Saturday, September 12, 2009

frustrated

The last two weeks have been crazy. Two weeks ago I caught the flu. As I was getting better my mom and grandma showed up for a visit and during their visit I managed to get sick again and am only now feeling better. This morning I finally attempted tennis again and played fairly well considering my stuffy nose and rusty skills. Next on my list of musts are two papers that really should be completed this weekend because next week my mom and grandma are visiting again and I will no doubt be too preoccupied to write. I am also seeing my doctor this upcoming week for my yearly physical, which can only be a pleasant experience after she stuck things up my nose last week, and I plan on asking her why I have been catching every damn bug. It seems like just when I’m beginning to feel fantastic, and I’m accomplishing goals, eating healthy, maintaining my weight and exercising ferociously I am suddenly tackled by some kind of bug and then all I can manage to do is sleep which is quite depressing. Then once I’m better I start all over again only to be taken down once more. It’s getting to be exhausting, frustrating and unbelievably depressing. Interestingly enough I had mono about six years ago and after I fought through that the doctor warned that because my immune system was shot I may catch every bug known to man. I went at least a year without getting sick at all and then for quite awhile I only got sick occasionally. Now, over the past year I have been sick at least half a dozen times. What am I doing wrong? I don’t know. Perhaps it is the stress. Perhaps, after six years of semi-vegetarianism, four of which I have eaten quite healthy and two of which I have begrudgingly added fish, it is finally catching up with me. Maybe I need to exercise more than ten hours a week. Maybe I need meditation or God rather than painting or cuddling with my dogs, or more than seven or eight hours of sleep a night. Maybe it isn’t enough to have a fantastic family. Maybe I don’t laugh enough or take enough Vitamin ABCDEFGHIJK etc. Perhaps I should wear a mask and gloves or a bubble. Maybe I should spray my feet with disinfectant after I use them to open bathroom stalls and flush toilets. What if I’m allergic to my dogs or my books? I throw my hands up. What am I doing wrong?