a few times so I’m not exactly sure what it’s called right now, but Josh and Robert have always lovingly referred to it as the triple crown. It used to be orange juice, frozen yogurt and milk, but recently, since I’ve become a fan, they’ve taken out the milk and added ice, which is probably why they’ve changed the name again. It is PHENOMENAL. I had it exactly three times last semester and I remember each occasion right down to the outfit I was wearing when I drank it. It’s like orange heaven in a cup. Each time we went it was after a long day of school and Robert always ordered the most gigantic size and we would share it on the way back home. An hour of unbelievable joy for the taste buds. I can’t wait for the fall semester.

What are your obsessions?

frisbee love

2009-06-18T22:13:00.005-05:00

wine and grapes and barbie parts

2009-06-10T20:35:00.003-05:00

All is well in Kansas. I’ve been doing a lot of NOTHING, which is awesome. I started babysitting a little more since the parents I babysit for are in the process of moving. They have this three year old that is a serious trip. Let’s call him ‘G’. G’s whole purpose in life is to hurt as many people as possible, including me. I have more bruises than when I worked at UPS. Crazy huh? We went to an indoor play area yesterday and he took down about 6 toddlers. In the process of apologizing to a very shocked 10 year old (yes, seriously, 10), G turned off the lights which wouldn’t have been such a big deal, BUT they were the kind of lights that take forever to turn back on so all the kids that G didn’t already pinch, kick or hit started wailing. We left pretty soon after that. On another occasion when we were loading up in the car G started running towards this random stranger who just happened to be walking down the street. After chasing G down he started screaming for his mom and YANKED my shirt down during this tantrum. After pulling my shirt back up (full flash people) the guy told me he knew the kid’s parents. Oddly enough he didn’t seem to be phased by the incident, but of course he said he knew the kid.

I’m rethinking my decision to adopt or have kids in the future. Apparently Russia is a no no. I took this job knowing that this kid had problems because I wanted to get a little experience with problematic kids, but most days I barely get in my car before I start crying. I don’t know how the mom does it. I’ve seen her falter a few times, but she holds it together so well. I’m not sure I could ever do that.
On a brighter note I got an awesome surprise yesterday. Josh decided to drop in. . . with ANDY’S FROZEN CUSTARD, 4 tubs of it for my birthday. My LAST birthday, but I’m NOT complaining. I plan on eating it once a week even though I’m on a strict no sugar diet until I reach my next goal weight. I’ve lost about 15 pounds so far. SO I have all this wonderful frozen custard, my favorite kind, to look at and dream about.

Yesterday I tried Pilates for the first time. I went in there with an open mind and was even ok with the instructor being hands on. I love hands on instruction. Touch my butt all you want as long as you show me what I’m doing wrong. Personal space is not an issue because I have a tendency to relax or tense up during fitness classes. BUT I found out yesterday that the hands on approach can go a little too far. Apparently in Pilates where you have a neutral spine your lower back isn’t supposed to rest on the floor. You have to pretend like there’s a tiny grape there and you can’t squish it. Well while focusing on not squishing the grape the instructor told us to find our pubic planes. WTF? Of course I squished the grape after that. But after picking my lower back up again I started to look for my ‘pubic plane’. What the heck I thought. It’s worth a try. At first I thought she wanted us to find THAT muscle. You know what muscle I’m talking about. Well once I found it I put my hands, shaped like a triangle, on it and started flexing. Piece of cake. The pretend grape even seemed to be doing fine. Well she came up and MOVED my hands and told me to make a table for a pretend glass of wine RIGHT ABOVE MY VAGINA. Well like way above but it was still too close and one of my fingers was like right there. While holding up my imaginary wine on the pretend table that rested inside the triangle of my fingers I started to feel my lower back slip. My belly started shaking from laughter which bumped the imaginary table, knocked over the wine and you guessed it, squished the grape. The instructor probably knew I was a bad egg, the real kind, the moment I walked into the class, but she came over and very quietly told me that I needed to keep my pubic plane flat so I could hold up the glass of wine. That’s when she noticed that the ‘grape’ was squished. After straightening me out she told us to make barbie arms and that’s when I lost it. Not only did it sound particularly funny at the time, it LOOKED funny. The wine tipped over as the table turned itself back into a fluffy donut, which is what ALL pubic planes should look like if you ask me, and the grape crumpled beneath me. I didn’t even get my mat rolled up before leaving the room. I was trying too hard not to laugh. Back to yoga it is. At least only the names of the poses are funny in yoga. And if someone does happen to touch me somewhere off limits they won’t be shrieking about wine and grapes and barbie parts. BUT if you want a really really good laugh go try Pilates!

I was actually rather cranky after failing to make it through the Pilates class, but today I played in a tennis tournament and won my games and was instantly reminded that I am not a bad egg.

Take that Pilates!

Tonight I am going to cut loose! The boys are gone for the night and I plan on taking advantage of the evening – big salad with the good ginger dressing and a tall glass of the good stuff in a frosted glass. Robert made me a cute strawberry cheesecake (sugarfree!) with my name spelled out in strawberries and I am going to eat all the strawberries off the top and surround myself with candles and the Arabic music channel. OMG!

2009-05-03T15:43:00.002-05:00

I am alive and ok. Thank you for asking.

I am, however, completely overwhelmed. When I got sick last month I got behind on everything, and now I am frantically trying to catch back up.

Unfortunately for the moment there are a few loves of mine that have to be pushed aside until I am caught back up. Blogging and sleep and tennis. Sigh.

Hopefully I will be caught up by next week *crossing fingers*.

I miss you all.

2009-04-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone is having a great Easter with their loved ones.

I will be snooping around on blogs here soon. I caught another flu bug (a particularly nasty one) and am hoping that I will be up and running here soon.

Eat some Peeps for me!

the tiny hullabaloo

2009-03-30T22:23:00.005-05:00

we were supposed to get a big snow storm over the weekend

but it was just a sprinkle of ice

and only a little snow

good times

2009-03-20T23:58:00.003-05:00

My life is full of extraordinary people. Sometimes I am just overwhelmed with all of the love and friendship that sneaks into my life. I just don’t know what to do with it. I just want to throw my hands up and thank somebody, but I’m not sure who to thank. I visited a very special friend on Tuesday. My friend is 80 years old and just went through back surgery. She was definitely not the person I remember but I have hope that she will take off on her Harley and soar again. I also visited my father and he is doing GREAT. He’s moving into a different place which can only be better than where he has been living. He was all smiles and funny dances the whole time that Robert and I visited. We had a picnic in the park with him and the pups and joked and laughed and had such an awesome time.

Tonight Robert and I had dinner and game night with two more dear friends of mine (I think Robert’s falling for them too). They are the daughter and son-in-law of the friend I visited on Tuesday and they are so much FUN. Robert’s mom even joined us! Robert made a great dinner and we played a bunch of silly games.

Tomorrow we are having yet another game night with an oddball assortment of friends. We invited a very spiritual friend of ours. I met her last semester in a class and once she brought cookies for the class and around Christmas she gave everyone candy canes. She transferred to the same college I did this semester and whenever Robert or I run into her she always has something positive to say and if she’s having a bad day she just says that God is teaching her patience. WAY WAY on the other end of the spectrum we have another friend coming who is a total man slut. He loves to get drunk and flirt with the ladies, but he’s such a lovable guy. I met him in my political science class about three years ago and knew he was a keeper. I typically can’t stand people like him but he’s such a funny person. He oversteps boundaries that only my brothers will touch like telling me that I smell LOL. I’m not sure what our spiritual friend will think of his foul language and crazy personality, but she’s been tolerant of me so I think all will be well between the two. It will be very interesting though. I also have a friend I’ve known most of my life coming along with her BFF (HAHA) who is pregnant! It will be a very fun night. We’re making big pans of pasta and there will be strawberry shortcake of course.

And right now I’m talking to my mom. Does life get any better? Nope, don’t think so.

Now if only I could plan a visit to see Robin and Jay and Meander.

Today's youtube love:

2009-03-12T17:37:00.005-05:00

I am a huge fan of this choir, and this is one of my most favorite songs.

Youtube wouldn't let me have this one so you'll have to go to youtube to watch it. It's my favorite Willie Nelson tune hands down.

yes, I saved the best for last.

something just for you shit

2009-03-11T23:43:00.002-05:00

youtube love:

This is my type of poetry. Even when I write an essay it comes out sounding like def poetry. I used to watch this show all the time. I particularly love this guy. He spits poems like I do but with more oomph and power. I'm like the Enya of def poetry and he's like a white Master P Unh! Damn I need some sleep.

Almost Spring Break!

Psst! I made a 'C' on my science test WOOT!

1234 I know I need to study more

2009-03-09T20:13:00.007-05:00

Tomorrow will be the worst day of this week. I have two midterms and I am fearful of both. One is in a science class, and because I failed the first test (yes I bombed it), I cannot fail this one or I flunk the class. The other midterm is not only about 2 novels, a memoir and a few short stories, I also have to know each author's family history, all of their books and their biographical history. I have been studying for hours and hours today and am finally winding down. I'm only to going to study for another couple hours before I call it quits. It's nice to take a break though and sit down with a video from youtube and a cup of hot chocolate.

I love this video because it reminds me of my mom. Just like her this video is simple yet intricate. And like my mom it is whimsical and rather dorky but in such an artful way. It's colorful, relaxing and inviting. And the hand movements at the end? That's exactly how my mom dances when she's in a car.

Feist-1234

Don't worry My soul Jesus walks

2009-03-08T17:48:00.010-05:00

I have midterms this week. I told my mom that I might disappear until they are over. She asked me to give her signs that I am still alive. SO, until midterms are over I will be sharing some of my most favorite tidbits from youtube.

(to turn off the music just go the bottom of my page and click on the pause button)

Today's youtube love:

I had to put Keely Smith and Louis Prima first because they are the best. I love All Night Long, but there isn't a good video for it. This one is quite fantastic too. I love how they complement each other. They are so radically different and that's what makes them so much fun to watch.

I love LOVE LOVE this band. I need to get over my fear of bars and go see them. I love this particular video because it's my favorite song by them and at about 2:25 things really pick up and get super crazy. Look how fast they are moving. My favorite member of the band? Washboard Breezy of course.

This music video brings me to my knees every time I see it.
I love so many things about this video:
the gospel music
the beat
the symbolism
the man's face at 1:58
kanye's dance that starts at 2:08
when he takes off his jacket
when he says "they say you can rap about anything except for jesus"

But my FAVORITE part of this video is at 2:25. That part just rips through me and makes me want to take off flying.

everything under the sun (including teeth)

2009-03-04T18:17:00.006-06:00

Yesterday I decided to skip my classes. Before yesterday I hadn’t missed a minute, let alone an entire day. I was getting worn out fast and needed a break before spring break. Instead of going back to sleep however I woke up with this unexplainable joy and immediately starting cleaning out the house. I managed to take everything out of the guest bedroom (shelves, bed, dresser, computer equipment etc.) and clean it top to bottom (minus the blinds). I piled up my shoes and made a few sacrifices, organized and found hundreds of poems, finished and unfinished, and unburied an extraordinary amount of nonsense. I discovered that I have exactly 37 pairs of shoes, not including flip flops, about 2 very large Tupperware containers of forgotten poems, and a crazy assortment of Christmas gifts that still haven’t been given away. When I first entered the room I had to climb over things and push from the inside out. I admit that I had trapped myself in the room and had no other choice but to clean if I were to ever see daylight again. I found pay stubs and bank receipts from over 4 years ago. Every little piece of paper that anyone I love or loved or thought I loved had written anything on, including rummy scores and grocery lists, had been piled into boxes and sealed shut. I found teeth that I had lost as a child, love notes from boyfriends in 6th grade, obituaries of strangers that had apparently touched me, old girl scout badges, tags from every animal I have loved, friendship rocks and shells and pieces of myself that managed to get buried beneath years of disregard and junk. I threw a lot away, but I would be lying if I said that I didn’t hang on to most of it. It was a tough battle, but I feel victorious. After the guest bedroom I cleaned the rest of the house, which was in much better shape, but when you have two golden retrievers you’re always going to have something to sweep or pick up. Yesterday was such a powerful day. I’m the first to admit that I tend to hang onto people and things that need to be freed, but admitting it doesn’t make it any easier to let go.

I woke up happy today. I feel like I slept for 2000 years last night. The first thing I did was reach for my new dress. I knew I couldn’t wear it just yet or I’d freeze my ass off, but I touched it anyway. I have managed to mysteriously lose almost two sizes (without losing weight). Last week Robert and I went shopping and found a dress. He liked it so much that he got it for me. Buying a dress sounds so simple. Women (and some men too) wear dresses every day. I don’t. It is not something I take for granted. I am very short, 5’1, and very muscular with a booty that puts J Lo to shame. Basically I’m like a pear-shaped Arnold Schwarzenegger. Dresses only go on so far before they get stuck and that’s not a position I want to be in when I’m in the dressing room at a mall. This dress beat insurmountable odds and now hangs like a miracle in my closet. I cannot wait to wear it. I have everything planned out, the shoes, the hair, the lip gloss color. Everything. I have touched it so many times that I am worried that holes might appear, but touching it is the only way to start my day.

Today I worked mostly on a paper that I am writing for a very scary class. I am writing about The Awakening, which really touched me. I had to find a scholarly article about the book and write about the article. It doesn’t sound like a big deal, right? Well I wanted to find somebody who wrote about Edna’s bisexuality, but I could only find writers who shyly approached the topic briefly before quickly moving on. I was beginning to get angry, because as a feminist text, this book should have several articles about Edna’s bisexuality. When I met with my teacher last week I was exasperated and lost. I had barely explained my dilemma before she whipped out an article on Edna’s lesbianism. I read the article and it took my breath away. If you haven’t read the book I’m going to tell you right now that Edna supposedly commits suicide by swimming out into the ocean until she gets exhausted. But here’s the problem. I didn’t want her to die. When everyone told me that she did, I didn’t believe them. I was going to keep her alive at any cost. I wanted so badly to believe that she surrendered and made love to the ocean, but I felt like my opinion was just wishful thinking. All the research that I could find stated that she died. I should have just said the hell with them and trusted my own opinions. But I let myself get defeated and on the day we discussed the book in class I sacrificed my participation points for the day and said nothing. I couldn’t tell the class that rather than dying at the end Edna was surrendering to the lover that awakened her at the beginning. I didn’t want to take such a fragile bud of a thought and throw it against such a sound judgement. I couldn’t suggest that Edna’s bisexuality and even lesbianism, sure, were sprinkled throughout the novel. When the teacher handed me this article I was skeptical. Bisexuality was pushing it in my opinion, so lesbianism had never entered my mind. But as I read the article I was swayed. It was such a profound article with such substantial evidence. The article proved that at least one scholar had considered Edna’s bisexuality. The article also illuminates the coward in me that couldn’t stand up against a large crowd and declare my opinion.

While I was writing my paper somebody started banging on the door. It wasn’t just a light tap tap tap. It sounded like the person wanted to tear the house down. When I opened the door I had to refrain from laughing because it was Charlie, our mailman. Charlie is deaf, and at times I wonder if he thinks everyone else is deaf too. He’s such a likable person though. He’s always stopping to chat with Robert, Audrey (Robert’s mom, who lives across the street), or I. Usually he just likes to talk, but occasionally he needs help with something. Today he appeared quite frantic as he waved one of his hands in my face. He had a tiny cut and asked for a band-aid. I went and grabbed the first aid kit and brought back antiseptic wipes, Neosporin, and a band-aid (we have the works because of all the kiddos that come around). As I was cleaning him up he kept trying to sign with his hand. It was worse than putting a band-aid on a caffeinated kid, but he was so excited because he saw Robert’s smoker. He kept signing, “I have a bigger and better smoker”. I called Robert and told him that Charlie had a better smoker. Of course he couldn’t believe it. I know that the next time they see each other there is going to be a war about the smokers. But it was such a comical experience. After he left I went to get the mail and there was nothing. He didn’t deliver my block’s mail for another 30 minutes which means that he went out of his way to come here when he needed help. That makes me feel good. One of these days I need to invite him and his family over for supper. And he can bring his own damn smoked meat.

Well I don’t want to talk your ear off…

Oh what a night

2009-02-24T22:46:00.005-06:00

First, I went to grab a bite to eat before the big night and while I was in the parking lot someone backed into my car.

While I was waiting for the police I managed to lock myself out of my car so I had to ask the police officer to send someone to unlock my car. To my embarrassment a huge tow truck showed up and charged me $35, but they made it sound like I was getting a deal. I call B.S.

But the evening ended well when I finally got to meet James Mcbride. He gave a lecture tonight at KU, and it was phenomenal. He was quite opinionated and very animated. He used his tie as a prop several times. It was a very colorful and captivating lecture. If you haven't read anything by him you are missing out!

Proof!

frozen bananas and droopy blossoms

2009-02-16T22:04:00.006-06:00

So what did I do for Valentine’s Day?

Oh how do I romanticize snot and despair? Let’s start with Thursday. On Thursday I woke up with a very raw sore throat. I went to school, fought my way through a test and even managed to eat a salad with peppers in it. The whole day I longed to go home and wrap myself up in heated blankets and golden retriever love, but I fought against that urge and made it through the day. Friday started sluggish so I tucked myself into my office and busied myself with blog work. I spent a great amount of time sorting through old posts of my favorite bloggers, kicking myself silently for missing out on a chunk of their lives (during Christmas of all things!), and writing pieces of their poems on sticky notes to think about for the day. I do this a lot with one of my favorite bloggers, Mark. Reading his blog is just like sitting down with one of my favorite books of poems (Go check him out if you haven’t already). Sometimes I have to wander through a poem several times before I realize why it struck me so. So, Friday I took just for me in hopes that the sore throat would surrender. By Friday night I was on my knees in tears. I could barely sleep, because it hurt to swallow and my entire back and stomach felt bruised and sunburned. When Saturday greeted me I only wanted to kick its face in, but I was too miserable. I didn’t want Robert to leave me alone. I thought that I was going to faint and knock my face in or something worse so he remained faithfully by my side. During this time I had completely lost my voice and was besieged with a mad desire for frozen bananas. He got right in the car and came back with not only the bananas but also a beautiful bouquet of tulips and irises (oddly enough tulips are my favorite and irises are my mother’s). They were in a sorry state like me, but he promised that as I got better the flowers would blossom. By Sunday the irises had thrown their purple all over the place, and my voice came back. Today I was greeted by a few tentative tulip blossoms as they struggled to outshine the irises. I knew that the dreaded cold was behind me.

Interestingly enough I was trying to figure out what Robert and I had done for previous VDays. For awhile I thought we were turning into two old frumps, but now that I think about it there is so much new love in the little surprises. Our first Valentine’s Day in 2006 was unbelievably powerful and surreal. We were in Guatemala with my mother, and on Valentine’s Day we went to Tikal to see the ruins. The next year we tried too hard with foo foo gifts. In 2008 Robert was sick with a sinus infection and while he was sleeping I snuck out and got him comfy socks and vitamin C. I remember the beauty of Tikal and the simple passion Robert and I had for each other. I remember the thrill of surprising him with something warm, something useful, wrapped in red heart paper. But I do not remember anything about the foo foo of 2007.

So what did I do for this year’s ♥ Day? I ate frozen bananas with my best friend and waited for the flowers to bloom.

Oh and Robin here is the list of books I'm most excited about:

Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass by Frederick Douglass
The Awakening by Kate Chopin
A Good Man is Hard to Find and Other Stories by Flannery O'Connor
Eight Men by Richard Wright
Notes From Underground by Fyodor Dostoevsky
All But My Life by Gerda Weissmann Klein

for robin

2009-02-13T11:28:00.003-06:00

The music you are hearing is all the way at the bottom of the page. Just hit the pause button to turn it off.

aok

2009-02-06T23:16:00.004-06:00

I am still alive, and very much so! I am absolutely overjoyed with this new university I am attending. it is taking up much of my time. I am taking two reading/writing intensive courses - there is a special stack of books (20+) just for these two classes, but it is finally a reading list I am madly in love with. I used to read summaries and reviews of books online instead of reading the actual books (and make mostly A's sadly enough), but this semester I have been sneaking my books to bed and work with me. I've even been reading between games at tennis. But please don't fret; I've still been sneaking around on blogs.
I'm also taking another poetry workshop class. I am so glad that I am taking this class. I have been unburying my poems and writing new ones too. When I took the dogs for a run this evening I subjected them to bits of rhyme between breaths. I feel like I'm alive again.
I hope to jump back into blogging full force here soon. Thanks for your patience.

P.S. I made the Dean's list again last semester! I really think there should be a monetary award for this.

home

2009-01-08T23:19:00.002-06:00

I am finally home! After we got back from Florida Robert and I drove to Arizona to see my mom, grandma and STINKY Scott. We had a total blast. We drove up Mount Lemmon, hit 4th street twice, hiked the Santa Catalina Mountains, went to the Biosphere2 and grilled out almost every night. We took Rose and Ella with us and they had a grand time tromping around with my mom and grandma's dog, (it's really a rat) Lulu. Robert's mom flew out for the last two days of the trip and drove back with us. On our way back we set out for the Petrified Forest, but got stuck in Heber after they barricaded the roads due to a snow storm. After we saw the gift shop at the Petrified Forest (the forest was buried under snow) we drove to the Grand Canyon, but when we got there it started to snow again so we saw very little (mostly the gift shop). We stopped at the Hoover Dam and took an awesome tour and meandered through Las Vegas, but only long enough to get agitated with the traffic. We then drove through Colorado until they closed I 70 because of (you guessed it) snow! We didn't have to wait very long though and didn't have a single problem with the Eisenhower tunnel. After that we drove straight home and arrived at 3 this morning. We have hundreds, if not thousands of pictures to sort through so it may be awhile before I post pictures. I am going to try to figure out a way to post a photo gallery for those pictures, but my Florida pictures are on my myspace. Go check them out!

still here

2009-01-03T00:16:00.003-06:00

I am alive.

I hope the holidays were pleasant for everyone. Thank you Robin for the card. I got it right before I left!

I cannot use my cell phone and have no internet here (I'm in AZ). I was very lucky to get this little bit of internet time. I am not ignoring you. I cannot wait to read blogs and get back on track when I get home (by Thursday).

Happy New Year!

it's that time again

2008-12-08T12:26:00.003-06:00

I am leaving for Florida in a couple of days. I'll be done with all my finals by Wednesday. . . Yay!

1.) Wrapping paper or gift bag? A little bit of both. I think that if I had more time (I’m at school now folks waiting for my next final so this doesn’t count) that I would make homemade wrapping paper and go all out, but Robert is the wrapping pro around here. His patience is astonishing.

2.) Real tree or artificial? No tree : ( haven’t had a tree in 3 years. There is just no time. No family to enjoy it. And I’m sure Ella would eat it : ) But we put up stockings for the dogs this year.

3.) When do you put up the tree? Someday I would like to start a tradition of putting it up on Thanksgiving or thereabouts.

4.) When do you take the tree down? Easter sounds like a good time Robin : )

5.) Do you like eggnog? A tiny sip with breakfast during December.

6.) Favorite gift received as a child? I liked getting money and making my own decisions. The whole once a year trip to the mall thing was such a fantastic idea. I have such great memories of that.

7.) Hardest person to buy for? Robert and oftentimes Scott the snot.

8.) Easiest person to buy for? My mom, grandma and Louis. I generally start finding things at craft fairs and such throughout the year. Rarely do I go out and search for something for them. Their presents always find me.

9.) Do you have a Nativity scene? nope

10.) Mail or e-mail Christmas cards? That’s not a bad idea. I don’t think I’ve ever mailed Christmas cards. Have I? Someday I’ll have time for that.

11.) Worst Christmas gift you ever received? Nothing terrible but I dare not say.

12.) Favorite Christmas movie? Home Alone!

13.) When do you start shopping for Christmas? All the time. Throughout the year.

14.) Have you ever recycled a Christmas gift? Of course. Some people are awfully nice to think of me but do not know me very well.

15.) Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Uhhh oooh umm I remember grandma’s rolls. Those were awesome, but I generally don’t eat the same thing every year.

16.) Lights on the tree? Why have a tree with no lights?

17.) Favorite Christmas song? have yourself a merry little christmas

18.) Travel at Christmas or stay home? I like to travel ; )

19.) Can you name all of Santa's reindeer (problem solved)? I probably could if I tried

20.) Angel on the tree top or a star? I think the top of the tree should be reserved for something phenomenal. If an angel or star floats your goat then go for it.

21.) Open presents Christmas morning? Throughout the year. People give me Christmas presents throughout the year and sometimes they don’t even know it.

22.) Most annoying thing about this time of the year? Too much of all the great things: Christmas music, Christmas cheer, false hope, decorations. . .

23.) Favorite ornament, theme or color? I have absolutely no ornaments. I thought about stealing our old ones from the old house but Gene had everything so freaking organized. I think if I had to put up a tree I would paint a bunch of popcorn pink and throw it on there.

24.) Favorite for Christmas dinner? Vegan stuffing.

25.) What do you want for this Christmas? My mom, grandma, brothers, dogs and Robert. But this year I’ll miss Rusty again. 3 years is too long.

26.) Who is most likely to respond to this? My mom

27.) Who is most unlikely to respond to this? The lurkers (I love you grandma!)

no rotten fruit please

2008-12-03T08:38:00.001-06:00

I normally don't throw my writings around, but I'm fairly positive that this is going to be something that I'm going to pretend I didn't write later on down the road. I wrote this for a class. . . already turned it in. It's a series of haikus based on Edgar Allan Poe's the Tell-Tale Heart. If you're a diehard fan of this poem please refrain from throwing rotten fruit at me.

Paranoia kills
But only those with weird eyes
The crazy ones live

One guy tripping out
Heaven and hell colliding
Noises everywhere

Gentle, nice old man
The cute grandfatherly type
Santa Claus perhaps

Santa Claus is screwed
His eye is blue, filmy too
Blue, filmy eyes scare

Blue is unnerving
Like a bird of prey, it probes
Like ice, it splinters

The Psycho giggles
He has an awesome idea!
Death to Santa Claus!

He sneaks and creeps in
Laughing like crickets and wind
All set to murder

Dreaming of crickets
Santa Claus is sound asleep
Unaware for now

His eye seized by light
The psycho lights up the blue
As Santa stiffens

Santa's heart wakes up
The psycho hears the thumping
And gets excited

But oh the neighbors!
Time to off Saint Nicholas!
Turn his ticker off

Slice him bit by bit
And hide him under the floor
Brilliant plan I say

A knock on the door
What the hell is going on?
Just a bad nightmare

The psycho falters
He hears the heart start to beat
Can they hear it too?

A madman gives up
Too much stress to hide murder
He confesses all

still here

2008-11-25T20:45:00.003-06:00

I haven't disappeared. . . yet.

It's been tough around here recently. I've been having family problems (nothing to do with my momalu), but I'm hopeful that whatever happens will happen for the best. I'm sorry, but I just cannot share this problem with you.

It's also the end of another semester, another few credits to add to my collection of well over one hundred. Exchange a credit for a bit of life, of youthfulness. That's how it goes.

I am going for the degree I have wanted all my life. I found a way to make it happen, and nothing but death can stop me now. Rockchalk Jayhawk! I'll be graduating at the same time, but hopefully it's one step closer to a happier me.

Right now though I'm a little stressed grrrrrr. I slept until noon today. . . I have my annual doctor's appointment tomorrow. It's a funny thing because I made this appointment a few weeks ago and yesterday I got sick. Go figure. I'm sure it's minor-strep or an infection of some kind. I knew I was going to have problems when I touched a sick person's cat on Saturday-not recommended.

On a brighter note? Guess what Robert got me for my birthday? A PLANE TICKET TO SEE LOUIS! So, I'm going to see Louis and Robert is going on a cruise (lucky bastard, but not as lucky as me). Hopefully my mom can squeeze us in over the holidays too : ) *fingers crossed*

So, I haven't disappeared yet. I've been reading blogs, lurking around. Please don't be worried.

Why hello there Mr. Vader

2008-11-11T22:48:00.009-06:00

Click to see a larger image.

Apparently Darth is everywhere, even on the floor of one of my classrooms.

This is a marbled concrete floor folks, so keep your eyes on the floor.....

You never know who might be down there.

bananas and vibrators

2008-11-08T22:45:00.003-06:00

I know I know. More silly crap. But that's me in a nutshell and you love it!

With this meme you go to photobucket, type in your response and pick something fun. 123 GO!

What is your name?

What is your favorite color?

What’s your favorite food?

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?

What is your favorite movie of all time?

What about your favorite show?

What’s your favorite holiday?

Favorite drink (alcoholic or non)?

Where do you like to shop the most?

(I was scared to type this in)

What is the name of your best friend?

Do you have any weird nicknames?

I’ll let you guess which one

Describe yourself in one word.

Once again. . .

Favorite current song?

What are you doing on Friday night?

What’s your lucky number?

What is one thing you could not live without?

You know who I’m talking about.

Favorite animal?

Relationship status?

What’s your favorite word?

There’s no way it’s on there

What about your favorite clothing item?

Who are you with right now?

Who is your celebrity crush?

WOWWWWW

What’s your best feature?

I couldn’t find any as good as mine : )

Where do you spend most of your time?

What is your favorite sport?

giant raspberry on your nose

2008-10-26T17:54:00.003-05:00

Ok it's obvious that I have homework : )

1. What are your initials? HJEC

2. What is your favorite thing to wear? My banana boxers and tree hugging dirt worshipper shirt.

3. Last thing you ate? Black bean and spinach quesadilla and sister mary’s righteous root beer.

4. Name one thing that scares you: loud noises

5. I say Shotgun, you say: get in the back ho

6. Who was the last person in your bed? Person? Seriously? Our golden retrievers own the bed.

7. What were you doing at 7:00am? sleeping

8. Last person you hugged? robert

9. Does anyone you know want to date you? Yes, and he is.

10. When was your last encounter with the police? I happen to work with a cute officer. He loaned me his coat once. It weighed about 60 pounds but smelled extraordinary. But no, I haven’t been pulled over yet.

11. Have you ever driven without a license? Occasionally. But not on purpose.

12. The last place you went out to dinner? Subway lol

13. Do you like your name? Yes

14. What time of the day is it? It’s 5ish

15. Who/What made you angry today? Nothing!

16. Do you want anyone? HAHAHA

17. Do you like birds? Yes

18. Favorite holiday? I don’t need to go through this again, do I?

19. Do you download music? sometimes

20. Do you care if your socks are dirty? yes

21. Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos? Why express yourself with a language that you may not understand.

22. What are you doing tonight? Finishing laundry and homework, a walk with the pups and my Robert is making dinner.

23. Do you like to cuddle? Not usually. Although I am in a house FILLED WITH CUDDLERS! It’s hard to say no.

24. Do you love anyone? I would hope so. Robin has a point here.

25. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? See #6

26. Have you ever bungee jumped? NO

27. Have you ever gone whitewater rafting? I would be right there with you mom, but only if we had someone there to save our asses.

28. Has anyone ten years older than you ever hit on you? Let’s not go there.

29. How many pets do you have? Fish, snails and my two goldens.

30. Have you met a real redneck? I don’t have to look very far.

31. How is the weather right now? Windy enough to yank the lips right off your face. And cold.

32. What are you listening to right now? Kate nash!

33. What was the last movie you watched? The Happening. Don’t watch it. Honestly, it’s a waste of time.

34. Do you wear contacts? yes

35. Where was the last place you went besides your house? Lowes (I know I know)

36. What are you wearing? I’m still in tennis gear.

37. What's one thing you've learned this year? Oh many many things.

38. What do you usually order from Starbucks? I’m not a Starbucks person. I do love my weekly cup of joe though. I usually get it from a secret place close to home. I get a d s sf gcc (decaf skim sugarfree german chocolate cake). I like to take all the fun out of things.

39. Ever had someone sing to you? Robert sings to me all the time. And sometimes my mom slips something in her coffee and feels the need to sing to me. I’m not complaining.

40. Have you ever fired a gun? No

40 1/2. Are you missing someone? I missed my momalu last night.

41. Favorite TV? BIG BANG THEORY

42. What do you have an obsession with? Nothing super

43. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? um
.
44. Who would you like to see right now? My family

45. Ever had a near death experience? Mom I was not hysterical and it was way longer than 45 minutes. I was the one rowing your crazy ass to shore woman. Sure, I wasn’t in the right state of mind, but we were in a SINKING KAYAK. At least I wasn’t singing or acting like we were on a yacht having a beer together. But would I do it all over again? Yes.

46. Are you afraid of falling in love? I haven’t fallen into anything folks, nor am I afraid too.

47. Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to?
I remember when Scott and I were planning on running away and living in grandma’s RV. It was only after we cleared out the kitchen that we got caught. I also got caught with various animals in my closet growing up. My mother seems to remember only the things with scales.

48. Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? nope

49. Our Lady Peace or Nickelback? Not a clue

50. What's something that really bugs you? Insensitivity

51. Do you like Michael Jackson? I like his earlier music

52. Taco Bell or Burger King? No and no

53. Next time you will kiss someone? You are going to get a giant raspberry on your nose mom.

54. Favorite baseball team? I think I’d rather watch paint dry.

(THIS MEME GOES ON FOREVER, DOESN'T IT?) Yes.

55. Ever call a 1-900 phone number? No

56. Nipple or Nose rings? Piercings freak me out

57. What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? I can’t win this. I love sleep too much.

58. Last time you went bowling? It’s been a month or so. Too long.

59. Where is the weirdest place you have slept? I once slept at a drug dealer’s house. It was while I was waiting to move to kc. It was that or my car. I never even met the guy. I Just knew his girlfriend. She was completely oblivious to his ‘business'. I slept like a rock though. I’ve also fallen asleep at IHOP, in the back of a truck (beautiful view), and in a bathtub with no water.

60. Who did you last speak with on the phone? james

61. What does your last received text message say? Just Justin talking smack. Poor guy doesn’t have any balls.

62. What's the closest orange object to you? Seriously? That would be me.

Nope, that's 'vagina'

2008-10-24T22:11:00.005-05:00

So, this is my second post with the word 'vagina' in it. I like to start things off with a bang. Now honestly, think about this. How would you describe 'bang' to someone who has never experienced its sound? Pay attention and you shall see.

I am struggling with simple words. If I don't watch myself, 'shy' accidentally becomes 'whore'. Really folks, one finger makes a difference. I was scared of the word 'bug' for awhile. I knew that 'penis' and 'orgasm' were too close for comfort. One slip of my hand can prove that my appetite has nothing to do with food. 'Triangle' and 'pizza' are not what they look like. Nope, that's 'vagina'.

As most of you know I am learning ASL.

Every week I transition between signed english and ASL for various classes. These are two very different languages. With signed english everything is signed. With ASL many words are not used, and oftentimes the sentence is rearranged. ASL is a beautiful and intimidating language to learn. After you watch this video I challenge you to turn off the sound. You may be surprised to find that little has changed.

On a separate note:

Really folks, there is just so much beauty out there.

Busiek

2008-10-21T09:57:00.006-05:00

Over the weekend we went to Branson. On the way back we stopped at Busiek State Park. Busiek is one of my most favorite places. The trails are for everyone: horses, bikers, hikers and pups. The closest thing we have to that in KC is the zoo and the bar next door. Stopping at Busiek made me realize just how much I am missing out of life by living in a city. As soon as my education is finished I am out of here and back to the country, no doubt about it.

Enjoy!
(When you click on the pictures they become HUGE. Me and this mac aren't getting along. . .)

After they romped all over the place they took a long rest in the creek. Rose even dozed off a couple of times.

excited

2008-10-13T21:35:00.001-05:00

You know, we need to get more EXCITED about being alive. So many problems could be solved with a little enthusiasm, a little respect, a tiny bit of nice here and there.

Every day I eat lunch alone. I race to the only microwave at school, nuke my food, grab a paper and claim a spot in a comfy chair far away from the cafeteria. Today, a classmate asked if I wanted to sit with her. I’ve been going to college for 5 years and I have never been asked to join someone for lunch. Nor have I ever thought to ask someone if they wanted to sit with me. I was floored. So, of course I said yes. I even shared my brownies Robert made for me (a very big leap). I sat with three girls. Two were twins, perky and perkier. I was a little put off by how excited they were. I was expecting a table full of too much mascara and gossip. I figured the most exciting thing we would talk about was Halloween jello shots. Instead I was greeted by education majors who didn’t drink. One even mentioned she was interested in special education. Needless to say it was an awesome lunch. I can’t wait to get back to my poofy chair that conveniently sits underneath a broken vent (nearby chatter goes zzzzzzt), but it is nice to know that there are people out there that are EXCITED to be alive. I applaud excited people, but only if I don’t have to see them everyday. Sometimes my own excitement is too much for me.

I started a new babysitting gig tonight. The mother just needs a few hours a week to breathe. She has two kiddos, 8 months and 2 ½ years, and they are a handful. I am so used to the 4-10 age range. I have a whole bag of tricks and games for older kids, but absolutely nothing for teensy ones. I showed up empty handed, but quickly realized that noise was going to be my new best friend. As long as I stayed on their level and made plenty of noise I was fine. Will this work every time? I hope so.

And just for fun:

2008-10-06T21:07:00.007-05:00

This song speaks to me. I identify with it. Don't you?

on a totally different note-
history paper: A
ASL test: B

only to find out it's you

2008-10-04T10:44:00.004-05:00

I rarely put my myspace junk on here, but I have reasons for this that cannot be explained.

Halloween Time

Childhood

What is the first costume you remember wearing?
My memories of Halloween are almost obsolete. I honestly don’t remember.

What was your favorite costume?
I liked those weird masks my brother and I got from Spencers.

Best Halloween memory as a kid?
The homemade treats I got. I know they don’t do that anymore, but I used to get cookies, candied apples, creepy crochet animals. Those were my favorite things.

Worst Halloween memory as a kid?
When the homemade goodies stopped. Razor blades and poison can sure take the fun out of things.

Ever TP or egg a house?
No, but I really want to TP someone’s house one day. No one has pushed me to that level yet. Damn you all for being so nice to me!

Did you steal other kid’s candy?
Absolutely. Don’t get me wrong, I tried every approach before I resorted to stealing. I tried bartering, dares, kicking, kissing, and buying, but some people just wouldn’t budge when it came to fun dip.

If you were a character in a horror movie, would you survive?
No, I would be the person that you yell at to go in the other direction.

Would you live in a house that was rumored to be haunted?
Absolutely.

Would you live in a house where someone had been murdered?
Absolutely.

Other than a gun, name the first murder weapon that comes to mind?
Elbows. You all know the maneuver I’m talking about. The one where you take a flying leap onto the person and land on them with your elbows. Hurts like hell.

Would you ever be a mortician?
Yes, a mortician is the type of person who obviously sucked at that game. . . Operation! That’s it. I am definitely up for it. There's no zzzzt! with a dead person.

Do you fit the serial killer profile? W/male/18-32/arson/bedwetter/kills animals
hahAHAHA karAh. I is girl!

Do you believe people can be possessed?
Yes. The only way to know, though, is to kiss them. Don’t do it!

What is something that will haunt you for the rest of your life?
When you watch someone fizz out that definitely sticks with you, but it’s nothing compared to a doll with a mirror for a face. Holy shit imagine being four years old and getting a doll, only to find out it’s you.

How do you feel about death and dying?
It happens. It’s a part of life that is definitely necessary.

Have you ever seen a dead body, other than in a funeral home?
Oh my. Flores!

Were you afraid to go in the ocean after you saw Jaws?
Never saw it.

Would you eat a human if your life depended on it?
I don’t know. I’ve never been in that position.

What was your last nightmare?
Hard to remember.

Rather be buried alive for a night or sleep next to a dead body?
I’m perfectly fine with being buried alive. As long as I have a way to breathe. I’m a claustrophile and I love dirt so what’s the problem?

As an Adult

Do you decorate your house?
Yes, on Halloween we throw dry ice in our pond. The kids love it!

Do you decorate your myspace?
That’s retarded

Do you still dress up for Halloween?
nope

How long have been thinking about this year’s costume?

Planning on attending any parties?
Nope

What will you be this year?
nothing

What was your favorite costume you wore?
I really don’t have one.

Favorite costume someone else wore?
Trash.

Funniest Halloween moment?
I don’t have one.

If money is not an issue, what is your dream costume?
I’ll leave that for the freaks.

Supernatural

Do you believe in ghosts?
yes

Have you ever seen one?
Aren’t they invisible?

First thing that pops into your mind....

Murder weapon?
Well I’m sure elbows aren’t going to cut it. Poison?

Scary movie?
Blair Witch Project. Fantastic!

Halloween?
cute

Vampire?
Apparently, sexy.

Monster?
Not so sexy.

Haunted?
Baked lays.

But yes, no bitching

2008-09-23T23:18:00.002-05:00

Recently (ok yesterday or Sunday) I started something new. The whole recognizing my blessings thing is working fine. It’s become more of an inside thing most days because Robert usually falls asleep (no big deal, I understand). But more than anything I am finding out that it takes more than just once a day. Honestly my mind goes 326 miles an hour on average, and if I don’t watch out, everything becomes a monotonous whirl of self-degradation. I am realizing, hopefully before it’s too late, that I am either A. my mother, B. my father, or C. a control freak. So, how do I approach this problem? Well after much consideration (a few hours, remarkable based on my impulses) I have decided to tackle my control issues. I know that A. my mother is only slightly a control freak and B. my father is just a freak (God bless his as(soul)). Someday I truly have hope that my mother and father will not be surprised by me. My mother reads my blogs and I read them to my father, but they are still surprised by who I really am. I can’t be sure, but I think they are surprised by themselves too. Maybe this is the way to go.

Back to the subject of control. Yesterday (or the day before) I decided to tackle my control issues with control. You heard me. Why not? Control is eating me up. Why not turn cannibalistic on its ass. So my first step? To quit bitching. But no way, that’s not possible. I’m a woman. But yes, no bitching. So far it’s been f*cking ~~tough~~ wonderful. I have found that I have so little to say. Even more amazing is just how many people have picked up on this without knowing it (now you do). It’s awesome. I think I’m becoming (or at least feeling like) one of those wise old farts who never say anything, but then I find a deserted bathroom and laugh until my eyeliner wanders. It’s definitely been healing. Two days into this and I think I might be hooked. So where does all the negativity go? I’ve been trying (for quite awhile) to find constructive ways that do not include words. My art room has a treadmill and I find it comforting to run a little, paint a little, repeat. I think of it as getting rid of all the toxins. It’s been working amazingly well. With yesterday’s (or the day before) addition it might just take off and be the perfect combo for balance.

I do not know why it’s been so hard to find balance lately. This is my scheduled year of change, but I find myself still the same. Maybe it will be like the last scheduled year of change, and I will not notice until much later. But perhaps balance is so hard to reach because of all the change. But it should be easy too, because all the bumps in the past few years have been pebbles, with the exception of you, scott! Your move was ~~a freaking speed bump~~ totally awesome; I’m proud of you!

On a different note: who’s going to flush this toilet faster? Obama or Mccain? Wow we really got ~~the pick of the litter, huh~~ ________? Crap I can’t find anything positive to say.

We are so misinformed. Oh well, we asked for this.

fantastic!

2008-09-14T22:18:00.002-05:00

Everything is aok right now. I’m taking a moment to breathe (first time today). I am beginning the final tests for my education degree in addition to taking a zillion ASL/signed English classes. I’m feeling a little restless and crazy stressed, but having everything mapped out for the next year and a half is definitely helping out. I’m not sure what I will do after I finish my education degree (spring 2010). I am thinking about several options. I am interested in substituting until I finish my ASL degree, but I’m also thinking about getting my masters in special ed. or english. I begin observing next week. I will be observing a class for pregnant teenagers. This class is actually within the school. It’s a brand new program that they’re trying out. I am also observing regular english classes and various types of special ed.

I have also stumbled upon a very interesting approach to painting. I cannot tell you my secret, but I hope it’s a good one. I will say that I have found a crazy way to integrate air into the paint. It’s very cool. Very loud. Very abstract. I plan on posting pictures when the paintings dry.

Tennis has been fantastic. I’ve been keeping up with running and yoga (barely), and today I actually beat someone I thought I’d never be able to beat.

OH AND THE BIGGEST BADDEST MOST SUPER FANTASTIC AMAZING NEWS OF ALL???? I found Louis again (ok he found me thanks to myspace). It feels awesome knowing where all my brothers are. Totally awesome. I am complete. He is doing excellent, living in Tampa, going to drag shows without me. AND he is getting married! Who is he getting married to? Robert! Yes, he has a Robert too. Unbelievable, but true. I hope this guy is a winner. I hope that this burst of happiness is 100% and lasts.

So, yes everything is aok. No, wait, it’s fantastic!

Dear Giant Breakfast Phenomenon on the Side of the Road,

2008-09-08T08:45:00.007-05:00

thank you for being the most delicious roadside art I ever seen. how can I not appreciate your tackiness when it always makes me laugh out loud? as much as I wish you would disappear (I'm sure there's a concrete omelet with your name on it), I cannot help but applaud your fantastic ugliness.

and thank you, mom, for finally capturing this wonderful atrocity.

When God gives you lemons. . .

2008-08-27T22:18:00.005-05:00

FIND A NEW GOD!

Recently my computer bit the dust. After being exposed to my fists, late night triscuit snacking, and random attacks by my nose (laughter, folks) it finally died. I have been occasionally using Robert’s computer, but it’s not the same. I do not like the bare wall that faces me, the glass top that covers his desk or the lack of familiarity. My desk sits across from Robert’s, and even though it’s on the other side of the room, it’s a totally different world. I have colorful metaphysical maps, pictures of my family, an M&M dispenser (very important), random books and journals and most importantly, my Buddha. It’s a very colorful and peaceful world on that side. Robert’s side, however, is all business. He’s usually got multiple computers that he’s working on scattered about. Papers and textbooks take up the rest of the space. It’s an uncomfortable setup for me.
He’s also got the 2007 version of Microsoft Office which PISSES me off. I can’t get through a damn poem or paper without the damn thing changing text, font, spacing etc. on me. Finally there is the problem of actually getting on the blasted thing. If Robert hasn’t done something to the silly thing that requires it to have absolutely no human contact, he is usually on it, working. Because I have no computer I will be blogging quite a bit less until I get one. I will not be able to afford another computer until I graduate college. Why? Well folks, I got fired, so my new plan is to take classes out my ears until I finish this damn thing. Straight through. That means no job. BUT I will get on now and then to keep up with all of you.
Until then, Peace!

P.S. the dogs are fine now

roots

2008-08-14T20:56:00.009-05:00

I cannot take you back to the very beginning of my musical background. I do not know where it even begins. I have known music as long as I’ve known my mother, even before that I’m sure. She knew music longer than she knew herself, and it was through music that I came to know her. It is no big surprise to see music in my actions, only to realize that the music is actually fragments of everyone I know and feel and love passionately. I am reminded of these people everyday when a particular chord, voice, note, inflection or rumble claims me. Often I am shaken. I have felt the cold hands of a dying friend through a song, the kiss of someone wrong, of someone lost, the shudder of a bird’s silent thump on my windshield, violations against my spirit, first dates and cancer smeared goodbyes. I can smell my grandmother’s cooking in the fantastic explosion of violin and piano; her very presence is evident in the melodic quiet of Jim Reeves and the simple power of Patsy Cline. Tchaikovsky, Bach, Mozart, Verdi and Dvorak became a part of me through her, and whenever a particular piece is blared or subtly whispered to me I not only think of her, I feel her. This is what music does to me, says to me. It captivates, haunts, thrills and teaches me.

Sometimes it smothers me, and although I rebel against its power, it is without guilt that I admit that I often put myself inside it and do not come out until a part of me is stronger or less foolish. My mother surrounded me with its force but did not use it as a weapon. She fed me lullabies and sad folk songs, and it satiated me. She gave me roots to cling to until I could find and nourish my own. I feel like my mother’s music is a part of me.

My father’s music, however, always felt like something I wanted to be a part of but never could. He is a musician, and not the loud honky tonk bar type, but the real deal. This always intimidated me. Recently I let it go, but when a certain song slips inside me I can still feel the jealousy, the want to be what he wants me to be. It’s a knot of organ chords and sax riffs tightly wound with the veins of a deep and soulful jazz orchestra. Certain songs take me back to the nights I spent watching him play. The bars were always dark and dusty, but the cokes never came without a thick wedge of lime. Even as a child I could see an excitement about my father that rarely existed anywhere else. He was born to entertain, and he did so with crazy gusto. His music provided the information I needed to understand the different sides of him. I thought I knew him through music, but I was proven wrong. Music can only show me who he is when it surrounds him. I barely know the truest part of him, the struggle of melody fighting to take over a human body, and the fight is only a whisper when he is not performing.

My musical tastes vary, and sometimes even clash. So many people have influenced my love for music. My mom gave me the love of folk, of simple voices and funky beats. My father gave me jazz, wailing voices and a hunger for big bands and even bigger voices. A Hammond b3 can put me in my place or take the floor out from under me. My grandmother gave me the power of instrumental magic and the beauty of old time country. Scott introduced me to rap, bass, percussion and lyrics. In my first year of living alone I discovered choral, gospel and hip hop music. I have roots now, and they have nothing to do with me, but everything to do with who means the most.

I have added a playlist at the bottom of my blog with many of my favorites. Enjoy!

But till that morning there's a'nothing can harm you

2008-08-13T21:21:00.003-05:00

It has been a tough but surprisingly satisfying summer. Working 50+ hours a week + tennis + classes was a little on the exhausting side, but I feel like I had a much more productive summer than the last. Would I do it over? Absolutely not. Ok maybe. I feel a lot stronger and confident with not only my tennis game, but also with myself. I threw out my scale at the beginning of the summer and haven’t looked back. My life is so much better without it. Two rootbeers in two days? Sure, why the hell not? I’m not jumping on the scale, only to leap off crying and forcing myself into a brutal exercise regimen. 10+ hours of tennis a week is enough. I am fine with myself right now. Even happy at times.
It’s been tough around here. Sure, there have been a few freebies like new tennis partners and discovering the best rootbeer in the world, but it’s been fairly tough. About two weeks ago Rose started throwing up. This was followed by severe diarrhea. As we scrambled to call the vet Ella lost control too. After calling the vet Robert and I brainstormed, going through everything they could have eaten during the three day period of their complications. It came down to their dog food, Nutro. Robert immediately researched it and found out that there was a problem with the food. Most of the problems (and there were many) were kidney and liver oriented. The first blood tests showed that Rose was fine, with only an elevated temperature, but something in Ella’s kidney levels were raised. We took them back today and Rose is still fine, but Ella’s levels have gone up. No kidney failure, just a high concentration of ammonia. She is taking more medication, which we are hoping will cure the problem. I have noticed a droop to her loveliness, but overall she is acting like a happy dog, joyful growl noises and all. The vet is 100% on our side, which is amazing, because it would be hard to face this alone.
I also have had more trouble with my eyes. I take fantastic care of them so I don’t know what the deal is. White specks keep appearing. I learned today that they’re called corneal infiltrations. Not ulcers like I feared thankfully, but I will have to completely change my contacts and keep wearing my glasses (not a fan).
To top things off I also had a few complications with my job. I’m not sure where I stand with the family although I did absolutely nothing wrong. I only expected to get paid. I’m not sure I will get to babysit for them again. It’s sad enough knowing that I won’t get to see them everyday, but even worse to think I may have lost them.
It’s been a long summer.
Tomorrow I will have a fantastic post. Promise! I will also visit you all tomorrow.

gripes

2008-08-03T12:53:00.003-05:00

Last week was waaay too long. I played tennis five times, babysat every day (and one night), went to class, hung out with friends both Friday and Saturday night and even managed to flood my boss' house (not my fault thankfully).

Today I am bordering on freaking out and falling asleep. I am slightly dehydrated and sick from eating strange food two days in a row. I also have 4+ hours of tennis and running this afternoon outside in 105+ heat. I can't cancel because I had to cancel on these people last weekend when I was sick. So if I make it through today I am going to take myself to my favorite salad bar and pig out.

Next week should be a tad bit easier.

book love

2008-07-24T15:10:00.003-05:00

I have a brand new 2nd favorite book. This is a serious honor. My previous 2nd favorite book, sand and foam by kahlil gibran, inspired me to start writing poetry. I thought nothing could replace it. Until now.

I am going to give you a particular piece that blew me away and left me completely and totally in love.

"Dear God. Not only am I unemployed and homeless, but I also have a pregnant woman, bereaved dog, elephant, and eleven horses to take care of."

This book, Water For Elephants, by Sara Gruen, is extraordinary.

Another book that I have read recently, A Three Dog Life by Abigail Thomas, is also quite exceptional. Sad, but poetically and emotionally outstanding. Thank you Robin. Abigail Thomas isn't stuck on the memoir shelf with the other truths. She has made it to a higher place, if there is such a thing, and that is the shelf that I visit everyday. The shelf that holds dave eggers, stephen dunn, kenneth patchen and shel silverstein.

if only I could alphabetize silence

2008-07-21T10:07:00.007-05:00

The girlios are grounded for the next few days. Not just plain ol’ regular grounded, but BIG TIME grounded. I’m not going to go into details about why they are grounded. To make a long and boring story short they lied a big time lie to their mom. There will be no Oceans of Fun this week. There will be no electronic devices including video games, ipods, and tv. This will make for an interesting (and hopefully) peaceful few days. I am not a fan of the video games. They each have their own, but they share the games that go in them, and after about one car ride I usually take them away because they are fighting over them or will not control the volume. I don’t care about their ipods usually. Hannah Montana sounds so much better when I can barely hear her. There is a but however. There always is. Taylor rarely uses her ipod, preferring my music to hers (this is what I choose to believe). This creates chaos in my car. Why? Tiffany likes to sing along with Hannah Montana, and when you combine this with Ladysmith Black Mambazo and Taylor’s attempt at singing along with them you have the sudden need to jump out the window fast. So am I happy about the no ipod rule? Yes. T.V. doesn’t usually bother me either. The only time they watch any is in the morning or when I hand it out like it’s a privilege. I admit that there has been a time or two that I have turned it on to distract them, but that was when the washing machine broke or I had a floor to scrub. Even if I am not watching it, I am usually the first to tire of it. I am fine with the Backyardigans. I also, begrudgingly, let them watch Sponge Bob. I do this because they love the stupid show. They LOVE it. If Dora comes on, however, I don’t care if the washing machine is overflowing. The tv is going OFF. I HATE Dora. Her voice is worse than the sound of 1000 lawn mowers making love with each other to the music of an ice cream truck.

Today has been peaceful so far. It’s been two hours and there has only been one incident of pinching. Because the girls are grounded they are required to stay within my sight for the entire day. Oddly enough they don’t mind this punishment. They are content to curl up with the dogs in a pile of coloring books, crayons and mushy tennis balls, moving the entire mess like a giant ranibow colored slug whenever I start another task. Occasionally I join the pile. If I do laundry they are given the strenuous task of folding socks. Strenuous? Surely not. Yes, strenuous. Robert has socks with varying stages of DSD. DSD is Degenerative Sock Disorder. If a sock with little or no elasticity ends up with a brand new sock the results require more work from the sock team (Tiff and Tay). It is somewhat similar to pairing an old woman with a young man or vice versus. One sock is going to get left behind (usually the older one), while the younger goes in search for a new mate. I kid you not, Robert does this. I have found old, single socks everywhere. He doesn’t mind holey underwear, but by God his socks better not have DSD.

I am also still sick today. Robert told me that if he finds out I have done anything (even laundry), he will dump a big cup of water on me (he is currently at an interview for school) . This creates a problem. I am A. not the type to sit around and B. itching to alphabetize. I do not know if anyone else shares this same itch, but it involves a strong desire to organize anything and everything into alphabetical order. Sometimes I will take apart a section of books: novels, memoirs, poetry and alphabetize them by the author’s middle name (this involves research), and at the end of the day put them back the way they were. The linen closet aka the toiletries closet has become a mess only spiders can love. The lavender shampoo is crammed up next to the secret (ok not so secret) stash of sugar scrub, and GASP Robert’s manly stuff has invaded the corner reserved just for flashy pink hair products.

My desk is also needing TLC. Not necessarily alphabetical TLC, just some leveling and perhaps a team of professionals specializing in hazardous waste. I’m fairly certain that it’s more than abc gum that binds the mountain of books, cds, and papers together. When I found my mouse the other day I realized I had no place for it. Thanks to a book in my lap the problem is temporarily solved. But something needs to be done soon or I will have to relocate to the floor. You know, now that I think about it that’s not such a bad idea.

Roseosaurus meets her match

2008-07-20T17:22:00.006-05:00

I am sick : ( Sinus issues. Nothing big. My head is really foggy though, and putting together more than a couple sentences is bordering on the impossible. I have a semi-decent (dash or no dash) post I am working on, but it's been put on the back burner. Robert has been a saint. I got sick Friday night, and it has been nothing but tea and cuddles since then. We also went out today and bought a roomba at a store nearby that was having a closing sale. If you haven't seen one of these things in action I suggest you put it on your list of priorities! Esp. if you have dogs. Rose and Ella thought that they could hide under the coffee table, but the roomba found them! I told Robert that the roomba was going to have a difficult time figuring out if the girls were big wads of hair or actual furniture.

Wow you can tell that I've had an eventful weekend. It started out so big too. On Friday night, Robert and I grabbed some delicious mexican food and headed for the train tracks. We had a picnic less than ten feet away from the tracks with Rose and Ella tucked in close to us. Next thing you know I'm sick and we're laughing our cabooses off at some silly vacuum as it chases our dogs around, trying to clean them.

Tripping

2008-07-16T00:00:00.002-05:00

I tried something new last night. Lately I have been struggling with tiny but all consuming spurts of sadness and stress. I have a great life, don’t get me wrong, but the stress is breaking me down. I haven’t been able to get through the day without tiny stresses that all but stop my breathing when added up. I am trying to slow down and stop blaming myself for everything. I am trying to count my blessings without tripping over them and cussing them out. Yesterday Robert came up with the idea of counting these blessings. Surely this idea has hit me before.

Didn’t I use to keep journals just for this very thing?
Yes.
When did they stop?
When I wadded up God and put her in a box full of old fads and the pieces of myself that required effort to fit.
Did I get too busy to pinpoint the exact moments of happiness in my life?
Yes.

Yesterday’s blessings were hard to come by. I felt them inside me. I knew they were there. But for every positive thing I had a negative thing to match it. Every time a negative thing would slip out, Robert would shout “two more positive things”! Instead of getting closer, 10 just kept getting further away.
Today was impossibly easy. Tonight I will share my blessings with you. Don’t be surprised if I get carried away.

1. I woke up. Not only did I wake up, but Robert was the first person I saw. He smiled when I touched his face. Sleep couldn’t keep my presence away.

2. My new hair dryer blew me away. Literally. It also has attachments. I have no idea what the hell they are for but it’s absolutely adorable to watch Robert attach them and make rocket noises.

3. Robert made me and the girlios pink pancakes. They looked like the results of a Pepto-Bismol truck after smacking into a bakery, but damn they were good and they made us all smile.

4. Robert took a picture that made me all fuzzy inside, like a new tennis ball. That’s the best kind of fuzzy.

5. Tennis was outstanding. I practiced on the backboard, and I can honestly say that I kicked its ass. I can still feel a few shots right now, hours and hours later.

6. I ate dinner with Scott and Robert at Olive Garden. We tried about four different wines, shared a chocolate martini and ate, laughed and talked ourselves silly. I was amazed at all the people who came to wish him goodbye (he used to work there). It was crazy awesome to see how many people had fallen in love with him during his short stay in KC.

7. I got more than a one armed man hug from Scott. Words cannot describe this. He then stuck his armpit in my face, and as much as it annoyed me, I know I will be more than ready for his stinky armpit in a few months.

8. On the way home Robert pulled me close and played with my hair all the way home.

9. Ella made her noise for me when I came home. Someday I will share her noise with you. It’s a one-of-a-kind noise that always gets a smile.

10. I am home. I have my music playing LOUD. The house is quiet outside my ears. I know there are loved ones everywhere thinking of me, and it makes me feel so elated inside because it makes them that much closer. I am becoming a bigger person every day. I currently take up three or four states. I am big because you are taking me everywhere. If there is a time that one of us feels small love can inflate us.

P.S. Don’t worry Rose. You always make the list.

I liked the kool aid wine the best.

All of Scott's coworkers/friends sang happy birthday to him.

Here you go mom

2008-07-14T12:39:00.006-05:00

Meme from mom:

1.) If you were a piece of fruit, what kind would you choose to be and why?

A pear. I think we've been through this explanation before.

2.) If you were an animal (other than a human) what animal would you be and why?

A vegetarian hyena. It used to offend me when others said I sound like a hyena when I laugh. Now I just shrug. So what? I'm laughing.

3.) If you were a writer, who and why?

Me! Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I am a fantabulous writer.

4.) If you were a painter, who and why?

Once again I think I'm fairly good. I do wish I had a better grasp of the basics, but I am doing quite well for somebody who never took an art class. I'm taking one now though ; )

5.) If you could live over again, would you?

As a different person? Probably not. I love everything that this human shell has brought me: my family, gifts, experiences and miracles. Let the wind take me wherever it wants to.

Would I do it all over again? No, I am anxious to see what tomorrow brings. If you think about it I am a big cluster of yesterdays. Living my life over again would be too simple. I wouldn't have to step out of myself at all.

The Attack of Roseosaurus

2008-07-09T09:00:00.003-05:00

Some nights I dream of dinosaurs.

Tagged by Sandy

2008-07-07T20:46:00.005-05:00

MY TOP 10 FAVORITE* PICTURES

*I have very few pictures of myself under the age of 18.

(Mom and I) The poor woman was just trying to have a beer. Honestly mom, I was going to put up that sexy old time photo, but I couldn't resist making asses out of ourselves.

(weird boy behind me is my brother, Rusty) I think I went as myself many Halloweens as a child. The 'freak' look was effortless for me. Ok ok it still is.

This photo proves that I can be a lady sometimes. This is my inner yin.

(third from right) But honestly I'm just one of the boys. I like dirt more than I like lip gloss but shhh, please don't tell.

(Louis and I) How can this not be a favorite? We are proof that goofy is hot.

(Pops and I) He taught me most of my moves. I'm sure he learned them from his hairdresser.

(Sexy nerd muffin and I) This was in Guatemala right after a horse kicked him and broke his foot. I found out that day that love weighs more than an elephant!

My ex was a photographer. Many of the pictures he took of me are my top favorites. This one remains my favorite, even to this day. I like it because I look like I belong to the water.

(Hayden and I) Knocking back some drinks with my nephew, Hayden. This picture always makes me laugh.

Did I mention that my mom is also a talented photographer? I bet most of you already know this. Whenever I start to hate how I look I take out one of the pictures she took of me and I smile because she always makes me look good.

Who to tag? I would love to tag Robin, because I know there's pictures of her out there somewhere and I would love to see them. I also tag you momalou .

Word Love

2008-07-07T08:35:00.008-05:00

CACHINNATE

verb

To express amusement, mirth, or scorn by smiling and emitting loud, inarticulate sounds: cackle, guffaw, laugh. Informal heehaw.

This word makes me think of my mom.

I'm here

2008-07-05T10:09:00.003-05:00

I have been in the dumps lately. I haven't posted anything because I know I'll start talking smack about someone, and if I do, it will most likely be the first time they visit my blog. You know how that goes. I have been waiting patiently for positve energy to come my way, but I have a feeling that I'm going to have to take charge and go find it.

I didn't even celebrate yesterday. Well, we went out to some quack Indian place. The mango lassi was the only thing to write home about.

I think I'm going to cancel tennis today so we can take the girls out to the country. We're going to buy some cheap fireworks. I'm sure that after I blow a few things up I will be in a much better mood. I'm mostly looking forward to taking off my shoes and running as fast as I can until I cannot breathe. This type of run can only be accomplished if A. I am in the country and B. the girls are right there, running alongside me.

I have been visiting blogs, trust me, but a few of you have lengthy posts that I want to read but just do not have the attention span for right now.

Tomorrow I will put things behind me. Today could be the day that love is realized, and then the weight will be lifted. Hope can be such a knife in the heart sometimes.

another npr goodie

2008-06-26T22:41:00.001-05:00

Now who does this group remind you of? Think way back. Aren't their harmonies stunning?

White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes

time to laugh!

2008-06-24T08:42:00.002-05:00

I'm sure you'll watch this over and over again.

I particularly enjoyed the corporal cuddling and cat yodeling.

You may be super stinky but I love you!

2008-06-23T12:00:00.004-05:00

Wow, today has been rough and it's not even halfway over. The activities I planned today have one by one been deleted due to a cranky 5 year old who does NOT want to clean her room. I was informed that Little T is grounded until her room is clean. Unfortunately that means that Big T and I suffer along with her. Big T has a friend over, however, and I am definitely NOT invited to play with them. Sometimes little girly games do not involve big people. Oh well.

My brother, Scott the Snot, also called with EXCITING but equally devastating news. He currently lives 20 minutes away and I get to see him almost every month. He informed me today that he is moving to Arizona. I definitely won't get to see him every month once he moves. I may sound choosy when I say this, but it is true. Scott has always been my favorite. Even when he went through the stage of not wanting a little sister tagging around (that lasted waaay too long by the way).

He will not be the first brother I have lost. Greg disappeared in 97'. I haven't heard from him since. Rusty joined the Navy after high school and now lives in Washington. I haven't seen him in almost three years. And of course there is Louis. Louis was not my real brother. Nope, not at all. We met each other while selling shoes at a mall in Springfield, MO. We became instant friends and remained attached at the hip for a couple of years as he went from one bad relationship to another. At one point he asked me quite seriously if I could be his sister. He had previously been a Jehovah's Witness, and because of his sexuality could not maintain contact with any of his siblings. His entire family dropped him like a hot rock when he ever so boldly revealed his true self.

I, of course, would never turn down such an offer! Another brother? What could be cooler? What's even more amazing is how well he got along with all my friends and family. My mom has always understood who my closest friends are. She treated my best friend in high school, Denny, just like she was her own daughter. She did the same for Louis. There isn't a doubt in my mind that Louis and I were meant to be family. Not a single doubt.

Shortly after I moved to the KC area he disappeared. Vanished. POOF! I receieved an email from him several months ago though and he said that he had moved to Florida and was doing fine. I gave him my number, email and home addresses and remain attached to my myspace account, but it has been far too long. I remain concerned, wondering if he is happy, wondering if he's safe and loved. Whenever he went through the worst spells in his previous relationships he grew distant from me. He knew I disapproved of anyone who didn't treat him like the angel he is. I try to stay away from that worry, that he is in another bad relationship, and perhaps that is the reason he hasn't contacted me. Honestly, and sadly enough I secretly hope that he has found an amazing person and is living such a grand life that he has forgotten about me. Why? Because if he is in another bad relationship it would be a terrible reason not to keep in touch.

And so here I am again, facing another loss. I should be good at goodbyes by now, but I am just as bad at them as I was with the first. I know I'll get to see him here and there, and I also understand that he needs to grow and that I need to be patient and supportive and know that this new path is part of the growth.

Oddly enough, before he called with the news I was listening to one of my favorite songs by my favorite artist. As always it made me tear up a little and question whether I hold on too tight to loved ones. When Scott called the lyrics came back to me and I had a few tough minutes. I'm holding my head up high though now and applauding my wonderful yet stinky AND ugly brother on his new journey. I know I've told him this a thousand billion kazillion times but here you go again Scott: I love you!

Here's the song.

Every Minute

by Sara Groves

I am long on staying • I am slow to leave • Especially when it comes to you my friend • You have taught me slow down • And to prop up my feet • It's the fine art of being who I am • • And I can't figure out • Why you want me around • I'm not the smartest person I have ever met • But somehow that doesn't matter • No it never really mattered to you at all • • And at the risk of wearing out my welcome • At the risk of self-discovery • I'll take every moment • And every minute that you'll give me • • And I can think of a time when families all lived together • Four generations in one house • And the table was full of good food • And friends and neighbors • That's not how we like it now • • Cause if you sit at home you're a loser • Couldn't you find anything better to do • Well no I couldn't think of one thing • I would rather waste my time on than sitting here with you • • And at the risk of wearing out my welcome • At the risk of self-discovery • I'll take every moment • And every minute that you'll give me • • And I wish all the people I love the most • Could gather in one place • And know each other and love each other well • • And I wish we could all go camping • And lay beneath the stars • And have nothing to do and stories to tell • We'd sit around the campfire • And we'd make each other laugh remembering when • You're the first one I'm inviting • Always know that you're my friend • • And at the risk of wearing out my welcome • At the risk of self-discovery • I'll take every moment • And every minute that you'll give me • Every moment and every minute that you'll give me • Every moment and every minute that you'll give me • Every minute • •

needing some sleep

2008-06-22T22:32:00.003-05:00

I'm too tired to sleep : (

P.S. Mom I hope to see another post from you soon. I'm sure we all would : )

1. I love... progress.
2. Right now. . . I am tired and incredibly sore.
3. I feel like...a cranky monster.
4. I hate it when... I turn into a cranky monster.
5. I fear... the descent.
6. I’m lonely without... music.
7. I need... sleep.
8. Today I... ran, played tennis, and got a serious talkin’ to from a friend.
9. Tomorrow I’m... playing tennis, running errands, swimming, playing princess monopoly at least 40x and going to the dreaded yoga class.
10. I just... want some solid peace from my mind and all the itty bitty whiners.
11. I want to meet... Dave Eggers. Please?
12. I’m hungry for... nothing. I just ate.
13. I love it when... Robert demands that I do something relaxing. I pretend to secretly hate it, but it’s really cute to see him pointing fingers and breaking out the bubble bath.
14. I’m afraid of... um see 5
15. I’m listening to... the whirs of computers.
16. I’m wearing...
17. I wish I was in... a place that is cold.
18. I’m craving... sleep.
19. I want to get... a new racquet.
20. I can... run farther now.
21. I can’t... serve super good.
22. I have... very little patience.
23. I haven’t... got a lot of energy.
24. It makes me nervous to... say no.
25. My Mom thinks I’m... funny.
26. My Dad thinks I’m... always wrong BUT a good driver.
27. I think... I am a good person.
28. I’m happy when... I sweat.
29. I’m sad when... I have absolutely nothing to do.
30. I like eating... my food mixed.
31. I hate eating... without making sure everything is clean.
32. I love watching... ice road truckers.
33. I love listening to... the woods speak out in the country.
34. I like playing... tripoly
35. I hate waking up to... an obnoxious song.
36. I can see... success right around the corner.
37. I’m glad that... I have r.
38. I’m disappointed that... the weekend is over.
39. I look like... I’m tired…
40. I wish I looked like... I was a little more excited. Oh well maybe tomorrow.

waving white flag

2008-06-20T11:05:00.002-05:00

So you may be asking what we do all day here.

First, we start the day off with princess cereal.
Followed by the library/park/reading/walking the pups
swimming and princess monopoly are musts!
And when we have a spare moment we usually have tickle wars.

Today Robert joined the fun!

I know I know. No rough housing inside. But hey it's part of my package deal.

This is two seconds before little T stuck her foot in my nose. Surrender was my only option after that.

grab some popcorn!

2008-06-16T22:12:00.002-05:00

In the past few weeks I have watched more movies (a whopping total of 3) than I have in the past year.

Rush Hour 3: good. The Eiffel Tower fight scene was a little stupid.

P.S. I Love You: Super Duper. I was worried that this was going to be too chick flick for me. Romantic movies are usually lame to the max. When I found out that her husband actually dies I was intrigued. Not to sound morbid or anything, but death meant that there would be little or no making out (wrong but both Iove interests were pretty hot). PLUS it was a very inspirational movie with a Kathy Bates twist. Kathy Bates, by the way, is one of my favorite actresses. She is brilliant.

Charlie Wilson’s War: FANTASTIC! The actor who played Gust, Philip Seymour Hoffman, is officially my new favorite actor. Watching him and Tom Hanks banter, especially in the scene where he bugged Hanks’ whiskey, is one of the best theatrical performances I have ever seen. I can honestly say that after watching this movie it is a must see. If there are only two movies you watch in your lifetime let it be this one and A River Runs Through It.

As for an update on my life: I am still sleeping (kind of), breathing (most of the time) and eating (mostly cereal). That is all. The rest is a blur that only clears when there is A. no chlorine in my eyes or B. when my racquet meets tennis ball flesh.

ma ma se ma ma sa

2008-06-13T11:15:00.005-05:00

Yesterday Robert watched the girls for a couple hours while I went and played tennis. Towards the end of my match they came and watched me play. Where did they go and what did they do while they were with Robert? Well. . . He took them out for ice cream AND also to Best Buy. Best Buy???? Well, there is a cd that I have been wanting for a long time, and while they were out they got it for me! How cool is that? When I took the girls home later I told them I was going to play my new cd and they BOOED me! But I played it anyway, and it turns out that they knew one of the songs. Well. . . After all that booing guess what we have been listening too over and over again today? You guessed it! The new cd! Even though they only like that one song it is still an awesome song so I am not complaining.

One listen and you'll be hooked!

On a completely different note I took them to the mall this morning to return a swimsuit I bought in Tucson. Just like my mom I ended up crying during our swimsuit shopping experience because nothing fit! We have opposite problems. She's an upside down pear and I'm a right side up pear. Swimsuit shopping for pears is an exhausting process. I went through about 20 swimsuits in Tucson before finally deciding on one. When I got home, however, it was too big. SO today, with two HYPER little girls, I decided to go back to dillards to look just one more time. I found 4 swimsuits, tried them all on, AND two fit perfectly. It was the first time I had trouble deciding WHICH swimsuit to buy. I finally let the girls decide for me. So, next year there is going to be no tears when I go swimsuit shopping!

branching out

2008-06-10T08:36:00.002-05:00

We have been spared from the greatest wrath of the storms that have hit in the past few weeks. Robert is struggling to keep the basement dry, but that is tiny when compared to the damage others have had to face. As I looked out the window at our backyard yesterday I noticed that there was just a little more sky to see. Unfortunately the tree that was covering up the sky is now an amputee.

On an entirely different note I have a poem to share. This will not be the last you hear of this poet.

The End and the Beginning
By Wisława Szymborska

After every war
someone has to tidy up.
Things won't pick
themselves up, after all.

Someone has to shove
the rubble to the roadsides
so the carts loaded with corpses
can get by.

Someone has to trudge
through sludge and ashes,
through the sofa springs,
the shards of glass,
the bloody rags.

Someone has to lug the post
to prop the wall,
someone has to glaze the window,
set the door in its frame.

No sound bites, no photo opportunities,
and it takes years.
All the cameras have gone
to other wars.

The bridges need to be rebuilt,
the railroad stations, too.
Shirtsleeves will be rolled
to shreds.

Someone, broom in hand,
still remembers how it was.
Someone else listens, nodding
his unshattered head.
But others are bound to be bustling nearby
who'll find all that
a little boring.

From time to time someone still must
dig up a rusted argument
from underneath a bush
and haul it off to the dump.

Those who knew
what this was all about
must make way for those
who know little.
And less than that.
And at last nothing less than nothing.

Someone has to lie there
in the grass that covers up
the causes and effects
with a cornstalk in his teeth,
gawking at clouds.

tiaras = cake and subs

2008-06-08T20:40:00.001-05:00

First week down.

On the first day the girls met me halfway down the road hollering like all get out. They were EXCITED. By Friday I was not only walking into a quiet house, I was also greeted by only one kiddo and she was passed out in her princess cereal. The other kiddo, Tiffany, was at a friend’s house for the day. That meant that the remaining kiddo, Taylor, and I had to prepare for Robert’s birthday all by ourselves. Fortunately there is a wonderful girly who lives next door to the girls and tags along with us throughout the summer. She is not only the best behaved kid I have ever met, she also keeps the girls entertained when I run out of energy and ideas. During the week we had gone shopping for Robert’s birthday and the girls picked out everything, from decorations to the cake. They decided on balloons and tiaras. For the cake they originally wanted an all pink one with every square inch filled with those nasty sugary candy clowns, but I sort of, kind of, intervened. I could barely see Robert in a tiara. Eating a pink cake with clowns was crossing the line. That is how the cake became blue. The clowns were a different story : ) When the girls weren’t looking I threw a few away. Shhh don’t tell! The girls and I managed to sneak over to the house, kick out the boys, make a cake (they did most of the work), and decorate in only a couple of hours. Then we went to Robert’s favorite sub shop, grabbed some grub and hurried back home. When the boys showed up they were pleasantly surprised. They even wore the tiaras. I think they understood that tiaras = cake and subs : )

As for next week, I say bring it on!

vacations

2008-06-01T17:29:00.001-05:00

Well I am officially back. I feel exhausted, overwhelmed and nervous as all get out. I start the nanny thing tomorrow, and instead of 7:30-2:00 I will be there 7:30-5:30. I love the girls more than anything, but it’s going to be rough to fill 10 hours. It can’t be all fun and games like last year. Quiet time will have to be enforced. Swimming will be a crutch I hate to lean on, but if it works then why knock it? I came home to a hairy home. I can’t say that it is dirty, because Robert did a fairly nice job of tidying while I was gone. What he failed to understand is that I normally sweep and spot mop every other day. I also have a mountain of laundry to do. Robert only did what he had to do in order to get by, which is exactly what I asked him to do, but now that I look at the 10 or so loads that I need to do I wonder if I should have broke down and let him do more. I also have been feeling insanely tired and am having a difficult time transitioning back to my sugar free diet. I bought a twix bar while in Hermann and am back to my old ways of pinching off pieces every now and then for a quick fix. I need to chuck the rest and move on. I managed to find time for tennis yesterday and today, and as much as I dreaded heading into the humidity, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I instantly found my groove, which has never happened after a week of not playing, and I kicked everyone’s butt. It was a wonderful rush, but unfortunately I now feel absolutely drained. I still have three dogs to wash today. I am trying not to get stressed out or bossy or so irritated that I slip and cuss someone out, but I’m in a little over my head. Last night I finally let go and had a good cry about numerous things that are weighing me down. A great part of my faith involves letting go of things I have no control over. Interestingly enough I learned this valuable lesson from a few wonderful recovering alcoholics whom I shall not name. I think I was able to let go of a few things last night. There are a few things that are still knotted up tightly inside. Robert asked me to share memories of my grandma. I surprised even myself when I said, “no, they are mine”. I think that you can give away so much of yourself sometimes that you have absolutely nothing left that is sacred and private. As much as I love Robert I sometimes feel like he wants me to lay my soul out on the table and show him all the tiny compartments that contain my secrets. I think people misunderstand love. They think that it’s the completion of themselves, an answer to some mysterious riddle, or a combining of two selves. Well I’ve got news for you. Two people trying to interweave their lives is not as powerful as two people who separately agree on something. Unity doesn’t take two people and combine them into one big sticky mess. It joins two separate people in a way that illuminates how they individually work together.

I’m going to change the subject. Watch! I ended up getting home from Tucson at 1 AM on Wednesday. Robert and I left soon after that to the secret location, Hermann MO. Somehow that little sneak knew how much I wanted to go there. Before we left he took me to my favorite restaurant (well now my second favorite, but that’s another story). The place is called Blue Koi and it makes fantastic dumplings and crispy tofu. And yes, it has ‘awesome sauce’. After we ate we hopped on a train and took a 4 hour train ride (my first!) to Hermann. We walked to the Inn, got the keys and explored the town until dark. When we got to our suite we were exhausted so we didn’t take any pictures, but let me tell you it was the most beautiful place I have ever stayed in. It was a nationally historic building with a sitting room, kitchenette, tiny bathroom and most importantly, a Jacuzzi. The place was well equipped with candles, romantic cds, champagne glasses, extra quilts, fresh made brownies etc. It was unbelievably comfortable, friendly and romantic. We woke up to a wonderful breakfast made by the owner’s son. He was one of those hot buff guys (think of a bald Mario Lopez). He talked about his previous job before this one, wrestling, yep you heard me right, and said that he was taking care of the Inn while his father underwent radiation treatments. I admit I was a little intimidated by this fellow, his name was Brent, until he mentioned that he had been struggling to leash train his cat. That broke the ice. Plus he made a mean breakfast, apples and cinnamon French toast with a yogurt parfait. He also remembered his phone conversation with Robert when he was making the reservation. He knew that I drank tea in addition to my food preferences (you all know I am a picky eater). I couldn’t have been more impressed. After breakfast we walked to the river and nearly fell asleep on one of the benches. After that I tried a sugar free milky way coffee (decaf with vanilla, caramel, and chocolate syrup, and milk) at the Kaffee Haus. Next, we decided to tour the Hermanoff winery. It was very beautiful and spooky. I rather enjoyed the cherry wine, but both Robert and I fell in love their sparkling juice. We then rented bikes, stopped at the Stonehill winery to order a couple cases of our favorite. . . sparkling juice. We also ate a lovely lunch there. Robert ordered a German meal that I can’t remember to save my life. I wonder why ; ) After lunch we rode our bikes to the park and acted like two four year olds, ok well maybe two drunk four year olds. No, seriously we didn’t drink that much. I’ve never ever felt any kind of buzz from any alcoholic beverage I’ve drank. Seriously. We walked through a few of the shops before they closed (shop hours are 10-4 there). After we saw the town Brent drove us to the Swiss sausage shop (Too far away on a teeny tiny road for bikes). Robert fell in love with their apple cinnamon and cherry sausages. We ate an early supper at a wings place and went back to watch a movie; I think it was one of the Die Hard movies. I then spent about 6 hours in the Jacuzzi with some bubbly we had gotten during the day.

As I was coming home from Tucson I thought to myself, what does that little buggar have planned (He kept it a secret until we left), that could possibly compete with seeing my mom and grandma. Well, even though it was a quick trip it definitely ranks right up there with Tucson.

Tucson, by the way, was super freaking totally kick ass amazing awesome. Even though there was that painful rash that prevented me from wearing any of the cute things I brought with me, it still kicked ass. How does that work you may ask. Well, first of all I got to see my mom and grandma, who are the two very best ladies I know. We also went EVERYWHERE. Bisbee, the botanical gardens, 4th street, Saguaro East, the Desert Museum etc. I also ate at some of the best places I’ve eaten. One of them, Lovin’ Spoonfuls, was a vegan paradise with fantastic mock meats and soy brownies and shakes that knocked my socks off. They even served my food to me in the ‘unfriendly’ (a term used for a place that isn’t vegan/vegetarian friendly) place next door, because Josh and Robert decided to eat there. I also got to play tennis quite a few times with some locals who kicked my butt all over the place. The tennis facility, where I played, Randolph, was beautiful. Although it’s outside they still charge folks to play. The ‘free’ places around the RV park where I stayed were in red zones, which are crime infested. It was an awesome vacation.
Here are two websites to check out. I don’t know the fancy way to do this : )

Lovin’ Spoonfuls: http://www.lovinspoonfuls.com/
Captain Wohlt Inn: http://www.captainwohltinn.com/ Be sure to check out their pictures!
I have a slide show from my Hermann vacation BUT you have to watch it with a sense of humor! At one point during the trip I realized that I needed to shave my legs. . . Well you’ll see. It was a funny moment.
Enjoy!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

home

2008-05-26T22:59:00.005-05:00

Tomorrow I go home. First thing I'm gonna do?

Sleep. But not before I give the pups kisses and zrbrrts.

Then Robert is whisking me away for a romantic getaway for a couple of days.

If you want pictures of my time in Arizona visit my mom's page. She has most of them up.

this is who I am

2008-05-26T00:21:00.005-05:00

If you are looking for a wonderful book may I suggest, "this is who I am" by rosanne olson. I can not think of a better way to celebrate the beauty of women.

thanks

2008-05-25T23:09:00.004-05:00

thank you moms for the new layout.

oh and we saw this while driving today:

"can you see me now ***hole?"

just because

2008-05-22T12:06:00.003-05:00

A picture of my momalou. Out of all the pictures she posts on her blog there are very few of herself and she's just so darn pretty.

We are having a blast!

the heat hasn't got me yet

2008-05-19T20:41:00.003-05:00

I'm loving this arizona thing. Everyone is here now including robert and josh. I will post more when I have more time with the computer. Going for a night swim now!

stuff

2008-05-12T15:49:00.001-05:00

when you have time check this out. you won't be sorry.

http://storyofstuff.com/

final grades

2008-05-12T15:36:00.001-05:00

british literature I: B+
british literature II: A
african american literature: B
education of the exceptional child: B+

Yay!

did I mention I have a new hairdo?

2008-05-09T23:38:00.003-05:00

Well I do! Ginger did such a great job. After she cut my hair we went and played tennis. I played another person later, ran a few miles and it still looks good! You can't go wrong with a do like that! I get it highlighted tomorrow! I'll have the completed poofed up version later, quite possibly when I go to az, because we all know that my mom is going to take loads of pictures!

d day

2008-05-09T13:11:00.002-05:00

This semester is over! Yay! Josh spent the week with us. By 'us' I mean his favorite chair and the pups.

the last mile is the toughest

2008-05-02T20:55:00.002-05:00

I’m not sure when I’ll blog next. I just wanted to throw something up here to let everyone know all is well. I have been busy finishing all the assignments due at the end of the semester. I have taken two finals and have two weirdo ones to complete. One is a portfolio with four individual assignments worth 40% of my grade. The other is a revision of a paper. It’s been a long week, and the weekend is going to be the same. As soon as Thursday comes around I will be free. FREE. I should have time to post something spectacular before I leave on the 13th for Az.

just for fun

2008-04-28T22:16:00.001-05:00

a very special tradition

2008-04-27T12:27:00.002-05:00

Ella’s favorite day is Sunday. Sunday is laundry day about 90% of the time. She waits for me to go downstairs and get everything sorted. Then she sneaks up on me and wiggles her way into the mess of clothes and curls up around my feet. We’ve created a system that works fairly well. If I decide I want to move my feet I must give her a belly rub for disturbing her. If I don’t give her some lovens she gets disgruntled and snuffles at me. Rose and Peppy do not come downstairs for laundry day. They usually stay upstairs, mostly because they associate the basement with baths, but I’m beginning to wonder if it’s something else. Peppy was not my dog to begin with. He was an outside dog when I met him, and after sneaking him inside several times we became instant friends. There really was no laundry day then. I didn’t initially live with Peppy because he was Robert’s dog. When we got Rose she was already 4 months old and a very fat puppy. She never was small. She has always been a dinosaur. When she was little she was just a midget dino. Ella, however, is an entirely different story. We got her when she was barely 2 months old. She was tiny and eternally fluffy. No amount of dirt could ruin her poof. After bath day, which is usually on Saturdays, she became a solid ball of golden fluff. So, on laundry day I would throw her in the pile of dirty clothes and carry her downstairs. When the laundry was done I’d throw her back in the basket with the clean clothes and carry her upstairs, and she would stay in the basket until the very last sock found its mate. I can tell you right now that there is nothing better than a fluffy puppy in a basket of warm towels and socks. It became a tradition that only she and I shared. After a couple of months though, she, like Rose, turned into a dinosaur and her basket rides became basket pushes. When I got to the top of the stairs I would tell her to politely hop out and when we got to the bottom of the stairs she’d jump back in for the short push to the washing machine. When she could no longer fit in the basket the basket pushes stopped. I think this may be why she loves laundry day so much. It’s her special time with me. The tradition almost came to a halt a little while ago. Robert, being the thoughtful person that he is, bought me a laundry organizer. It was a wonderful thing, with three connecting baskets. When I took the laundry down and organized it into the three baskets, however there were no clothes on the floor, which is a wonderful thing if you’re not Ella! When Ella came downstairs and saw that there was nothing to curl up in her entire doggy spirit drooped, and she dejectedly went on back upstairs. Although it was a great organizer I had no other choice but to stop using it. Our tradition continues on.

Old Ways

2008-04-26T11:34:00.002-05:00

Except for the running naked through
the forest, there's not a lot I miss.
-Brian Andreas

B is for badass. A is for justice.

2008-04-24T21:21:00.004-05:00

I went against my good judgment just now. I just got home from a long day of class after class after class etc. and I am hungry and exhausted. I know I should get Robert packed for Atlanta, eat and get some sleep but screw it. I’m writing a blog. Sleeping and eating are overrated and I can pack his stuff while he’s sleeping. He’s working now, poor feller. He never seems to stop.
I know ALL of you are CURIOUS OUT OF YOUR EVERLASTING MINDS about how I did on my Milton presentation.
I’ll get to that later ; )
First, I am going to tell you about the HELL I went through to give it. It was the longest 50 minutes of my life. Yes, you heard me right. 50 minutes. Each presentation is supposed to run 15 minutes for both people presenting. My partner and I were covering books 9 and 12 of Paradise Lost. I went first with book 9. I discussed the power of Eve through various paintings. The teacher picked me apart for 50 solid minutes, worse than she ever did with any previous students. She wouldn’t let me complete a thought or question. She interrogated my knowledge of the paintings. She was a nightmare! When my partner presented after me she grilled him too, but was considerably lighter because she started running out of time. We walked into the class, after working hours on what we thought was a solid presentation, only to leave shaking uncontrollably.
Little did I know that the head of the entire English department (HOED) for the university had entered the room to evaluate the teacher.
Talk about bad luck.
When I saw my teacher today she told me that the HOED lady asked why she was so mean to me. The teacher said that she told HOED lady that she had waited all semester to get me back for falling asleep in her class one day during the beginning of the semester. HA! I think my teacher was just trying to be a badass. LITTLE DOES SHE KNOW THAT SHE ALREADY IS ONE AND DOESN’T NEED TO TRY ANY HARDER!
She gave me an ‘A’.
How could she not?

time for a nap

2008-04-21T13:48:00.005-05:00

You're feeling: tired!

To your left: computers.

On your mind: How am I going to play tennis when I’m this tired? I'm also thinking about dinner tonight with robert (I hope) and my milton presentation which is tomorrow!

Last meal included: bagel. water. orange.

You sometimes find it hard to: do ANYTHING when I’m tired.

The weather: I think it’s sunny.

Something you have a collection of: books.

A smell that cheers you up: ROBERT! When he smells good of course.

A smell that can ruin your mood: bacon

How long since you last shaved: whoa there.

The current state of your hair: need a haircut, but I’m broke : (

The largest item on your desk/workspace (not computer): My Buddha frog is pretty fat.

Your skill with chopsticks: never have used them.

Which section to head for first in a bookstore: poetry

Something you're craving: oranges

Your general thoughts on the presidential race: err

How many times have you been hospitalized this year: 0

Favorite place to go for a quiet moment: outside. In the woods.

You've always secretly thought you'd be a good: drummer. HA!

Something that freaks you out a little: patterns. Such as seeing the same car everyday at the same time pulling into the same place.

Something you've eaten too much of lately: bagels

You have never: skied

You never want to: stop learning.

heard them on npr the other day

2008-04-20T09:56:00.003-05:00

and had to share.

aliens, sympathetic elevators, cultured chickens, oddball compliments, ANTICIPATION and you guessed it! Love!

2008-04-17T23:33:00.007-05:00

A lot has been going on lately.
In this past week I have. . .
1. written four papers:
A. Aliens interbreeding with humans (finished with Octavia Butler whew).
B. An essay arguing whether I would choose to educate children with mild/moderate or severe/profound mental retardation if I was in a different world (not Butler’s world) and there were only enough funds to support one group. My response? Surely there’s a Bill Gates in the alien world.
C. A reading response over Part 1 of Colson Whitehead’s book, The Intuitionist. I am now perfectly aware that elevators have feelings too. . . Well at least the elevators that are metaphorically depicting society do. I met one of those elevators today. It wasn’t quite organic, but I was tired and it conformed to my wishes by being present in a moment when I was unable to face the stairs.
D. A paper about. . . THE WASTE LAND. Well, not exactly The Waste Land itself. I wrote about a fancy website that deciphered the poem for me. I learned that chickens speak French through this website. No joke. One particular phrase in What the Thunder Said consisted of a bunch of nonsensical letters. When I clicked the link, the definition said that it was French for cock-a-doodle-do. That is one smart chicken folks. SOUPE DE NOUILLES DE POULET!

2. been complimented twice. Really! Remember the babysitting catastrophe at the KIAAA? Don’t get me wrong. I had a blast with the kiddos, but the last evening with Suzy was not the greatest babysitting experience I have ever had. Well, Suzy’s father called to say that she got a new doll and named it Hannah Jane. Robert and I asked if it was a voodoo doll, but no, it is not. I can honestly say that this is the first time a child has named a doll after me. I feel honored. . . I think. The second compliment I received came from Robert’s mom, Audrey. She saw my paintings in the dining room and went right out the next day and bought several canvases. She wants me to create paintings for various rooms in her new house. I am thrilled. I take any kind of positive response from her as a true blessing. This compliment went beyond a blessing. It is a darn miracle.

3. been in a fire. I cannot tell you where the fire was, but it wasn’t at my house and it wasn’t very big. Few reading this will know what I was doing when the place caught fire, but it was the most hilarious encounter I have ever had with God. I can give you more details in email if you are curious.

I am currently working on. . .
1. a wonderful surprise for my mom. It is coming along slowly, but I want it to be perfect. She will be the one to show it off when it is finished.

2. two presentations. For one I am covering the Romantic period. Easy peasy. The second, however, has become difficult because I have acquired a great deal of interest in it. I am focusing on the strengths and weaknesses of Milton’s Eve from Paradise Lost. At first I thought it was unfortunate that I accidentally signed up for book nine, but now I realize just how many possibilities I have.

As you can see there is A LOT happening around here. I am happy that the semester is finally coming to a close. I am looking forward to my nanny job and ASL classes this summer. I also cannot wait to see my mom and grandma. 5 months is far too long, but I am happy that my wait will be over soon.

Like everyone else I have a routine that I follow before I go to sleep every night. I feed the fish. Turn off the lights. Brush my teeth and wash my face. Give and receive kisses from Robert and the pups. Finish homework by lamplight. The most important ritual, however, involves a complete and total moment of peace when I can pick up one of my many cherished books by Hugh Prather and read a small dose of inspiration. I am going to share this ritual with you tonight. Enjoy.

This is from Notes on Love and Courage.

Is love in me, or is it something apart from me that works through me? I can reason either way, but I can’t deny how it feels: it feels as if there are times when I am more myself than at others. When I love spontaneously, when it simply comes out and there is no pretext or calculation, I don’t feel like either a container of some precious but foreign spirit, or like a vehicle for a thing outside of me. I feel: that which loves is me. And when the impulse is to hurt and I follow that, I feel like a betrayer, and the I has gone out of me.

-Hugh Prather

In response to Meander's belly rub. . .

2008-04-12T23:43:00.003-05:00

This is how bellies get rubbed around here.

IF

2008-04-11T00:29:00.001-05:00

I forgot who I stole this from. oops.

If I were a direction I’d be… around the corner
If I were furniture I’d be… a couch with books underneath the cushions
If I were a liquid I’d be… a Virgin Cuban Libre : )
If I were a sin I’d be… lust
If I were a gem/stone I’d be… Herkimer (third eye chakra)
If I were a metal I’d be… Einsteinium (radioactive in high amounts)
If I were a tree I’d be… the giving tree.
If I were a fruit I’d be… a Bosc Pear (it’s my exact shape)
If I were a flower I’d be… a sensitive Briar (Its leaves close when touched + the flowers are a poof of pink)
If I were weather I’d be… wind that can be seen in the trees but nowhere else.
If I were a music instrument I’d be… a xylophone.
If I were an element I’d be… Fire (only way to cook marshmallows)
If I were a color I’d be… the lighter side of Caucasian.
If I were an animal I’d be… a hyena. A VEGETARIAN hyena.
If I were a sound I’d be… that sound you hear when you put a plastic bottle in the spokes of your bike.
If I were a lyric I’d be…
“I'm trying to work things out
I'm trying to comprehend
Am I the chance result
Of some great accident
I hear a rhythm call me
The echo of a grand design
I spend each night in the backyard
Staring up at the stars in the sky”
Maybe There’s a Loving God by Sara Groves
If I were a song I’d be… This Journey is My Own by Sara Groves
If I were a music type I’d be… gospel
If I were a perfume/cologne I’d be… fresh air
If I were a feeling I’d be… enthusiasm
If I were a book I’d be… Notes to Myself by Hugh Prather
If I were food I’d be… a lime.
If I were a city I’d be… a dead one.
If I were a taste I’d be… a warhead on steroids.
If I were a scent I’d be… once again, fresh air.
If I were a word I’d be… collage
If I were a verb I’d be… twirling
If I were an object I’d be… a hula hoop
If I were a piece of clothing I’d be… a tennis skirt
If I were a body part I’d be… an elbow
If I were a facial expression I’d be… surprise
If I were a cartoon character I’d be… Hobbes
If I were a movie I’d be… a musical for the deaf
If I were a geometrical figure I’d be… a parallelogram
If I were one of the 4 seasons I’d be… winter
If I were a sentence I’d be… memento mori!

for Hamlet junkies

2008-04-10T23:20:00.002-05:00

I have been on a youtube kick recently. I know it's not blog material, but I find so many awesome things I want to share.

slapping sharks

2008-04-08T14:20:00.001-05:00

I thought this was a good quote for today.

What's that thing? I said. O, that's an oar, he said, in case
we hit a calm stretch & we decide we need more
excitement & also it's good for slapping sharks.
-bryan andreas

2008-04-04T13:13:00.000-05:00

Hamlet again?

2008-04-03T16:51:00.001-05:00

Yep, that's what I thought when we started reading it for one of my classes. I've already read it for two other classes. But this time somebody brought this in to share and I couldn't help but laugh.

funk and stuff

2008-04-02T19:41:00.002-05:00

Everyone has been in a funk around here.

Even Ella. She keeps eating things she’s not supposed to. Her latest victim was one of Peppy’s favorite dog beds. Needless to say this little eccentricity of hers does not make for a happy tummy. She is also on doggie probation which means that a watchful eye or ZAPPER is always present. Yes, we zap our dogs folks. I’m well aware that ZAPPING dogs is the equivalent of spanking children. I’m down with both. We have a three way dog training device that involves a special collar for each dog and a remote. Robert is not afraid to use it. I, however, am a pushover. I don’t think I’ve ever used it on the girls, but I’m not afraid to zap peppy when he’s not obeying. Peppy purposely disobeys whereas the girls sometimes make bloopers because they are still uncertain about the rules around here. And yes, we do run a tight ship. We expect the dogs to come when called, follow basic commands, know what certain words mean, and most importantly, refrain from barking unless Robert’s mother is entering the house. I’m not sure if most people out there understand the individuality of every single living creation in this world. Dogs are no exception. Peppy’s greatest acts of rebellion involve peeing and barking. He will continue to bark, even if he’s getting zapped, if he feels there is a need for it. I usually roll him over on his back and wrap my hands around his face if he keeps barking. Yes, he can still breathe; it’s really not even an uncomfortable position. The only reason he doesn’t like it is because I am taking away his control. He also likes to bite just about anyone who enters the house. For some reason he likes to attack men and grandmothers. He is very protective of everything in the house, especially Robert and I. When I have a moment of tears I can hide anywhere in the house and he will still find me. It is one of those rare moments when he doesn’t expect anything out of me, not even a hug or kiss. He just wants to be near me. Rose, the wonder dog, hasn’t even accomplished a feat like this. She rarely gets in trouble, but when she does, she hightails it to timeout. Yes, we have a designated spot for timeout. What’s hilarious is she will make a beeline for timeout if Ella or Peppy is in trouble. She cries and whines with pure sorrow if Ella or Peppy is being punished. She demands to be with them in timeout, and if she can’t have her way she pouts. Out of every creature, human or otherwise, that I have met in my life, she is the most compassionate. She strives to please everyone and everything. She even gets offended when we squeak her most precious squeaky. She has a special squeaky that is NOT for throwing and most importantly, it should NOT be squeaked in any way whatsoever. If one of us makes either of these terrible mistakes she will take this squeaky thing to a dark corner in the house and nurse it back to health. Amazingly enough this is the only squeaky that has never had to be sewn back together. She takes better care of this squeaky than some people take care of their kids and pets. While on the subject of squeakies, there is one very important rule that I must mention. We do not allow any of their toys outside. Often they try to sneak one out when they go out to play. They understand the command, ‘drop it’ very well now so there are very few moments when a squeaky makes a getaway. If one does make it outside it is usually in the mouth of Ella. Rose, the brown nose of the family, goes on squeaky patrol and throws a fit if a squeaky makes it outside. Ella is a little like Rose, but she shares her rebellious streak with Peppy. Her biggest problem is her ingestion of inedible objects. This long list includes a yogurt container, recliner, bath poofy and most recently a dog bed. She isn’t a stuffed animal lover like rose. She loves tennis balls and kong toys. When we go to the pet store Rose will most likely want to take a ferret home. When she realizes she can’t have one she picks out a stuffed animal. Ella, on the other hand, usually picks out rope/kong toys. She is a chewer, through and through, and we are coming to terms with the fact that this may be something she just has to outgrow. Until then she will be on doggie probation.
As for the funk going on around here—it’s been a tough week for us all. Robert found out some bad news about graduation and I have been up late the past few nights, putting finishing touches on two papers. Last night was a rare moment because I actually got to fall asleep with Robert and the pups. This morning proved to be even more brilliant. We slept in until 9 and for the first time in months, shared breakfast together. I do not think we realized it then but that quaint breakfast was a celebration for the end of a particularly long funk.
As most of you know, for the first time I am watching American Idol. I have a few favorites, Syesha Mercado, David Cook and Michael Johns. I was especially fond of Mercado’s performance last night. I am not a big fan of the song she sang because dolly is too simple with it and whitney sounds like she’s trying too hard. When Syesha Mercado came out I was ready to press the fast forward button but surprise surprise! I loved the arrangement. I gave it a chance and I think you should too.

ok mom. . .

2008-03-31T17:24:00.004-05:00

Robert's body can feed 15!

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I definitely don't want to be in your RV when the world ends : )

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Apparently vagina doesn't count. I thought I'd be nearer to the F bomb.

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

apparently you're supposed to suck air in, but I'm full of it so I chose to expel.

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

I do not consume caffeine so this one is technically irrelevant, but it was the most entertaining quiz so why not?

Created by OnePlusYou - Free Online Dating

Rev. Peyton's Big Damn Band

2008-03-28T22:23:00.002-05:00

Listen!

oh and here's their myspace page:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=8524459

my way or the highway

2008-03-27T23:26:00.003-05:00

Your Thinking is Concrete and Random

You are naturally inquisitive and curious.

You're excited by new ideas, and you are a true independent thinker.

You are interested in what is possible. You like the process of discovery.

You are often experimenting, challenging old ideas, and inventing new concepts.

Rules, restrictions, and limit don't really work for you.

You have to do things your own way, and you can't be bothered to explain yourself.

What Kind of Thinker Are You?

Is there anybody out there besides me who is going to miss the celebrity apprentice?

ok mom I figured it out

2008-03-27T15:57:00.002-05:00

2008-03-26T12:36:00.001-05:00

spring break

2008-03-25T22:28:00.010-05:00

I have learned that 'break' means to separate a person into many pieces.

I have two papers to write.
one will be over Song of Solomon.
the other will be over a canto (no ideas yet) from the faerie queene.
I just started a new asl class tonight.
+ spring cleaning has officially started.

perhaps we should start calling it spring brake. then there wouldn't be any confusion over the meaning of the word. it would simply mean 'stop everything you're doing and enjoy the first few rapturous moments of spring.'

I went with the 'brake' spelling today and halted everything.

I started two paintings for the dining room. The naked walls have been bothering me for months. I knew I couldn't spend more than $30 so that eliminated pictures and professional art work, even cheap poster reproductions. I did what any college student without an ounce of art education would do. I went to hobby lobby, bought two canvases and got to work.

This is what I came up with:

Meanwhile Robert, who is broken into a million pieces too, did what boys do best.

He made a mess.

you can unplug your ears now

2008-03-22T00:07:00.003-05:00

I changed my music. No more harsh songs here folks. Unfortunately I could not find one of my favorite songs. I found it on youtube though. Enjoy!

Josh Groban and Ladysmith black mambazo-lullaby

time to play

2008-03-21T22:55:00.002-05:00

we went to our favorite dog park today.

we tried out the sling shot.

on the way home the moon came out to play.

but it was shy

and rarely showed itself as more than a reflection.

2008-03-20T22:45:00.000-05:00

she's a self-playing accordian & even
when she's asleep, her quiet
breathing goes a-one & a-two
-brian andreas

A poem and SIGH more food

2008-03-19T22:34:00.002-05:00

A Fantasy
by Louise Glück

I'll tell you something: every day
people are dying. And that's just the beginning.
Every day, in funeral homes, new widows are born,
new orphans. They sit with their hands folded,
trying to decide about this new life.

Then they're in the cemetery, some of them
for the first time. They're frightened of crying,
sometimes of not crying. Someone leans over,
tells them what to do next, which might mean
saying a few words, sometimes
throwing dirt in the open grave.

And after that, everyone goes back to the house,
which is suddenly full of visitors.
The widow sits on the couch, very stately,
so people line up to approach her,
sometimes take her hand, sometimes embrace her.
She finds something to say to everybody,
thanks them, thanks them for coming.

In her heart, she wants them to go away.
She wants to be back in the cemetery,
back in the sickroom, the hospital. She knows
it isn't possible. But it's her only hope,
the wish to move backward. And just a little,
not so far as the marriage, the first kiss.

You may be wondering about my recent fascination with food. Honestly, it's nothing serious. Just a weird little infatuation. Next week it might be rocks. You never know. I do have a recipe that goes along with tonight's dinner. I used a morningstar black bean and roasted corn burger, but boca works fine. Robert grilled it for me because we all know that grilling is the only way to go with burgers (fake or real). I then added a little avocado, tomato, provolone cheese and onion. To top it off I threw on a little bbq sauce (Quicks is the best, but it's a kc thing). It was really fantastic.

holy crap

2008-03-18T15:43:00.000-05:00

I must have a good memory. I looked at this photo last night and remembered the number of blooms and the precise color. Isn't that spooky?

Here is my response Robin

2008-03-18T15:32:00.004-05:00

~Imagine a desert landscape. It is utterly simple. A horizon line. Sand. Sky.

~In this desert landscape, there is a cube.

See it. Describe it.

What size is it?
Where is it?
What is it made of?

(There are no rules, no right or wrong answers. Describe the cube you see).

~Now:

In this landscape, as well as the cube, there is also a ladder.

Describe it: it's size, position, what it's made of.

~Now:

In this desert there is also a horse.

Describe it.

What kind of horse is it? What size? What color? Where is it relative to the cube and the ladder? What is it doing?

~Now:

Somewhere in this landscape is a storm.

Describe it.

Where is it? What kind of storm is it? How does it affect-or not affect- the cube, the ladder, and the horse?

~Finally in this desert are flowers.

Describe them.

How many are there? What kind? What color? Where are they in relation to the cube, the ladder, the horse, the storm?

Ok this is what I saw:

The cube is see through. It has metal edges. The metal edges have ridges. When I look through the cube I see clouds. The metal perturbs me because it seems so out of place. The size appears to be larger than a shoe box, but smaller than a box that would hold a computer. The cube is in the sky. Nothing is holding it up.

The ladder is floating too. It is a decorative ladder that is made of old, dark barn wood. It is damp, and a flower pot sits two rungs up. The flower pot is ivory with an abstract painting of a red flower on one side. I don’t know what kind of plant this is, but it is green and trailing down past the ladder. There are no blooms on this plant. I don’t think this ladder is close to the cube. I can’t see the cube and ladder together.

The horse is solid brown with a black tail. It is medium sized. There is a man on the horse, but I can’t see his face. Once again I can’t the see the ladder or cube when I’m looking at the horse. The horse is standing still.

Wow that was a fast storm! Everything was sunny two seconds ago! I swear! I am having a hard time imagining a storm and sand together because I am in the desert. Oddly enough there is a little snow, a little hail and a few fat drops of rain. Mostly I feel wind. The cube is swinging a little. The ladder isn’t moving, and oddly enough the leaves on the plant are not moving. The horse, too, is still calmly rooted to one spot. The only changes are the few weird horsey noises it is making. The man on the horse is spitting, looking up with interest at the sky, but try as I might I still can’t see his face.

The flowers are yellow. They look exactly like the flowers I just saw on my mom’s blog last night. There is a little orange in the middle and they are close to the ground. There are only three, but I can see more off in the distance. I can actually see the horse and the flowers together.

P.S. Robin-You can expect an email from me later tonight : )